The Enchanted Island

I am looking at Kim and Nikki and all I can think is how badly I want this kind of love. The way they look at each other, eyes just glued to one another, unwipeable smile stuck on their faces all the time. Even when they are trying to be serious, there is a tingle of smile in the corner of their lips. In addition to those cheesy glimpses they throw around every now and then. The way she says Kimmy in the cutest voice and he calls her, well Nikki, because her real name is way too difficult to pronounce. They do all that stuff because they are so, so cute. And in love. I look at them with admiration and jealousy. Not because I would want either one of them, instead I want their love. Their happiness. Their head-in-the-clouds feeling. How on earth are they not troubled by what is going on around us. Why have they been given this unexpected support and distraction, whereas I am here right next to them, all alone and terrified. I am scared all the time. My mind cannot be at ease as long as we are in these magic lands. It has been five days since we got on this „adventure“ and I am truly tired of it. I almost died on the second day. I never want to feel that again. I mean, we are in danger all the time, but falling into that lake was just the worst feeling. I did not manage to move my body, however, I felt the cold water around me, flowing into my mouth and lungs, I could see the surroundings getting darker, I felt floating deeper and deeper. Ughh... I am not allowed to think about it or I will get a panic attack. I try to shake the thoughts off by physically shaking myself and I walk away from the campfire. I walk towards my “bed“, when someone jumps me down. It´s Kim. He is not the heaviest man, I would rather say he has a boyish figure, but the speed and force he takes me down with are unbelievable. Like a ninja. He is helping me up, mumbling apologizes and tries to wipe the dirt off my jeans. I just stand there feeling confused. I am looking at him, heart pounding in my chest, slowly realizing everything is okay and this is just Kim doing weird stuff. “Why don´t you sleep there tonight?” he says pointing to his sleeping area. “Why? I don´t want to. Where will you be?” I try to object. “I will be with Nikki, by the lake.” He looks worried, so I agree. Maybe he knows something that I don´t. I mean, he is the one in a relationship with a local. The Woman of the Enchanted Waters as I sometimes call her behind her back. Kim hates it. Sometimes I think she is up to something evil and made Kim fall in love with her so that we would come back here, by the lake every evening. I will keep my eyes on her just in case. “Okay, I will just take my stuff,” I say and walk towards my haystack. Yes, I sleep in a haystack just like my dear fellow adventurers. A 3-inch haystack with a wool blanket. “What is that?” I squeak in surprise and point to a tied up bird in my bed wrapped in my blanket. I see the birds eyes and I can feel that she knows that she is going to die. I feel guilty. I start unwrapping her, but Kim grabs my hands in a extremely forceful way, guides me strongly away from my bed towards his place. Puts me in his blanket and pushes to sit down. Kim is silent. He just stands in front of me, I can see in his eyes that his mind is working at full speed. Then he whispers: “I cannot explain it. Not yet.” “Torturing animals? In my bed? What is wrong with you? It's her isn´t it?” I am screaming in anger pointing towards the lake, ”What kind of weird stuff are you and Nikki planning? Has she turned you against me, against us?” Somehow, I am fuming. All the stress that had gathered now just exploded into Kim's face. He is calm as an ocean before a storm, looking into my eyes with his determined black eyes. When I first saw him I thought he was like an anime character - tall and slim, a bit boyish looking, tiny nose, small pointy jaw, bone white skin, dark flowing hair. His skin looks even more pale than when I met him. As if he was dead. “You are so pale,” I think to myself, but saying it out loud. I saw surprise in his face. I was as surprised as he was and I think he could see it from my face. I start to laugh, it is so ridiculous, I feel relieved, somehow. He starts laughing, which makes me laugh even harder. I can see Ben coming closer, probably wanting to see what we were fighting about. “What's so funny?” Ben asks. I try to say something, but words cannot squeeze themselves out. I look at Kim and I point at him as if “you explain”, but he is just laughing and turns his back on me. I take another try to say something, instead I burst into laughter. I have to hold my stomach, the laughter is getting crazy. The look on Ben's face is not helping me calm down. “What? What happened? What did I miss? Guys, stop already!” Ben is so