FORBIDDEN LOVE PART ONE

Treading into the office, I met two men; one was a bit tall curious-looking and dark while the other timid-looking short light skin young man. My eyes met with those of strangers. The light-skinned young man was in his early 30s and was on a call when I arrived at the office. I was not only astonished by the fact that these were strangers but also a bit older than me. Myriads of thoughts began trickling down my mind. I couldn’t imagine how I was going to be sandwiched between two strange men for the rest of my working days in that company. What gave me a little hope was that at least no one knew me. And I thought Allas!! I can just get lost in my small world and pretend to get along as long as I would get my pay. I was like, you needed a job, right?!…. you have found one! Keep at it girl, it's gonna be okay. Worry less and just tag along. Mr. Nanoth, who was supposedly my boss, hung up his call and gave me a suspicious but plutonic smile. Oh my God, and why the hell did he do that, like seriously did he have to grin that much? Someone from the HR department was to orient me. Actually, I was with some lady, an HR assistant just a few seconds ago but on reaching my supposedly new office, she was nowhere to be seen. I found myself in a pool of confusion with the two strangers. I bet they were wondering who the hell I was and what I was doing there. Mark you I hadn't spoken a word to them after stepping in let alone knocking on the door before letting myself in. I wondered to myself, my… these is professionals, I am so green, I have never worked anywhere before. I was just informed that I got my new job as a secretary at the company and the person who was to give the way forward concerning this job mysteriously got lost between the hallway space and the walls of the door….if there was any. Wondering what to do next, the tall dark guy was looking at me in a manner to invoke an explanation of my presence in that office. I looked back at him and said nothing. His colleague on the other hand rose from his seat while still smiling. He directed me to have a seat that was placed exactly between the two of them. Isn't this torture? I thought to myself. How the hell was I going to behave…..or better enough what is it that will be called correct and professional that I was supposed to say or do? This was not just a seat but a desk, so, this meant I was going to seat at the very place for as long as I was an employee at that company. Yes! Yes! Because I heard pretty well what the HR assistant had said to me. “let me take you to your office. This is it” before she disappeared into thin air. And up to then, she had not joined me. One thing I was sure though I wished it wasn’t the case, that was my office. “Hello, I guess you are my new secretary. You are so much welcome, I will be your new boss. I am Mr. Nanoth the head of the department. From your credentials, you are Miss Nadia from Nuskia village. I hope we shall cooperate”. Lost inside my thoughts, I felt so intimidated and could not utter a world. I will be his new secretary, meaning there was one before me. He didn’t ask me my name and preferred to use my village as a title in my introduction. There was more than meets the eye in my credentials than just my village. I felt embarrassed and confused. I wondered whether he was the same person who had smiled at me initially. The other guy was just chilling and carried on with his work I suppose. One thing I was sure, I wasn’t supposed to feel, was low or intimidated. This was because, I was given a job and I had no choice but to deliver otherwise, I would lose it. With this in mind, I had to act up and be confident in a bid to make my boss have confidence in my work. I arose from my sit and extended my hand for a thank you greeting. However, I wasn’t sure if the act would be applauded or critiqued. Either way, I did it. He greeted me back and everything seemed okay. The other dark-skinned guy also lit up and greeted and welcomed me. He said that I should feel free and that I should not be afraid of anything since they were both going to support me so that I would catch up with the work as a new employee in the company. Having come out of school just recently, I was so naive and believed almost every person. I wasn't able to tell who was lying and who was truthful. So, I was just there, as some people would put it. I thanked them for their warm welcome and promised my boss that I would do due diligence to accord him the best secretariat help he was expecting from me. Just as I was still connecting with my new colleagues, the HR assistant entered the office. “Aaahgg…..now you are here, what’s the need, you could have just stayed where you had disappeared to. What makes you think I was waiting for you all this long?! Why did you suddenly disappear? What was so important to me at that particular time?….and… and what is it that you want now? Did you forget about me and just all of a sudden you remembered my existence?”. Sorry!, I did not tell all this to the HR assistant, no! Oh, Yes! I bet I told her though not literally, but in my thoughts. Did she get it? We can't tell inst it?. I bet she read my face and ignored it. And then she was like, oh my God I am so sorry I kept you waiting. I interrupted with an answer that a little felt rude but I didn’t care anyway. I don’t like being treated like trash and unimportant. So I said to her that I managed. She ignored me and greeted the two seniors. Yeah of cause to her, I was so junior or even the least among the juniors in that company. I say this because she had to know my salary amount since she was the one who kept records of all the staff. My salary was a mere peanuts to those three. I was in the grade of the least in payments. Thank God I had no rent to pay and kids to educate, I only needed the experience to contribute to my career growth. She went ahead to introduce me even though we were already done with it. She was done and got out. Now it was time for me to be oriented on my duties. My boss hinted that we were going to get a new office for just the two of us the next day. I had no problem with that. I was so excited to