Stockholm Syndrome

Chapter Nineteen

Hal's been in his room for an hour now. I wasn't sure if he was still on the phone or not but I didn't wanna risk interrupting him if he was. I knew that phone call meant a lot to him, he hasn't spoken to his brother in years from what it seems. I muted the tv to see if he was still talking, and I heard no voices. I got up off the couch and slowly walked to Hal's bedroom door, pressing my ear against it. When I heard nothing, I raised my hand and knocked softly. There was a quiet 'come in' shortly after.

I entered the room and went around to sit on the bed. Hal was sitting at his desk sketching in his sketchbook, and he hadn't even said hello to me. I sighed as I watched him scribble away, before clearing my throat.

"Was that your brother?" I asked, knowing full well that it was him, but I asked just to get him talking.

"Yup," Was all he said, as he continued to draw. I had no idea what he was drawing, and it occurred to me that I've never even seen his art before. I stood up slowly and looked over his shoulder, only getting a glimpse of what he had put down on the paper before he shut his sketchbook. I took a step away, worried that I had offended him.

"Sorry I-" I started before he turned around in his spinning chair, facing me, sketchbook on his lap. His eyes were slightly red, but I didn't even want to begin to think that it was from crying. It wouldn't surprise me if he was. "Are you okay?"

"Do you wanna know what he said to me?" Hal spoke through gritted teeth, but I couldn't tell if it was from anger or heartbreak. I nodded slightly, sitting down on the bed again, still facing him. "He said... he..." He was growing rapidly uneasy, and I could physically see the anger turn into despair. He leaned forward and put his head in his hands, letting out a choked sob. I sat there wide-eyed, just staring at him. What was I supposed to do? I shakily raised my hand and placed it on his back, trying to soothe him by rubbing small circles.

"Wh- what did he say, Hal?" I asked, speeding up the process because the sooner he got it out, the sooner he wouldn't have to talk about it anymore. He took a deep breath, drying his eyes with his sleeve before sitting up half-straight again, but still leaned forwards slightly. His nose had taken a flushed tone now, and he sniffled. He wouldn't look at me.

"I'll just... I'll start from the beginning." He said, and I reached forwards and held his hand in mine to help him along. "So... the first thing he asked was where I was, if I was alright, and what was going on. I told him I was doing okay and that I've been uh, staying with this girl... and that we have a date soon." The corner of his mouth turned up into a half smile, but he continued to look down at our hands rather than at me. "I couldn't tell him your name... I didn't want him to know I'm still doing what I do. But It was going alright, I caught up on his life, he talked about school, friends, this girl named Kristin from art class... And then he asked why I haven't called him or came home in the past few years." The smile faded from his lips again.

"What did you tell him?" I asked, and he was hesitant to answer.

"Well at first I told him I thought he was still mad at me for what I did... And he said um, he said... 'That was years ago Harry, I don't hold grudges'... So then I told him... I-" he sighed again. "Y'know he's my little brother... Even if he hated me he wouldn't tell another soul. So I uh, I told him I was still doing it." He stared coldly at the floor now, subconsciously squeezing my hand.

"It's good that you told him the truth..." I implied. I wish I knew what he was going through. I've never had a sibling or a long time childhood friend to lose. I just wish I could relate to him, tell him I understand, and maybe even give advice. I was f*****g helpless here.

"I wish I hadn't." He spoke through gritted teeth again, just how he started. "He told me he couldn't even call me his brother. We were talking and we were fine, I thought everything was gonna be okay with him again. And then I had to open my f*****g mouth."

"He asked, you told him the truth. You're not a bad person. He just doesn't understand what you do. It's kinda hard to digest." I explained.

"I don't fuckin' care if I'm a bad person or not, Frankie. I want my f*****g brother back." He had let go of my hand then, gripping his hair instead and pulled hard. I watched him sadly. I didn't have any advice to give but I had me to give. I stood up.

"Hal, c'mere..." He let go of his hair and looked up at me through his lashes, confused. He stood up though, and now I was the one looking up at him. I looked at him with pity, before crashing forwards and wrapping my arms around him. He did the same, wrapping his own arms around my waist. I buried my face in his neck, holding onto him tightly around the shoulders. "I'm sorry you had to go through that..." I spoke quietly, no need to raise my voice since I was already near his ear.

"Sweetheart, I'm still going through it." He replied and I sighed sadly again. I pulled away slightly, looking him in the eyes.

"You really want him back?"

"'Course, what kind of question is that? Were you not listening?"