confused. Slowly we cool off and I look at Kim. He is smiling looking at me. I really needed that, I needed to relieve that stress, to kind of let it out. I feel like our connection was restored with Kim. I see in his face that he feels the same. We are on the same side. We are a team and we have each other's back. We accept all the teammates for who they are. “I am sorry, ” I say looking down, “I let the tension gather and let it all out on you was unfair.” “It's okay. It's not like this is considered normal...” Kim is pointing towards my bed with the bird in it, “But I cannot explain it now. I will, I promise. In a few days, when all this is over.” “Yeah,” I say with a feeling that I should say something more. “I don't always get your science projects and geeky stuff, but I try to tolerate it. I really am. I like that you are so passionate about your interests, but … Kim, this got out of hand. A little bit. b****y hell, a sweet little bird” “ I know, I know, I should've... like... warned you, or asked permission, or something. Yes! You are absolutely correct! Jenna, just sleep there tonight, okay?” “Alright,” I say sitting down. Ben is standing a bit further away, stepping back and forth, probably not knowing if this is something he should leave us be or if he should get involved. I totally get that confusion, I would be confused too. I am surprised at his mature attitude towards this situation. We have been living with each other for five days, always together. Sometimes we have to give each other some space, other times we need to get involved. I am amazed how he is seriously considering the pros and cons of both actions. Usually, he would just act and then think. I am not sure he even thinks afterwards. He is not the brightest star in the sky. For example, he thought the first sentence people write in the diary is “Dear diarrhea..” Who thinks like that? I just ignore or laugh at his silliness. I do like him, though. He is a useful aspect to our team. He is strong, never complicates things, makes us feel at ease. I think we would be so stressed out without him. “Ben, it is okay. I think we have already solved the misunderstandings.” Kim says and then looks at me. He continues after seeing me nod: “We really appreciate your presence, though, if anything would have escalated, we know, you would have been there for us. Thanks. ” Kim is always so considerate. So polite. I have learnt from him how to survive in these conditions. Firstly, remember names and use them in a sentence. Secondly, show appreciation. Everybody loves to have their effort recognized, thus putting you in a good list. Not that I am so good at it, but I understand it in theory. For Kim all this comes so naturally. I guess that is why I am tolerating all of his weirdness. “Good night,” I say and take Kims blanket and tuck myself in it. I fall asleep way too fast and dreams that I see are way too intense. I feel like I am a bird flying - happy and free. Suddenly, I am surrounded by a dark storm cloud, my wings are stuck in a fishing net. I have nowhere to go, I know my time has come. Then I get electrocuted by lightning. I feel electricity in my veins. I can smell my body burning. I suffer. When I wake up, I am covered in sweat. It was only a dream. Only a dream. It's still nighttime, stars are shining extra bright tonight. The moon glows behind the clouds like a burning wood behind a tinted glass door in a fireplace. The air is fresh as if it had rained at night, although the ground is dry. I feel as if I had died and been reborn. I am confused. I look around me, so beautiful nature that I never noticed. I can see so little details even from afar. I look at myself and I am covered in Kims blanket, but it is soaking wet. So are my clothes. I move my arms and I feel like I have wings attached to them. I don't see wings, but I can feel them. I am walking to my old sleeping place in order to take my old blanket back in case it was still dry. As I walk closer, I smell smoke. Kind of wildfire smell that makes me restless, but also a disgusting burning smell as if hair or plastic was burnt. As I stand in front of my haystack, I notice the burnt hole in my blanket. I put my finger in the hole and I feel something smooth, thin but strong. I wrap my blanket open and I see what I feared - it is my bird. Kim has burnt it. I felt it in my dreams. I am not sure I know who Kim is anymore. If this little bird felt anything similar to what I felt at night, I… i just … how could anyone do this to another living thing? I am starting to think this is all Nikki doing. She is the one living in this place, having magic all around her, having her powers. She doesn't have the compassion and love that humans have. She is probably using Kim for her own benefit. I need to talk to Kim. This needs to end.