begin working. I was glad I entered the ranks of the employed. All I was looking forward to is to work. The first day at my workplace was pretty short. My boss gave me time off since I was new to go home and prepare to start work the following day. This was my first day to start work, why was my boss so lenient towards me? I asked myself this question but did not put more thought into it. I was so happy that I had an understanding and caring boss. At least this beginning must be on the list of the best and favourite moments in this company. I have a boss who let me have an off day at the start of my job. As I stepped out of the office, I had some laughter behind me. Their laughter was not suspicious, at least according to me. However, I was not comfortable with it. I was like, they were laughing at me, though I could not figure out why. Coming to think of it now, I think their laughter was a result of how naive I was then, and what was going to be my daily struggle and dilemmas at that office and company. As I grew up, I suffered rejection and an inferiority complex. Their laughter made me feel a tone of rejection and I began wondering if my boss wanted me to go prepare for work the next day or if he wanted me out of his office. I had so many emotional and psychological problems that made me feel incomplete and below average. I had so much pain in my heart and life because of failed relationships, betrayal and rejection. On the outward, the above descriptions of myself cannot match up with how I used to portray myself. From anyone’s perspective, I was one very confident and intelligent lady. Deep inside I was the exact opposite, that’s why the laughter bothered me but I couldn’t allow it to override my ambition of working in that company. Walking down a rough path filled with mud, I don’t recall getting out of the gate. I was intertwined between my thoughts and my predetermined future. I felt so alone and insecure. I passed by several people who seemed to be closely looking to know who I was. Obviously, it was my first time at the premise and this was affirmed by strict and strange onlookers. Looking down my feet, the road was muddy, and I was like, I thought this mud wasn’t there in the morning. Or maybe the mud was there only that I wasn’t keen enough to recognize it. I didn’t report to work on foot, I had ordered a motorcycle. Could these sandals support me until I arrive at my destination? I have no money to afford any means of transport, and so I had to walk home. A three-kilometer distance. That was not a big deal to me. I was used to it. As I catapulted slowly down the road. I imagined how employment life would suit me. Though I was happy for the opportunity, I had so many other issues disturbing me. I compared the dirt comprising water and mud with the way my thoughts were at that moment. There and then on that road, I encouraged myself to be strong and courageous enough to take up the new role that was then facing me. I spoke to my heart and asked God to help me. The next morning, I was the first to arrive at the office. I was new, and you know how conspicuous you look in the eyes of strangers. Every other person seemed to look surprised as soon as we crossed paths. I was a bit shy and helped myself up to the required standards. I had not let myself down. I went straight to the office but found it locked. In a fraction of a second while I was turning back, I met him face to face. “Hello, you forgot the key,” said my boss while smiling. I didn’t even know that the doors get locked let alone where to find the keys. The door to our office had a main entrance door, so I assumed, the office door wasn’t locked. I extended my hand for greetings. He held my hand for about two minutes. “Look who is here, welcome again, I am happy you are early” I nodded and thanked him for welcoming me. Inside the office, he told me to pack up because some people were coming to transfer our stuff to the new office. I had nothing to pack, so I had to help him. In a period of between one to two hours, all our stuff was transferred. We took another thirty minutes to arrange the new office. All this time I had noted three things about my boss. He is charming, looks young but, finally, he is married. He had no ring but I saw pictures of his wife and kids while arranging his stuff. You might wonder how I knew that those were his wife and kids. What in the world would a man like him be doing with pictures of a woman and kids if they weren't in his life? Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months. I had gotten accustomed to my daily duties and routines at my workplace. I had learnt to balance work with my personal life. And I did amazingly well. I had no complaints from my boss at all. He was so impressed with my work that on one fateful day, he offered to take me to his house for lunch. Before the lunch invitation, I had gotten professionally used to him. He was a family man and seemed to love his family very much, something that I kind of doubt right now. Every time he would talk to his family over the telephone, I would pray to God to help me have someone like him in the future. He was a religious and hardworking person as far as I knew. Now back to the lunch invitation. I did not put much thought into it. I was not comfortable with that idea at all. He seemed nice, yes, and I used not to go for lunch so it wouldn’t be a problem to me but instead a huge favour. However, it was not in my principles to visit the home of a male colleague without the company of a third party. So, I politely turned down his offer and told him that I was okay. He went ahead to ask me what I was afraid of, and I told him that I was just okay and to leave it at that. I did not want more discussions on the same topic. I thought he would give up but he kept on coming up with so many strategies day in and day out until I was caught up with one. Remember the tall dark man from the first office? They were close friends with my boss. One day he visited our office and what followed made me think that the two always had discussions with which I was the main topic. They seemed to have read my mind and plotted how to capture