tired and afraid

let's start at the beginning, I'm avlyn, I live in the small village of grandsnare, its were our pack has lived for 3000 years. I was just a 18 year old wearwolf at the time when I first laid eyes on him, he was the most beautiful creature I ever saw, 19 almost 20 with long brown hair, gorgeous brown eyes that when the sun hit just right reminded you of the most delicious jar of honey, strong built, almost 6 ft. tall. who with one look would have you falling in love, everyone called him jem which was short for jewel. I on the other hand, I was a skinny, blonde haired, average height, green eyed, teenager with not much going for herself but, when I first saw him it felt like my life was about to be wonderful like this amazing man would sweep me off my feet and make everything wrong in my life right. The first few months were perfect. We would go out dancing, on dates, and he would spoil me with so much affection. He made me feel like I was the only woman in the world. That was unfortunately short-lived as about a year into the relationship he started to change. I noticed he wasn't as loving as he once was. He had grown cold towards me. Now, I know what you are thinking, why didn't I just leave? well, I was an almost 19 year old head over heels and didn't see the red flags. I assumed he was just bored with life as we were getting quite serious. He had asked me to move in with him, which I thought might have caused some issues. He had less privacy, as did I, but I agreed to move in, so we had to adjust to the change. it was a beautiful small house, 2 bedrooms 1.5 bathrooms beautiful kitchen with marble countertops that had a greenish blue ting, off white cabinets, brown old wooden doors and beautiful light brown flooring that sat on a little hill, the view from the window in the kitchen was breathtaking you could see as far as the village of grandsnare was wide, when the sun hit just the right spot it looked as if heaven was shining down on top of this little town. a river right down the road was perfect for swimming it was as if we lived in a dream. Behind the house was a good-sized backyard surrounded by trees. although the house was quite a drive from grandsnare, I didn't really mind, I never really fit in with the pack anyways. I've always been a bit of a loner, but that all changed when I got together with jem. well, for the first while, anyway. skip forwards about a year, which puts us at the second year mark, or there abouts. I didn't really leave the house much, jem took care of all the running around, he would go to the stores and get us everything we needed, I never really seen a issue with it until I realized I was never invited to go. I started to wonder why? but I pushed it to the back of my mind I figured why would I mess up what's working, that was until one day I asked if I could go to the store with him as I wanted to get out of the house and see what I had been missing for so long. that question started on of the biggest fights I could have ever imagined. he yelled at me his voice dark, corse like I've never heard before, he screamed. that I was not allowed to leave, and if I set foot off this property, he would kill me. I had to choice but to believe him as his eye started to go black as his stance changed to almost shifting, in that moment he raised his hand and slapped me across the face. I fell to the ground as I was still so small and hadn't shifted yet. (you don't shift unless you find your true mate, which I knew jem wasn't my true mate but I was already stuck and I already lost hope I would find my true mate, I knew jem found his true mate but she died before i met him unfortunatly. he hated talking about it, so i never pushed) I didn't dare challenge his words. He had never been this cruel to me before, and I knew I wouldn't have ever stood a chance without being able to shift.