Stockholm Syndrome

Chapter Eighteen

It felt like it should've been the end of the day but it was still only near noon. I guess morning s*x wasn't really what I was used to. We were driving now, after debating whether to go to a Belleville police department or New York City. New York was a few extra hours and we wanted the time to spend together but we decided on Belleville. It was only ten minutes away from Hal's house, so I had to ask the question right away.

"Hey, Hal?"

"Yeah?"

"Uh, this is kinda weird but- how do you know you love me? Like- what does it feel like?" I asked slowly, my time quickly running out. I wanted to know what I felt for him before we got to where we were going because of the fact I might never see him again.

"Still stuck on that? Well for one, I'm driving you to my doom right now. I could go to jail for the rest of my life and I'm willing to take that risk for you even though I think its totally pointless-" He sighed, and I could tell that this really bothered him more than I thought it did. And here I am making him risk his life for me. He was being dramatic though. He was already cleared for Bert and Faith, you can't get a life sentence for sheltering a homeless kid. But still, he didn't wanna do it and I'm making him anyways. Is that love?

"Secondly-" He spoke softly after calming down a little bit. "I've never written a song for somebody before. And I've never shown anybody the songs I've written. So that must mean something, right?" I nodded slightly, thinking. It seemed so easy. Maybe to him, love is just a little word to describe your feelings. The easiest way to let someone know how much you care. And maybe it is. If there's no definition for it then how can someone truly know? I guess Hal doesn't know either. He just feels for me what his idea of love is. And I feel for him what my idea of it is. It doesn't matter if I'm wrong, I still feel something and I wanna let him know that. I think I could love him.

"You okay?" Hal asked after a few moments of silence, I forgot I hadn't replied to his last statement.

"Oh, yeah- I'm just thinking about stuff."

"Stuff?"

"it doesn't matter-"

"It's about what I said, isn't it... Just- Forget I even said it." He said, having yet another one of his personality flips. His mouth was set in a firm line, reminding me of some of our first moments together. Him hiding his emotions under a poker face, hands tight on the steering wheel, staring forwards and acting like he actually cares about driving laws as an excuse not to look at me.

"It's nothing bad, trust me. Just trying to figure stuff out."

"I said forget about it."

I hesitated before speaking again. "Hal-"

"I didn't mean it." He cut me off. I knew he was lying but something about what he just said hit me like a train. I guess when someone you think you might love tells you that they didn't mean it when they said they loved you will hurt you whether its true or not. Especially because these next three minutes could be our last. I mean I know it wouldn't be forever either way, if they take him away it won't be for long. And if he does love me he's gonna want to find me as soon as he gets out. It just sucks that I won't be able to tell him how I feel until I see him again. And I'll spend all that time wondering if he really meant it or not.

I could think of so many things that could happen if I didn't tell him now. If we did end up getting separated then he'd go on thinking I didn't love him back and try to forget about me. And eventually, he would. And I would be aware of that. But I am young and I have a whole life of meeting people ahead of me. And I'd be too caught up in my own self-doubt to go find Hal again. And he'd be too stuck on the fact that I never said it back to look for me. So either I have to tell him now or just hope that everything goes perfectly and I can keep living with him.

I could see the police station. We just had to turn into a parking lot and we'd be there. I don't even know what to say. Luckily the traffic light turned red just then. I took a deep breath before turning to him.

"Hal, will you look at me?" I spoke softly, and he hesitated for a few seconds before turning his head to look at me. "I- 'm not good with words and I don't know what I'm doing but- I know if I don't tell you now I might not ever get the chance, so..." I leaned forward over the console to kiss his lips softly. "I love you too."

"You do?" He asked quietly, biting the inside of his bottom lip.

"Yeah." I nodded, smiling. The light turned green again, and he turned that last corner into the parking lot. He pulled up and parked in front of the police station, then shut the car off.

"I'm sorry..."

"for what"

"I didn't mean what I said... When I said I didn't mean it. If that makes sense. I do love you." He chuckled lightly. "And I really don't want you to go into that station. But I won't stop you."

"I'm going in because I know if they take either of us away we'll find each other. You act like as soon as you approach a policeman you're gonna get arrested on the spot. They're just people, they don't know everything." I reassured him, placing my hand on his, which was still resting on the joystick. "If you go to jail it'll only be for keeping me a secret from the police, you've already convinced them you haven't killed anyone or kidnapped me."

"I guess that's true. They're smart, though. I just don't want them to figure anything out."

"They won't. They already used all the proof they have against you and you denied it. Stop worrying."

