The Nerd and I [Book One]

Chapter Seven

[Matthias ]

I stepped forward and watched him pranced in front of me, kneeling and begging for his life. His tear-clouded eyes reflected mixed emotions of fear, desperation and agony.

“Boss please, I can explain!” He held onto my sleeves. His whole body was trembling as if he was having a seizure.

Excitement rushed through my veins and I can’t help but to pull a sadistic smile. Seeing him like this, begging on the floor, willing to do anything to make him live, the pleasure was overwhelming.

I want to cause him more pain, more anguish, more misery. I want to torment him to the point where his body will forget how to function. I want to see his tears turn into blood as I cut his precious, precious limbs one by one.

Oh the pleasure of torturing him was overwhelming.

Without any warning, I shot his right kneecap with the gun I was holding. One clean shot and blood scattered all over the place. His voice cried in pure agony and I smirked and drowned myself into his pathetic wails.

My hand twitched as I watched him stumble down on the floor. “I-it hurts!!” He clutched his bleeding knee, probably easing the impossible pain on his body.

I stepped forward and fear flashed through his face. He tried backing away from me, like an animal wounded by a hunter. I took another step forward and he sobbed again. “Please!! I’m begging you, boss!! Don’t do this!!”

I sweetly smiled at him. “You have the option of running away from me, Han. I promise I won’t do anything.” I sat on the chair that was near me, crossed my legs and looked back at him to flash a charming grin. “See. I’m not doing anything.”

I dangled the gun between my fingers while watching his feeble, almost lifeless body, crawl towards the door. His wounded knee made a trail of blood on the floor as he pushed himself to escape from me.

So pathetic. He’s so f*****g pathetic.

He finally reached the door, panting and wheezing at the same time as he reached for the knob with trembling hands. He pushed the door in despair and I can see the relief on his face.

“Aaaaaaaaagh!!” He suddenly cried in pain when I shot his hand that was holding the doorknob. He dropped down on the floor, shaking his head and mumbling non-coherent words.

“No, no, no, no, please. Boss. Have mercy...please.” He sobbed like a little baby while looking up to me. His eyes were hazy and unfocused. “...don’t...kill me...”

I smirked at him. “Oh but Han, we have so much time to bond with each other.” I stood up to walk towards him and every step I made sounded like death coming for him. “We have the whole night to spend together.”

I want to carve countless of wounds on this pathetic body.

I want to see him cry, over and over again as I take everything away from him.

I want more.

I want more.

I want more.

I want more.

I want more.

“Here’s your breakfast sir.” I stared at the maid who entered my room. She put the tray down on the table and curtly nodded before leaving me.

It’s been two days since that damn Damascus locked me inside my room. With no cell phone, no computer, no anything. It’s making me crazy.

I buried my face on the pillow. I want to see him so bad.

My ears twitched when I heard the rustle of the chains from the door. Someone came in but I didn’t bother to look who it was. It’s probably just Damascus. He’s one of the few people who were allowed to come inside my room whenever I’m under house arrest.

I always have the option of escaping but knowing that it’ll only cause me more trouble, I decided not to.

“Have you learned your lesson yet, Matthias?” I mentally groaned after hearing his stoic voice.

“You wish.” I sarcastically muttered while turning my back against him. I hugged the pillow beside me while pouting. I don’t want to talk to him. Not now, not ever.

“You’re sulking.” Damascus said in an amused voice.

“Yeah! Good job in stating the obvious, old man.” I angrily mumbled but he only snorted.

“When will you ever learn your manners, Matthias? This isn’t how we raised you.”

The way he said that made me cringe. I hated the fact that Damascus was the one who practically watched over me. Thanks to my bastard father. “I don’t know. Maybe if you marry my dad, I can finally call you mom.” I muttered under my breath but Damascus didn’t react. Good thing he didn’t hear that or else, I might spend the whole month cooped inside my room.

I silently wondered why everyone in this f*****g house was so f*****g uptight. My father, my sister, and this damn old man.