it. All that time, I was so innocent and naive. As I said earlier, I seemed to believe everyone and everything. So the friend spoke to me nicely just the way any other friendly colleague would do. Mark you, it was almost lunchtime. He stayed at our office until lunchtime and then my boss suggested that we should go and have lunch. The friend offered to buy lunch and so we visited a nearby hotel. That day, after a very long time, I had a sumptuous meal; ugali chicken. I was so glad that I had friends who could give me such a nice treat. I became very close to these two colleagues that they graduated from being mere colleagues to my close friends. These were family men and I was just a young single lady. I did not think much about anything other than enjoying my work at that company. I thanked God that I was so blessed with a job and with caring friends. Everything seemed to be falling into its own place. Our friendship grew so much that I saw no big deal in visiting my boss’s home for lunch with or without a third party. I had no doubts or fear that anything could go wrong at any time until one fine afternoon while eating in his living room, he spoke words that I had never imagined coming out of his mouth to attract my attention. I was completely taken aback and those words came to me as a complete shock. “Nadia, I love you and I have always loved you from the first time I set my eyes on you”. I thought it was a joke. So, I laughed it off and continued eating. He stood up from his seat and as he was coming towards me, I realized he was serious and so, I hurriedly stood up and told him to return to his seat immediately. I don’t know how I gathered all that courage to command my boss. But I had to do it. Me: “Mr Nanoth, what did I just hear you say? Are you okay?” Him: “Yes I am okay and I have been waiting for so long to tell you this” Me: “Okay, and you are completely serious about it……” Him: “Yeah! Absolutely and…” Me: “No wait! Aren’t you married?” Him: “What does marriage have to do with my request?” Me: “So, you want a second wife Mr. Nanoth….” Him: “ I can't recall talking about wives….do not get ahead of yourself Nadia. I have said I love you” Me: “ I thought when you love someone of the opposite s*x you intend to marry them, or why else would you love them?” Him: “ Nadia, stop complicating things you understand what I am saying” Me: “ Honestly I don’t. and I don’t love you, married man. You should respect your wife and kids. I looked forward to having a man in my life like you, now what the hell is this? Him: “My dear no one will know, it will be a secret between us and I will give you everything you will need. I just want you to be my side chick or mistress for that matter. Me: “Assuming I accept your request, will you be ready to divorce your wife? Because I can neither be a side chick or a mistress or a second wife. If you love me as you claim, you will divorce your wife and have me as your only wife” Him: “ I love you Nadia and I love my wife too. I do not need to divorce my wife. I will provide everything you need as long as you satisfy me and no one will know” Me: “Am sorry but I can't give in to your request. My principles do not allow me to do that. Please let's go back to the office we are almost late”. Him: “Okay but think about it. And please say yes. I won't be able to look at your face again if you reject me” This day became the first of the many dark and worst moments of my life. I only knew the theoretical part of s****l harassment and never thought that it shall be my enormous encounter once in my lifetime. As I stepped out of my boss’s house I felt extreme pity for my boss. I felt shame cover my face and did not want to utter a word. I felt so broken since my role model had turned into a villain spitting venom directly into my hurting heart. I was just from a break-up with my baby daddy and was in a new relationship with another annoying boyfriend. Do you remember the personal issues I talked about earlier? Here they are! My love life was a mess. It was so complicated that I couldn’t tell its source, direction or destination. It was just there, as you guys can put it. The wound was struck deep when my boss brought up his lust issues and imputed them onto me. I wish he had known how I was suffering inside. The introvert that I was made him think that I was this sexy and beautiful naive young girl who knew nothing about dating and having s*x. This was the thought of many anyway, especially the ones who did not know me well. I hated and still hate infidelity. I also hated men so much. I believed that no man could truly love and stick to one woman. I did not believe in true love. I hated everything that came with dating. My baby daddy not only cheated on me but also denied having an affair with me that led to siring a child. He behaved in the worst ways possible that made me put men in a place only I alone understood. I had developed hate towards life and felt rejected by those I loved and called friends. A lot of employed women go through the worst at the hands of their male bosses. Only a few dare to speak out. Over 90% of women who undergo s****l harassment suffer in silence. They fear speaking out because of being misunderstood, or being doubted or even losing their dignity and worst their jobs. I now understand this fact because I am not just reading what researchers have written but what I truly experienced. Sexual harassment, manipulation and bullying are alike. That afternoon, I was so quiet until I went home in the evening. My boss did not also speak to me. The next morning, he was so jovial as if nothing had happened. I wondered how he could do that yet he knew that we were at loggerheads. I was so annoyed at him and he knew it. I could not tell whether he regretted his act. He didn’t seem remorseful though. In fact I ignored him completely. Him: “Did you interview before getting your job?” Me: “NO!” Him: “Have you ever asked yourself why?” Me: “NO!” Him: “ If you need to keep this job, you should reconsider my request” Those words hit me so hard that I almost shed tears. He said that and walked out of the office. So the request graduated into a threat.