Can The Caged Bird Sing?

Chapter 16 Feeling More Alone

---Evelyn's POV---

I sit under the water not even washing myself like I'm suppose to be doing, but I don't care.. I need this quiet moment alone, for my sanity because I'm so close to losing it in this moment and I won't let that happen.. So I'm just trying to take in this alone time for myself to try to recover from this trauma as much as I can.. well before I get another unwanted visitor at least.

"You won't lose your sanity or even the love for yourself, because we are stronger than this.. we can get past this together.. not with anyone else.. because we don't need anyone to love ourselves.. we just have each other and only need each other.. that's all, so who cares if our mates don't want us, because I want you and love you for the amazing person you are." Myra says with so much enthusiasm that I can't help but nod knowing she could be right.. but I'm not there in my frame of mind just yet.

I need that positivity right now, so don't get me wrong.. but at the same time I was just rejected by someone who is suppose to internally love me because of something in their DNA given by a higher power.. but still can't seem to love me somehow, so what does that say about me? Am I that hard to love? How can someone not love their goddess given mate? Or maybe he could but is just refusing to love me for one reason or another, ignoring the feelings he naturally has for me.

But either way, I honestly don't know how much more of this I'm going to be able to take.. so I just breathe to myself, trying to calm my excessively beating heart.

I sit in the shower for who knows how long, until I finally stand up slowly, because I don't know how much time I'm going to get after all of this.. So I'm taking advantage of the little bit of freedom I'm given before it's all taken away.. Since I will be bought again, soon enough.

I have never felt so meaningless, miniscule and so alone in my entire life.. I have felt alone before, just not this type of loneliness.. I'm actually on my own to no fault of my own and there is literally nothing I can do about it, whether I wanted to or not.

I honestly can't believe for the first time in my life I was finally accepted by someone who actually wanted me.. to be torn away. I can't seem to get past that realization, no matter how hard I try. I close my eyes and try to let the water sooth me.. but it doesn't seem to work at the moment.

As the water cascades down my naked frame I can't help but think of the happy ending I could have had.. the sweet, sincere and protective Quinton.. his gorgeous eyes and dark hair.. His sweet soothing tone but his soft touch that is so strong and gentle at the same time.

I can't help but sing the song to myself that makes me think of him everytime.. like our first time that we danced, just pretending to myself that this illusion is the best dream ever before it's brought to an abrupt end.. I sing softly to myself as the tears really start to pour at these thoughts I have been trying to hold back and are now hitting me ten fold like the biggest brick wall I have ever seen.

The realization that the two mates I actually get, are the worst that could have been picked for myself and here I am getting an amazing man, and for some reason he can't be my mate.. why not him?.. He is perfect and everything I wanted for myself if I had to pick any.

"Moon Goddess why? Why do this to me? Why can't I be happy? Why can everyone else be happy, but not me? What's wrong with me? Did I do something wrong? Or am I being punished for the killing of my mother again, even though we all know I never meant to do it.." I inquire obviously to no one, since I'm the ony one in this shower.

I just want a different life.. I wanted anything to take me from my pack.. but this was not the 'anything' I wanted.. I wanted the offer with Quinton.. nothing else after that idea was put into my head, because nothing sounded as good as that.. and it was just in reaching distance, so close and yet so far.. I wish I could just take that offer instead.

What am I suppose to do now that I'm completely on my own? Is there anything else I can do before I have to go out there for this auction? Probably not... because that's just my luck... or fate.

"I wish there was something we could do.. but like I said I think our best chance to escape is at the new place and not here." Myra exclaims to me as I just huff out in frustration before I nod not answering back.

"I know you miss Quinn and Sandy.. I miss them too.. I'm sorry this has to happen with us.. but please don't give up.. we can figure something out I promise." Myra states as I just let out another deep breath and nodding once again to her.

I finish washing up as I hear a woman's voice project through the room. "Ma'am you need to hurry or I'm coming in there after you." She states with so much impatience.

"I'd like to see her try to make us.. she is lucky we were just finishing up or I would stay in there longer, just to prove a point." Myra says to me with a tinge of annoyance in her voice as well.

I turn off the water and opening the shower door to see a sad looking ex-mate. He quickly hands me a towel but still staring at me the whole time that I'm wrapping myself up into it. I just pretend like he is not there because he is obviously going to be there whether I want him to or not.