Damascus exasperatedly sighed. I was expecting for him to continue nagging me but thank God he didn’t. “I came here to let you know that your father will be arriving tomorrow.” It felt like time stopped as soon as he said that. “He wanted to talk to you.”

“What?” I gave Damascus a deadly glare but it didn’t faze him. “I don’t even want to see him.”

Damascus sat on the edge of my bed. “He is still your father, Matthias.”

I scornfully looked at Damascus. Just thinking of seeing the old man made the hair on my skin stood in remorse. “I don’t want to see him! I don’t want to see my dad! Do something about it!” I can hear the desperation on my voice but I didn’t care.

He only eyed me in pity. “I apologize but he insisted on meeting you tomorrow. He’s worried about you that’s why he — ”

I suddenly stood up to revoke what he just said. “f**k!! He’s worried about me?! When did he even worry about me?! All his worried about is money and power and nothing else — !”

"Matthias!" I hastily stopped when Damascus screamed my name. His piercing eyes told me to calm down but I didn’t. “f**k you!” I spat.

Damascus’ look softened. “I’m sorry Matthias but I can’t do anything about it. Your father’s an unpredictable person. You of all people know that.” He walked towards me to tap my shoulder. “You just have to endure it. Your father is really worried about you. All jokes aside.”

I wanted to tell him that everything he said wasn’t true but I figured that it doesn’t even matter. No matter what I tell Damascus, he will always side with my dad. Damascus wasn’t planning on telling me about his secret relationship with my dad but I’ve always known it right from the very start. They began their relationship shortly after my mother died. I don’t know how or why but I just knew. It’s not hard to see it anyway.

Damascus has always been there ever since I was a little kid. He acted like my guardian and he knew everything about me. I wasn’t really surprised to discover their relationship. I was kind of expecting it.

My dad didn’t really love my mom anyway. She was just a tool for him to gain more power since she’s the only heir in one of the biggest Yakuza group in Japan.

I sat back on the edge of my bed with a defeated expression. “I f*****g hate this family.”

Damascus pulled a weak smile. “I’m sorry Matthias.”

I tightly hugged my pillow.

I don’t want to be here. I want to go away, far from this place, just to avoid seeing my dad. I rolled to the side of the bed before releasing a loud sigh.

I jerked my head to the side when I heard someone knocking on the window. I narrowed my eyes after seeing a vague shadow behind the curtains.

I stood up to grab my gun, just in case something happens. I put it behind me while I carefully walk towards the window. Counting from one to three, I quickly pulled the curtains aside only to see Harry standing on the edge outside. He saw me and he cheerfully grinned. “Hi!” He waved a hand and I only shook my head.

I opened the windows to let him in. “Yo!” He casually greeted while making a peace sign in front of me.

I smacked him on the head and he groaned in pain. “What the hell are you doing here?! If Damascus sees you, he’ll kill you!”

“That hurts!” Harry rubbed the back of his head. “I came here to tell you something!”

“Then spit it out already.” I snapped at him.

“Hey, can’t you be a little bit happier to see me?” Harry pouted and I just glared at him.

“No, not really.” He punched me lightly on the chest, his grin never leaving his face. He securely closed the windows and pulled the curtain back.

I watched him sit on one of the chairs. He crossed his legs and smirked at me. “I brought someone here. He wants to see you.” I creased my brows.

“Huh?” He brought who?

Harry shook his head, an amused smile present on his face. “Oh you know who. Earl Harrison.”

My heart skipped a couple of beats. “The f**k?”

Harry laughed and clapped his hands in enthusiasm. “I knew it! You’re attracted to him!” He immediately stopped when he saw me glaring at him. And not in a playful way.

“I swear to god I’m going to kill you.” I said while pointing my gun at him but he quickly waved his hands to stop me.

“Woah! Calm down, Matthias! I didn’t really know that you’re into him! I just figured it out when you let him borrow your phone! You never do that to anyone, ever!” Harry explained while resisting the urge to laugh.