"No its just... you're not gonna like it but I know how to get him back."

"And how's that."

I fully dropped my arms from around his shoulders then, grabbing his hand and leading him out of his bedroom. Today's been f*****g rough. He told me he loved me during one of the most vulnerable states he could have been in. And I didn't say it back. But when I did, I was sure I meant it. I was interrogated by a cop. I lied to him, too. Hal was held in a cell, and now his brother had disowned him. I'd say this day has gone way worse for him than it has for me. And I could barely even make him feel better. But I knew how to get his kid brother back and it was way easier than he thought. I led him to the living room and sat him down on the couch, then sat beside him.

"So what's this magical plan of yours?" He spoke sarcastically.

"I know you're not gonna like it. I mean I don't know how you think or how much you actually like doing it but... just stop killing people. Call him and say you're done with killing." I suggested. he sat for a moment in thought, chewing his bottom lip.

"I... I can't do that" He spoke quietly, fiddling with his thumbs in his lap. "Not because I don't want to, I just... I'm not good at anything. I can't get a job."

"Did you finish high school at least?"

"Yeah, I uh... actually got a Bachelor's degree at the New York School for Visual Arts..." He admitted, and I just gave him a dumbfounded look.

"Well, fuckin' use that!"

"What did I say? You can't make it as an artist."

"But you could be an art teacher, or illustrate comic books, or even work at an art store. You don't necessarily have to sit on the street with a bunch of paintings and sell em' but I mean you could also do that..." I kept suggesting things, but he still looked uneasy.

"That s**t takes time... I can't just get up and decide to illustrate comics, I actually have to talk to labels and send in my portfolio which I don't have, talk to writers, get the software to actually do the art, it's so much work..."

"But wouldn't you do that for your brother?" I asked, and he let out a breath through his nose as he thought.

"I'd do anything for him." He concluded. "But I just... I don't know. I have it so easy... Do a job once a month and have more than enough money, I barely have to do anything."

"But Hal, listen... What you do is highly, highly illegal. If you get caught you'll go to jail and not even have the chance to see Michael again. or me." He looked at me then, pursing his lips. "One of these days you're gonna be arrested for tax evasion too. And then you'll have to explain where you're getting the money from. A little work is worth not risking any of that. I don't wanna lose you and Michael probably needs you around just as much as you need him. You may be under the radar now but as soon as something goes wrong your face is gonna be all over the news and you're never gonna get the chance to live." I ranted, hoping that maybe even a little bit of that would soak into his head. "I don't know why you don't value your life. I risked s**t to get my life back and I think you should too. You have enough money to at least last you until you get an actual job. Like, work at the art store and move up from there. Okay? Start small. Do it for Michae. and me. And f**k, do it for yourself."

"I understand where you're coming from... but-"

"Hal. Please just... Just try it, okay? If all fails then fine. Be a hitman. But don't expect Micheal to forgive you and don't expect me to stay here. You may wanna f**k your life up but I don't wanna be around that. I've learned not to take people's s**t, remember?"

"Frankie..."

"I love you. You know that. It'll kill me to leave but I will do it. I just don't wanna see you get taken away and if you do, I don't wanna be dragged down with you."

He searched my eyes, finding that I wasn't lying. I stared at him back, hoping to f*****g god that he would make the right decision.

"I don't want you to leave me too..." He almost whimpered, but I wasn't gonna let him guilt me. This started off as me trying to help him get Michael back but it's turned into him trying not to let me go.

"I don't wanna leave either. Seriously, It can't be that hard... I'll get a job too. I'll finish school. Whatever. Just please don't let me leave..." I don't even know if you could call this blackmail. I was threatening to leave him if he didn't stop killing but I mean... It's not like I'm a crazy controlling girlfriend. I just want to help. And it'll be helping a lot of other people if he stops what he does too. ANd it wasn't like I was actually going to leave anyway... I know he'll choose the right path. I won't need to.

"f**k, Frankie..." He sighed desperately, having a dilemma in his mind. "I can't.. no... I can't do it, I'm... I'm sorry..."

I stared at him in disbelief. I actually thought he might've agreed for a second there. I just shook my head, stood up, pulled my shoes on, and left the house without a word. I didn't know where I was going, but I just kept walking. I didn't get very far, even though I had walked all the way across town to a small children's park. That's just how small this town is. I was sat on a blue imperial park bench, taking in the silence. I closed my eyes, just feeling the wind and listening to the birds randomly chirping around. I heard another noise, though. Footsteps walking in the snow. Getting gradually louder until-

"Hey." I looked beside me, at the other boy that had sat down on the bench beside me. His glasses were slightly fogged up, mousy brown hair almost covering his eyes.

