Lies from the heart.

It was a long night and I was only hours away from being able to head home, climb into my soft bed and disappear into a hopefully deep sleep while the rest of the world was beginning to start their day. Most my patients were sleeping but I had a few that kept me on my feet all night. Room 816 was detoxing off of so many drugs I was surprised he was functional but like all detoxers he was needy, wanted his meds the second he could have more and cried every time I walked in. Then I had 805 who was on palliative care so between those two patients I didn’t have time for any breaks. As a Nurse I was used to working long hours and learned that nothing surprised me anymore when it came to patients on this floor, but something felt different this shift and it made me uneasy and I hated that. My gut was always right and hadn’t failed me yet…except once and I barely got out alive. My pager beeps bringing me back to reality as my friend Laura’s voice echos through the pager “Hey Gemma can go check on 813 and see if they need meds? Im admitting a new patient and don’t need another complaint from him” “Sure no problem” As I walked in the room I immediately sensed something was wrong. I do a quick vital check which are good, double check his meds and glance through his chart and checked with the Telemetry Tech (tele tech) who watches heart rhythms all night and he confirmed his heart rhythm was normal. That gut feeling was screaming that something was off. I immediately page the front desk “Stacy whose the on call Doctor for room 813?” “Let’s see... ooh It’s Martinez . “ she said in an excited voice. “s**t! Stacy Are you serious?” “Yes I’m sure. I don’t know why you don’t like him? He’s everyone’s favorite. He’s so sweet to everyone plus he’s incredibly handsome” “Yeah yeah, he’s nice to everyone BUT me!” I don’t know why he hates me but my shifts are always harder when he’s working. As I hang up I double check 813’s vitals and get a blood sugar myself just in case. The CNA’s working tonight are amazing and all our favorites but knowing this wasn’t my patient I wanted to make sure I had every answer ready knowing Dr. Martinez was going to grill me and question every answer I gave him. I reluctantly head up to the front getting ready to call him when I hear his voice.. he sounded tired but still had that smooth, deep, sexy tone as he told a joke. I roll my eyes as I hear Stacy using her fake laugh when she’s trying to impress the Drs, especially Dr. Martinez and take a deep breath hoping this conversation would go well… or at least not make me look like a complete i***t. “Excuse me, Dr. Martinez. Can I talk to you real quick about your patient in Room 813?” He turned to look at me, looking me once over. “You’re not his nurse,” his charm immediately dropped as he sounded annoyed I would dare talk to him. “I know that Laura’s his nurse. Why do you need to talk to me about him? She just reported he was doing well” “Laura asked me to go check on him while she’s admitting a new patient. Somethings not right. I double checked his vitals..” “Which are normal” “Yes, but he’s not…” He cut me off a 2nd time “Look..” he clearly look at my badge which Reads *Gemma BSN* “Sarah, I’ve reviewed his chart and everything looks normal. If Laura has any concerns she has my pager number” and he immediately ignores me and gives his stupid undivided attention back to Stacy who was putting on lip glass as she gazed at him like he was a God. Seriously who needs lip gloss at 3am? I turn around quickly trying not to let him see the hurt and anger in my eyes from being completely dismissed. I’ve worked with tons of Doctors and specialists who thought they were Gods gifts to the medical world and were just as unpleasant to work with but Dr. Martinez was a whole different level. I heard him laugh as Stacy said something funny and part of me was jealous as I continued so walk away when I heard the code blue alarm ringing loudly throughout the unit... my stomach dropped and I prayed it wasn’t any of my patients. I look down the hall and see that it’s room 813. I start running and as I enter the room I see one of the CNA’s Marie in a panic. I firmly tell her to start a set of vitals as I check the patient. He’s purple, foaming at the mouth, not breathing and I can’t find a pulse. Immediately I start CPR and calmly instruct Marie what I need her to do till the crash team gets here. I can tell this is her first code blue and she can’t remember protocol. It felt like hours but as I hear the crash team come in minutes later I look up and see Dr. Martinez in the door way, starting at me intently and looking pissed. I step back and let the crash team take over. Once the crash team had it under control I walk towards the door hoping to slip by unnoticed... but he blocked my way. “Sarah. That was.... adequate” it sounded like it almost killed him to say the last word. I ignore his comment and let out a sigh as I walk away and I hear him barking out orders as the crash teams prepares to take the patient to the ICU. An hour later I snuck a warm blanket and curled up on the couch in the break room. I spent the last 35 mins in 805’s room with her family as they were trying to process that they were about to lose their mother. At this point my job was to make the end of her life as comfortable as possible. I knew she’d pass soon, possibly in the next day or two. I was trying to clear my mind when I heard the break room door open. I feel the couch dip and Nox the Respiratory Therapist grabs my legs and throw them over his lap “Hey good job with 813 Gems” he says as he starts eating a jello cup. I sigh “thanks. Any update on how he’s doing?” “I got him intubated and cardio is running tests. We should know more in the morning” as he offers me a bite of his jello and I decline “no thanks.” I look up and see Nox looking shocked “ok what’s wrong?You never decline food” “Oh please. I decline food all the time” I chuckle. “Never from me! As your work husband I demand to know who’s ass I need to kick” and he mocks being upset then flashes his perfect, gorgeous smile at me. I debate on telling him but he knew everything about me including my deepest secret and who I was hiding from. “I’m a big girl and can handle my own. How was your tinder date last night?” “Oh my God. I was hoping you would forget” and I can’t stop laughing as Nox continues to tell me the disaster his date went. After report I was walking to the elevator ready to get home and forget about the night. I see Dr. Martinez head into the sleeping lounge for the doctors and before I know what I’m doing I’m headed in after him. I barge in and see him laying down. He snapped his head towards me shocked but before he can say anything I lay into him “I don’t know what I’ve done to piss you off but you are an asshole! I am fully aware that a lot of doctors look down on nurses and we’re all used to the God complex you all have, but I know you can read and I deserve at the very least to be called by my correct name!” And I turn around and slam the door behind me and head to the elevator. By the time I got out to my car I was mortified that I just yelled at a Doctor! And not just any doctor but Preston Martinez. The administration paid a s**t load of money to get him here to help bring more business to the hospital and they made it clear he was to be respected. I was so stupid! I came here to hide and blend in, not stand out by yelling at doctors. I cursed the whole way home whole blasting the music hoping it would help with my anxiety. By the time I got home and showered I could feel the exhaustion taking over. I prayed to the stars that i could have a normal sleep and I get ready to climb into bed when my phone dinged. I see I get a message from Nox and that he sent a meme with Adele singing “rumor has it” and before I can respond I get another Noxy: that you yelled at Preston? Is that true? Gemma: since when are you on a first name basis with Dr. Martinez? Noxy: he has everyone call him that? Don’t you? Gemma: No. I think he’d actually murder me if I tried. Plus I plead the 5th. It’s not my fault the hospital administration has us all working mandatory overtime ??‍♀️ I’m sleep deprived & therefore not of sound mind or memory. Noxy: damn you have some serious balls Gems. Gemma: sometimes lol Noxy: just don’t do anything stupid. I don’t want to work without you. Gemma: haha please I’m sure Stacey can keep you company ?? Noxy: not funny. I just threw up a little…you know she’s not my type Gemma: it’s hilarious. Now I’m going to bed. See you tonight.