I gritted my teeth at him. I can’t believe he knew my feelings for Earl. “I’m still going to kill you to shut you up.”

“Geez! Relax, man! I’m not gonna judge you! You’re free to like anyone you want!” He said and I narrowed my eyes on him. “I just didn’t expect it to be Earl Harrison. I mean he’s the guy you constantly bully!”

I looked away from Harry. It was a way for me to hide my feelings for Earl. “f**k you.”

“Anyway, he said he wanted to return your phone back to you so I brought him here.” He informed and I gaped at him. “Do you want to see him, Matthias?”

I stared at Harry.

Do I want to see him? Do I even have the right to see him? I’m perfectly aware of how different the two of us were.

It’s like a devil loving an angel.

I’m nothing but a monster dressed as a human. Whenever I kill people for money, the pleasure of torturing them makes me nothing but a sadistic psycho.

I don’t want to be this way. I don’t to be the person I am now.

I need to see Earl. I need to see him. To touch him. To remind myself that I’m still a human being who’s capable of loving someone.

I slowly nodded and it made Harry smile at me.

“He’s waiting for you.”

I looked at Harry who was busy talking to the men guarding me. He’s distracting them as I sneaked towards the guest room where Earl was. Good thing there’s no one guarding the corridors. They’re probably playing poker at this time or something like that.

I stood still in front of the guest room. All of a sudden, I felt nervous.

I clicked my tongue in irritation. I need a smoke. I reached down for my pocket to fish out my pack of cigarettes. I pulled a stick, putting it in between my fingers before lighting it.

I finally opened the door without making a sound, walked inside and smiled when I saw his familiar back.

I leaned on the wall as I continue to stare at Earl’s back. He was always small, shy, reserved and had a low self-esteem that’s why people wanted to bully him. I know because I’m one of them but I have a different reason for doing it. Yeah, I admit I’m an asshole to him and I won’t be surprised if he hated me but this was the only way for me to talk and spend my time with him. I don’t have a damn clue on how to be nice to him because this was the way I am.

I grew up knowing nothing but killing, brutality and being ruthless.

I don’t know how to convey my feelings to someone like Earl. He’s innocent, pure and naïve. How can someone like me love someone like him?

Earl. Please, tell me how can I tell you these feelings? You have no idea how much I wanted to hug you, to let you know that I already fell in love with you when we first met.

Do you even remember it? That time when we first met back when were just kids? No matter how many times I replayed those memories inside my head, I won’t ever get tired of it. You told me the words that I have always wanted to hear. You reminded me that I’m still a human.

I pursed my lips. No. Don’t let your emotions get the better of you, Matthias. Not now.

“Sup.” I said to get Earl’s attention. He turned around to look at me, staring for a couple of seconds like he was assessing me. “What’re you doing here?” I asked.

He remained starting at me so I repeated my question. “I’m asking you what you’re doing here.”

Earl frowned. “I just want to return your phone back.” He took my phone out of his pocket to give it to me. “Here. Thanks.”

I looked down to stare at his hands, quietly asking myself if I’m even allowed to touch him. I’m scared. I’m scared Earl.

I want you so much. I want you so much. I want you so much.

I clenched my fists and in a blink of an eye, I pulled him close to mine. I hugged him tight but enough for him to breathe.

“M-Matthias...?” He carefully called out my name and it sounded so heavenly in my ears.

“Shut up. Just let me do this.” Someone like me doesn’t deserve this but please. Please let me hold you. “Shit.” I buried my face on his neck, desperate to smell his scent, to remind me that this wasn’t just a dream. Touching and hugging him like this was like drowning into an ocean of guilt but I can’t stop. Earl, I can’t stop. What should I do? Tell me. “Why do I want to hold you this f*****g bad?”

My senses awakened when he started reaching up to return my hug. “I wonder why as well.” He asked. I can feel him smiling and it gave me a little bit hope that everything’s going to be fine.

