Divided Life

I get into the car and peer out of the car window, rain splatters the widow as I regard, why did she leave and with Lucas? Normally, I would be talking to my eighteen-year-old brother (He is twelve years older than me.) but isn't possible because he isn't here. Daddy starts the car and drives to my uncle Jake's bar as he asks, "are you alright, Ashley; you're way quieter than usual." I reply with a small noise to say no, "I know you're disappointed that Mommy and Lucas left." I glance outside at the moving landscape; the rain turns into snow but melts when it hits the window. I glance over at the empty seat that Luke would sit in, "Lucas, I want Lucas." The dead trees fly by as we continue down the road, its December and that means Christmas; Christmas without Mommy or Lucas... Only Daddy and me. The man is super quiet, I'm silent too, remembering my older brother and my mother. I notice the snow fall and sticks on the ground, I remember the snowmen that my brother and I used to build. Tears slip down my cheeks as I ask, "will we see them at Christmas, Daddy?" "Of course, we will, Ashley, Grandma and Grandpa will be there too," he says as he puts the car in park. He opens his door, gets out then helps me out of the car. We walk into the bar that belongs to my uncle who instantly spots us, "hello, Joshua, Ash," he notices the expression on Daddy's face, "what's wrong?" "Jamie left," he says as he sits down, and his brother pours him a glass of something clear while giving me some water. Daddy drinks some of the liquid in his glass then takes something; a second later, smoke comes from his mouth and nose. "I thought you quit smoking when you had Jake," Uncle Jacob says. "Yeah, I did.” Daddy says as he looks at me, "I'm glad that I still have Ashley." He smiles sweetly, "you're a good girl, Ash." He looks back at his brother who is cleaning glasses. I no longer listen to their conversation. Suddenly, my mouth tastes of smoke. I reach for what I believe is my glass of water. After I drink a small mouthful and swallowing it, my mouth burns. I run quickly into the bar's bathroom, lock the door and begin to throw up. I've only done so a few times in my six years of living. There's a knock on the door as a voice asks, "are you alright, Ashley?" As a response, I throw up again. "Can you open the door," I notice there's a five second space before I throw up again. I reach for the door, turn the doorknob and it unlocks. The bathroom door opens, and I sight an officer who I instantly recognize. Daddy gets by the officer, then he sits beside me, stroking my back, after about an hour, I finish and then I start crying. "Sweetie, what is the matter," Daddy asks me and I'm still crying, "it was just a mistake," he says as he looks at my uncle, who nods and says he agrees. I glance up at him, "how is that just a mistake? I don't understand how that was a mistake, please tell me." "You had no idea what that was, Ashley," Uncle Jake, the police officer and Daddy say at the same time comforting me. I stare at the three men and ask what those items are, so I don't spend another hour throwing up everything that's in my stomach. "A cigarette and alcohol." They say while showing me both and I repeat them while pointing at the cigarette and alcohol. Daddy picks me up, and we head to the car after we say bye to everyone, we head to the house that Mommy and Lucas used to live in. I go to sleep in my bedroom. I used to share this room with Lucas; we had a bunk bed, and Lucas got the bottom and I had the top. The night before Mommy left and took my brother, Mommy and Daddy were yelling at each other. I was awake, crying and Lucas had run downstairs, "what the heck's going on,” Lucas asked them. Mommy had told him Daddy, and she were just talking, and Lucas said they were talking rather loudly and that I was upstairs crying because of it. Mommy had gone upstairs and went to the top of the bunk bed to talk to me by saying and stroking my hair. "Mommy and Lucas are just living somewhere else, you'll still see us just not every day." "You hate us, y'know," I shouted at her while bawling, "that's why you are leaving! You only love Lucas and not Daddy or me!" "That isn't true, Ashley, I love you both it just didn't work out with your Daddy and I," Mommy said coolly. I wake up with the sun shining on my face and I smell breakfast cooking, I sigh and get up. After I change to my school clothes, I go down the stairs and to the kitchen where I notice Daddy sitting at the table reading a book. I sit in my seat and say, "Daddy, when will we see Mommy and Lucas again," I ask with my chin in my hands.