"Hey," I spoke sternly. Normally I would be polite to strangers but I just wasn't in the mood.

"Rough day?" The boy asked, adjusting his red scarf around his neck and hitching his glasses further up his nose.

"Yeah," I answered, flicking my gaze back down to the snow-covered ground. "You?"

"I guess you could say so." He replied. I just sighed, looking up at the park now. There were no children, the metal too cold and the platforms way too slippery. It was nice, though. It was nice to have some quiet or once.

"What happened?" The boy asked, and I just shook my head.

"It's better left unsaid," I admitted. That was one hundred per cent true. "You?"

"Same."

It was a weird feeling. I was sitting on a park bench with a complete stranger, we knew nothing about each other, yet we were so similar. Something happened in his life so he went for a walk with no direction, ending up here with me, someone who had something happen and started aimlessly walking as well. Funny how we ended up in the same place. We both know the other person is dealing with something so bad they can't even talk about it, and we respect that. It was nice not having to suffer alone though, and I'm sure he felt the same.

I wondered what Hal was thinking about right now. Was he looking for me? Did he change his mind? Was he tearing himself apart from the seems trying to figure out what the f**k to do? Or is that just me. If he did love me he wouldn't come looking for me. It's safer for me out here. Not that he would try to hurt me, but because if he gets caught, my life is over too. Because I lied to the police. And once you get a criminal record, s**t is f****d. I hope he's smart enough to realize he needs to change his ways or else he's gonna have nobody.

"Girls"

"What?" I looked at the guy beside me, who was looking back at me.

"Is it a girl that's got you so upset? You look like you're thinking a lot..."

I chuckled, shaking my head. Maybe I didn't need to keep everything to myself. "A boy." He just nodded, looking at the ground and then back up at me.

"So... you're straight?" He asked.

"Um, I guess so..."

"That's cool. You don't look it," He pressed on. I could tell he was itching to talk. Maybe that's the whole reason he went outside, searching for someone to talk to. About anything at all, it seems.

"Congratulations."

"Sorry... I'm kind of awkward." He hitched his glasses up his nose again. I sighed. I wasn't the person to talk to. I stood up and started walking away, turning to the boy before I got too far.

"Tell her you like her, honesty is key." And then I kept walking.

I didn't realize I was walking back to Hal's house until I got there twenty minutes later. I walked up the front walk, sitting on the front step. I was hoping that the fact I walked out scared him into making the right choice. I doubt he thought I'd actually leave. Maybe since I did, he'd changed his mind. But maybe he didn't. It was worth it to give him a chance, though. I stood up and opened the door, entering the house again. Hal was still sitting on the couch in the same spot he was in when I had left an hour ago, except his cheeks were wet and his eyes and nose were red. It looked like he'd had a good cry and was just sitting in the after effects now. I knew because that's what I used to do.

I approached him and sat on the couch beside him, at least a foot of space separating us. "Have you changed your mind?" I asked, staring at the floor probably at the same spot he was.

"I don't cry. I never cry. Not this much." He spoke, voice hoarse and broken. "I'm an adult male and I kill people for a living. I don't cry."

"Have you changed your mind?" I asked again, my voice cracking at the last word. I made myself look at him, and saw another tear slip down his cheek, but he wasn't physically doing anything. He was just crying.

"Can I kiss you?" He turned his head to look at me, drying his eyes with his sleeve again. I hesitantly shook my head, though I desperately wanted it. "Please?"

"No." It hurt to see him so broken up. I don't know why it's so hard for him to just get a job. He would be so much happier. He'd have his brother back and he'd have me, and he'd have a life and probably way more friends.

"I-" He smiled slightly, a look so unnatural on his flushed swollen lips. "I changed my mind..." I broke out into a grin as soon as the words slipped from his mouth.

"really?"

"Yeah, I thought about what you said. You're right. It can't be that hard." I leaned over and kissed him on the spot.

"Thank you... I was so scared I was gonna have to leave again..."

"I love you. As I said, I don't cry. I didn't think you were coming back." He said seriously, and I nodded happily.

"I love you too. I'm so proud of you." I kissed him again and then looked him in the eyes. "Are you gonna call your brother?"

"Yeah," he smiled. "I am." He got up of the couch and went into his room again, closing the door for yet another eternity.