He caressed my back as if he was comforting me and for the first time in forever, I actually want to break down and cry.

“Thanks for making me borrow your phone.” He smiled at me and I snorted.

We were now sitting on the leather sofa. “What? You think it’s free?” I teased and he only pouted.

“I — I don’t have any money right now. I just paid my tuition fee.” He explained.

I stared at him. He’s still paying his tuition fee up ’til now? ­“So that’s why you’re working at that ice cream shop?”

He nodded. “Yes.”

“Why?”

Earl looked down on his hands. “It’s a long story.”

I only raised an amused brow at him. “Tell me.”

“My parents got divorced when I was just a kid. Ever since then, it was my mom who started taking care of me. I never knew anything about my dad and mom doesn’t really want to tell me anything about him and I guess that’s fine. Everything was perfect until she died. Since then, I started living with Edward and his dad. They didn’t really want to take care of me so I understand why they’re a cold but they are the only relatives I have and I’m thankful for everything that they’ve done.” He sadly smiled. I saw his hands clenched into a tight fist. “It’s better than nothing right?”

I stopped myself from scoffing at what he just said. He doesn’t know that Edward was lying about everything — about his mother and her death, this step-father of his, his real dad, everything.

But I can understand why Edward was hiding the truth. There were things that Earl shouldn’t know. It’s just that the story he made was too stupid I can’t help but to laugh at it.

“Okay.”

“Where’s your mother?” I blinked at Earl’s question. He quickly realized what he just asked and his face paled in embarrassment. “Uhh I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that. I just saw pictures of her and...”

“Nah, its fine.”

“Sorry. I said something inappropriate.” He said apologetically but I brushed him off. “She’s beautiful.”

“Yeah, she was.” I said and Earl looked at me in surprise.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry for asking.”

“I said its fine.” It doesn’t really matter anymore. No one in this damn house even cared when she died.

We were interrupted when the grandfather’s clock suddenly chimed. We both look at each other and it was Earl who stood up first. “I think I have to go. It’s already late.”

It was already 5:32 p.m. Damascus might be back any minute now. “Yeah. You should go.” I walked towards the window and he just dumbly looked at me.

“What’re you doing?” He asked and I just raised a brow at him. “Why are you opening the window?”

“Because this is what you’ll use to get out of here.”

Earl continued staring. “Excuse me?”

“You can’t use the door, do you want to die that early?” I sarcastically asked. “Our men are doing rounds inside the house now. If they see you lurking, they won’t hesitate killing you.” I explained.

His face turned pale. “B-but I don’t want to fall either!”

I smirked at him. “Don’t worry. You won’t die from doing this.” I pulled his hand and he tried fight back but I was stronger than him.

“Matthias! Seriously!” He pushed me back but I caught his hand and led him to the edge of the window. “N-no! I don’t want to die!!”

I leaned forward him to whisper into his ears. “Trust me.”

He vigorously shook his head. “No! You — !” He didn’t finished what he was saying because I already pushed him off the window. I watched him fall down the two-storey height and he was screaming his lungs out. Before he touched the ground, Harry who was already waiting down, caught him.

He smirked at me while giving me a thumbs up. He ran away, towards his car while carrying Earl in ease.

As much as I want him to stay here, I know can’t. If anyone from the Family discovered an outsider, they’ll definitely kill him.

When they were no longer within my reach of sight, I turned back to return to my room. Time almost stopped ticking for me as soon as I saw the man who was standing by the door. He was wearing a dark grey suit, his sharp eyes looming over me.

He smirked when he saw that I was looking at him. “It’s been quite a while, Damian. How are you, my son?”

Fuck. It’s my dad. I’m so screwed.

“Damascus informed me that you are not allowed to leave you room, correct?”

I kept my gaze on my feet. f**k, I wasn’t expecting to see him tonight. Damascus said that he will be arriving tomorrow so what the hell’s he doing here?