"Alright, alright." He took a deep breath, looking through the windshield at the police station. "Let's go in."

"Wait-" I said as he reached for the door handle. He froze and looked at me, waiting for what I had to say. That's the thing, though. I didn't have anything to say. Just something to do.

I gave him a small smile before moving towards him in one swift movement, grabbing a fistful of his hair before pressing my lips to his with a decent amount of force. He was taken by surprise for a moment, but eventually, he eased into it and placed a hand on the back of my neck. My tongue was in his mouth in seconds, as was his in mine. Our teeth even clashed together a few times but I didn't even care. It quickly went from hard and passionate to slow and desperate. We were both breathing heavily through our noses, my hands tugging lightly on his hair and his hands roaming my back and one still lightly rubbing my neck, our lips slowly moving on each other's. As for the emotional side, it felt like I would never be able to get enough of him. I wanted to hold him against me but I couldn't due to the limited movement I had, the middle console separating us. We must've been doing this for at least a minute, and I didn't really care that the people inside the station could see us desperately making out in the car, officers included.

I looked into his eyes when we finally broke apart. He looked sad and happy at the same time. And I think I felt the same. I seriously doubted that the worst outcomes were gonna happen. I was sure we were just gonna walk in there, they'd ask us a few questions, and let us go. But you can never be too sure. And I'll never skip out on kissing Hal even if it were for no reason. I smiled again, unwinding my hands from his hair and then smoothing the now tangled strands.

"Just in case I don't come back," I said, repeating what he had said the last time we had risked never seeing each other again.

"Fuckin' cheese-lord" He retorted, placing another kiss to my lips before finally getting out of the car. There's my Hal again. I just chuckled and followed him, the awkwardness of knowing people could see us finally setting in. It was also slightly illegal for us to be doing that in public indecency but whatever. The officers were probably too busy to watch anyways. The nerves started to set in as well, as we approached the station. The smile faded from my face slowly as Hal opened the door for me. An officer looked up at us, and then looked back down at his paperwork.

My haircut must've really been effective. And I couldn't help but chuckle when I saw a picture of my face posted on the wall along with all the other missing people. I went over to it and pulled it off the wall, then walked back to the front desk. There was an oldish lady there, who had just put down the phone and looked at Hal and me.

"Can I help you?" She asked, in a somewhat disconnected 'I have other things to do' tone. I just placed my picture on the desk without saying a word because I really didn't know what to say at all. She looked down at it, confused.

"I don't under-" She stopped when she looked back up at me. "oh dear... Um, let me call my supervisor, you go have a seat over there... Thank you dear" She said, then pointed at a group of chairs in a waiting area. I sat down with Hal, and he just smiled at me.

"Did you really just do that?" He asked, and I chuckled lightly.

"I did." It was only a few minutes before a larger looking officer entered the room from the back, and the first lady I encountered pointed in my direction. The officer then began walking towards us.

"Why does it not surprise me that Harold Grimwald shows up with a missing teenager he claims not to have kidnapped? What, did you just feel bad about it? Decided to bring her back and thought if you came too you wouldn't get in trouble? Oh that's not how its g-"

"He didn't kidnap me." I corrected, even though he wasn't wrong. "I ran away and he let me stay with him."

"is that right? Or did he tell you to say that?" The officer retorted. I just sighed. Another cop abusing his power and treating us like crap.

"No, sir," I said.

"Well I'm gonna take you in for questioning, and you-" He looked at Hal. "Are gonna go wait in a cell until we're done our little talk, alright?" He turned back to me. "Don't try to save this guy. If you tell me everything he'll be put away. You won't have to worry about him."

"Sir, he didn't kidnap me."

"come with me." He spoke again, and I had no choice but to do that. I was guessing there'd be another officer coming for Hal. I looked back at Hal as I followed the cop, telling him I loved him again through my eyes, and he sent me the same look. I turned my back to him then, feeling my heart fall apart piece by piece. It didn't seem like this cop was gonna be on our side.

I followed the officer into a small room, with plain white walls. There was a camera mounted to the ceiling in the corner, a table in the centre of the room and a two-way mirror covering most of the left wall. I knew very well that there could be a third person on the other side of the mirror, watching and observing yet I couldn't see them. I sat down on one of the chairs that were placed on either end of the table, and the cop sat opposite to me, pulling out a notebook and pen. He cleared his throat, and I sat, waiting for him to say something.