He extends his hand to help me out of the shower but I just ignore it.. I don't know why he wants to try to help me with these meaningless things when he could help me out with the one way I need. I step out by myself, holding my head high because I'm not going to let him see he has had any effect in me.

I walk past him and out to the room to see a gargantuan woman, looking like a barbarian bean stalk with how tall and bulky she is.. She quickly grabs for my hand and pulling me closer to her without hesitation causing a squeal to leave my lips.. I wasn't expecting that.

She starts this beauty session off by quickly taking my towel off from around my body, spinning me around as she quickly dries every last inch off. She leans in checking out every last detail on my completely exposed body, making me feel more self conscious then I ever have in my entire life. I try to not look at her and think about anything else as I just look up to the ceiling.

"You're right Scotty she is absolutely stunning.. She will definitely be what gives us our bonus for sure." She states to him outloud as my gaze gets quickly pings over to his. I feel my jaw clenching in anger as I spat back at him. "I'm so happy to be the one to give you your bonus.. I hope it is worth it."

He gets a sad look on his face as he looks away not saying anything in response l, but I don't care.. he is selling out his mate for a bonus of all things.. I could care less if I hurt him right now because he is hurting me more than I will ever let him know.

After the longest hours of fixing up my hair and make up then followed by a dress that I'm not even wearing any bra or panties under, because the dress is too revealing to wear those apparently.. I guess it would ruin the image they are trying to portray from me. The woman takes my feet into her hands as she puts on my strapped heals for me while I let out a deep breath knowing of what's to come next.

I don't think I can handle this.. I don't think I can make it through... I think this to myself as Myra tries to encourage me. "We can do this.. everything is going to be ok I promise."

"You can't promise anything like that, its impossible... this could be the beginning to the end of me.. us." I say so sadly as I feel a tear dripping down my cheek.

"Goddess really?!" The woman yells at me as I just jump in response not knowing why or who she is yelling at.

"Seriously your crying.. stop it.. You're ruining the hard work I put into this.. don't you waste my time like that or I'll give you another scar added to your many you already have... besides you should be greatful.. he could have just used you for himself but instead you're going to be sold to a very rich man who can buy you whatever you want, well as long as you open those thick thighs of yours." She states patting my thigh as if this is just so easy for her.. maybe it is for her but not for me.

I just shake my head as a suck in a sharp breath trying to calm down. But my heart won't stop beating out of my chest.

The woman grabs my arm and pulling me up to my feet, she shoves me forward as I trip but Scott grabs my to help me steady myself. I look up at him saying a soft, "Thanks."

"Come on Scotty you know where she has to go.. better get going before she is late and you know what will happen to us if she is late.. so go." She states to him as she unlocks then opens the door for us to exit.. he just nods and pushing me ahead of him and out of the room.

The farther down the long empty hall we get, the more out of breath I feel as my heart starts to beat more and more.. I shake my head as he continues to push me forward. My eyes pan all over the surroundings, trying to find and exit but there is nothing.

I quickly turn around running straight into Scott's frame as I continue shaking my head while he holds my arms. "Come on. you have to keep going." He says to me as I just keep shaking my head with tears running down my eyes. "I can't do this.. I can't.. I know what's going to happen to me and I can't have that happen again.. please don't make me, please." I beg of him as he sadly let's out a deep breathe and saying softly to me. "You can do this."

His hands reach up and push the tears from my eyes and trying to fix my make up. But that's not helping me, only helping him if I look nice. I push him away from me as I just turn around to get this done and over with since I have no choice whatsoever.

"You look amazing by the way.." He says to me from behind, as I just shake my head at him before spatting. "I hope you get everything you have always wanted with that bonus my beauty will give you.. enjoy it and know how much I'm suffering for you and everyone else to be happy.."

The doors are opened for me as I feel his hand on my arm trying to get my attention. "Hey, it's not like that." He tries to explain but I pull my arm out of his grip and state, "That's exactly what it's like.. now I'm going to just go put there to be sold, used and abused and you enjoy your bonus.. I hope you think of me for every cent you spend. Have a great f*#king life knowing I'm not."

I turn around and strut out of my second chance mate's precence as they lead me to the back stage before this all gets started.