Of all the people in this damn world, he’s the only one I wanted to kill so badly. After what he did to me and to my mom, I could never, ever forgive him.

“I asked you a question, Damian. Why aren’t you answering?” He walked towards me but I stayed still. “Should I pull your tongue out to check if you can speak?” He sarcastically asked.

Every step he made felt like a demon was approaching me. It’s getting harder to breathe and I hate the fact that this f*****g bastard still has that effect on me. I tried suppressing all those fears deep in my mind but it was hopeless.

I looked up to glare at him but he was just smiling. I mentally sighed, deciding that it’s better to answer him. “Yes.”

He stood in front of me and I can smell that familiar strong cologne that he always wore. It was making me nauseous.

Memories of a tortured kid locked inside a dark room came rushing back my mind. The echoes of sobs, the sound of whip hitting skin, the smell of blood and sweat in the air.

I clenched my fist in anger. f**k. I don’t want to remember it anymore.

“You know Damian, everything will go smoothly if you continue obeying me” My fingers twitched in anger at what he said. “You’ll just have to be a good boy...” He caressed my cheeks and it made me shiver in disgust. I looked straight into those piercing eyes. “...and everything you want will be yours.”

Will be mine? Everything I want will be mine? Including him?

Marcus squatted in front of me, pulling a devilish grin. “Am I a good father or what?”

I woke myself up from what this man was saying. It was all sugar-coated words that meant nothing.

I looked straight into his while smirking. “f**k that.”

“What on earth happened to your face, Matthias?” Damascus asked as soon as he entered the room.

I was sitting down on the floor while trying to numb the aching feeling on my face. “What do you think happened? Try guessing.” I sarcastically asked but Damascus ignored what I just said. Instead, he closed the door and walked towards me

“Shit.” Marcus was probably one of the few men who can inflict pain on me. I held my chin but only hissed in pain. “f*****g shit.”

“Stop cussing and let me see your wound.” Damascus said and I just rolled my eyes on him. He took out his handkerchief inside his pocket and he started wiping the blood oozing out of my cut lip.

Fuck, that bastard really sabotaged my face. I can feel the side of my eyes aching and I assume I’ll be having a huge black eye tomorrow.

What a good father indeed.

“I suppose you have met your father?” Damascus asked while expecting the other wounds on my face.

I pursed my lips in anger. “And this is the reason why I don’t want to see him.”

Damascus weakly smiled. “He just missed you.”

I looked at him nonchalantly. “Was that supposed to be a joke? Please tell me that was a joke.”

“Marcus has a weird way of showing his love to others. You know that, right?” He helped me stood up. “Come on, let’s put ice on that.”

We started walking out of the room. “What? By punching his own son just because he pissed him off? I don’t know anyone who does that.”

I don’t really know how Damascus puts up with Marcus. And I don’t even want to imagine how the two of them interact when they’re alone. Gross.

“You’ve known Marcus all your life, Matthias. You know how he is.” He tried defending my dad but I ignored him.

“How long will he be here anyway?”

Damascus shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe a week or so? He’s got some business meetings to attend to.”

I groaned. That means another week of hell.

Fuck.

“Matthias?” Earl called my name like he saw someone who doesn’t exist anymore. “You’re here!”

I smirked at him. “Yeah. You have a problem with that?”

He shook his head while smiling. “No. Nothing.”

Two weeks had passed and Damascus finally released me from my house arrest. I spent no time to get out of the house. I’ve been in there for too long and it was driving me crazy. And the fact that my dad was there doesn’t really make me feel any better.

The first place I went to was of course, the ice cream shop where Earl worked at. He was surprised to see me here since it was my first time coming here so I wouldn’t blame him for his reaction. I was sitting at the far side of the shop, near the tall windows. There were few kids running around the place, couples that were obviously dating, group of friends and families enjoying their frozen dessert.

“So, what do you want?” He asked while taking his notepad out of his pink apron. He noticed that I was staring at him and he furiously blushed. “W-what’re you looking at?”

“You look stupid.” I blatantly said.

Earl playfully glared at me. “I can’t do anything about it. It’s our uniform.” He said in a matter of fact and I just shrugged my shoulders. He gave me the menu of their restaurant and I browsed it. After a while, he finally asked me what I wanted to have.

“I’ll have the Chocolate Pretzel Crunch.” I recited.

He blinked at me. “What?”

“What?” I repeated back.

“I wasn’t really expecting for you to order something like that.” Earl mumbled.

I gave him a confused look. “Huh? What’s wrong with ordering a chocolate ice cream?” Chocolates were the best thing invented in this world.

“Nevermind. One Chocolate Pretzel Crunch coming up.” I watched him walked back inside the kitchen.

While waiting for my chocolate ice cream, I silently wondered if I could star at Harry’s place. But my father will surely know where to find me if go there. Maybe I could stay at Earl’s but I can’t risk getting him involved with my family.

Okay, Harry’s out. Earl’s out. I don’t know anyone else who I can spend the night with. I don’t want to stay at a random classmate’s house. Hmmm. I guess I have no choice but stay at a hotel.

I unconsciously reached down my pocket to get my phone but I suddenly remembered I left at the house so they couldn’t track me down. f**k.

“Your Chocolate Pretzel Crunch.” I snapped out of my trance when a bowl of three scoops of chocolate ice cream with pieces of pretzels scattered on the top appeared in front of me. “Enjoy.” He gave me a small spoon before removing his apron and sitting down on the chair across from where I was sitting.

“I’m glad that you can finally go outside.” He said while folding his apron.

I just rolled my eyes on him. “Yeah, whatever.” I started eating the ice cream, smiling as I tasted the creamy taste of the chocolate that I always loved.

“I’m sorry for suddenly visiting your house.” Earl stammered. “I’m really glad you can go outside now...ah! I said it again! I’m sorry! I’ve been repeating myself!” He stiffly laughed. “Don’t mind me and just eat.”

“Don’t you have work to do?” I asked and he shook his head.

“My boss allowed me to have a break.” He looked around the restaurant. “Besides, we don’t have a lot of customers so it’s fine.” He answered.

I shrugged my shoulders and continued to devour my ice cream.

“Or is it because you don’t want me here...?”

I froze and looked up at him, shooting him a questioning look. “What?”

“Am I bothering you? If I am I can go if you like.” Earl tried masking the hurt away from his face but I could still see it. He was about to stand up to walk away but I stretched my legs off to make him trip. He lost his balance but I quickly pulled his wrist before he can fall down on the floor.

He huffed as he struggled to stand up again. “W-why’d you do that?!”

“Stay.” I demanded.

Earl just stared at me before breaking into a smile. “Fine.” He returned to his chair. “Does it taste good?” He asked while looking at the dessert I was eating.

I nodded. “Yeah.”

He smiled. “That’s good. I always liked ice cream too.”

“What’s your favorite flavor?” I asked while smirking.

Earl grinned. “Strawberry. And I suppose your favorite is chocolate.”

“Maybe.”

He started telling stories about his life as a waiter here in the shop and I quietly listened to him while eating my ice cream.

I smiled to myself. His voice was like angels singing into my ears. It was soft and timid but you can still tell it’s a man who was talking.

I looked down on my ice cream. I don’t want to finish it. Not yet. I still want to stay with Earl.

I scowled. Damn it. I’m pathetic.

Earl suddenly perked up. “Hey Matthias!”

I looked at him. “What?”

“Maybe we can continue our project in our house? What do you think?”

I stared at him. How the hell did he — ?

Was he also thinking the same thing?

“So? What do you think? Is it okay?” Earl enthusiastically asked.

I smiled at him. “Sure. Why not?”

►And Alice asked the white rabbit, “How long is forever?” and he answered, “Sometimes, just one second.“◄