"So I just wanna get something clear with you before we begin." He started, and I knew exactly what he was about to say. "I've seen many cases where a kidnapper has manipulated their victims into lying to the police for them so they'd get off easy. Harold's been connected to two other violent cases so if he's threatened you or anything just know we have enough evidence against him to call a jury. So tell the truth and we'll get him behind bars. Just know your safety is my main priority. Will you promise to tell me nothing but the truth?"

I nodded slowly. A small smile formed on his face.

"Great. Now, start from the beginning." He said, clicking his pen and pressing the tip against the paper, ready to write what I was about to say.

"Should I start with me running away or do you wanna know what led up to the decision as well?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at him. He just stared at me for a moment, before sighing and pushing his glasses further up his nose.

"Francesca. You don't have to protect him."

"I promised I'd say nothing but the truth. That man is my friend."

He sighed again, before clearing his throat and starting the conversation over. "Tell me why you ran away."

"Thank you for listening to me, sir." I began and decided to tell half the truth. My dad wasn't alive to face the consequences anyways. "I don't know how much you know about my dad, but uh... he was heavily involved in drug use. Taking them, selling them... And he- he would hit me sometimes. Mostly when he was high..." I stopped for a moment to let him write that all down. "So I decided I didn't wanna be around that anymore. I left without a word. I didn't think I was gonna become a milk carton ad... I didn't even think he'd care."

"And when did you meet Hal?" He asked, taking his eyes away from his paper for a second to look at me before flicking them back down and reading over what he had written.

"Um," f**k. This is where I'd have to start making stuff up. "I had a friend in Belleville named uh, M- Michael Grimwald. So I went to his house and uh- his family doesn't really have a lot of money so I couldn't stay for long. So he called his older brother Harold and I've been staying there." I lied. I was actually proud of the story I had come up with, it was believable enough. The only thing that could go wrong is if they decided to question Hal after me as we hadn't really planned any of this out.

"Ah, I've heard about Michael. He seems like a nice kid."

"yeah..." I said awkwardly. I didn't even know the guy. I didn't even know what he looked like. And Hal didn't really talk about him enough for me to put a face or a personality to his name.

"So what made you decide to come here today?" He asked. I sat in silence for a few seconds. I hadn't even fully processed what had happened yet. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out and I closed it briefly. He just waited patiently for me to speak. He had to have known.

"I uh... I was watching the news morning and uh, saw something..."

"Was it about your father?" He asked, and I nodded slowly.

"Yeah," I breathed. "It said he had overdosed... I didn't even know they could say that much detail on tv..." I looked down at my hands, fiddling with my thumbs. "But yeah... I don't really have a reason to hide anymore, so. I'm here now."

"I'm sorry for your loss." Yeah, right. "I don't think he deserves your sympathy though. Where's your mother?"

"I don't know. She left after I was born."

"So you don't know her?"

"Not even her name."

"And how are you going to school?"

"I'm not. I dropped out when I was 16."

"Why?"

"To take care of my dad." All these questions seemed rather irrelevant by now.

"Seems like you've got it pretty rough, kid."

"So you see why I'd want to run away..." I sighed. It probably wouldn't have taken long for me to run away anyway if Hal hadn't shown up. Everything would've been the same except I'd probably be dead in a ditch by now, malnourished and freezing. So I guess Hal kidnapping me has done nothing but good.

"Yeah. I'm sorry I doubted you. Just going off of how most of the cases turn out." The officer sighed. "Just a few more questions and we'll be done." I sighed in relief. I didn't even know where Hal was right now. Apparently in a holding cell. For no reason.

"Where do you wanna go from here?" He questioned.

"Uh... Actually, I'd like to stay with Harold from now on. And I'll probably stay with him for a while." I told him, and he nodded slowly before raising an eyebrow at me.

"Why's that? Is there something more going on between you two...?" He asked. What do I even say?

"Um... Kinda? I... I don't really know yet." I said.

"I don't- I don't care." He threw his hands up. "Alright, well... I'll let you go then. You're all clear." He finally finished, closing his note pad and standing up. I followed suit, then walked behind him as he led me out of the room and back into the main area. He told me to take a seat in the waiting area again while he got Hal from the cell. My heart warmed as soon as I saw him, and I stood up immediately to go and hug him tightly.

"Let's go home, "I mumbled into his shoulder, before letting go of him. He nodded, and I turned to the officer who was standing there looking slightly uncomfortable.

"Thank you," I said, and he nodded once. Hal and I walked back to the car and got in.

"So, what'd you tell him?" Hal asked me as soon as he started driving.

"I ran away, went to my friend Michael's house and he called you and I've been staying with you, mixed that with my sad but true backstory and he believed me," I told him, and he laughed through his nose.

"You used my disconnected brother in your story?" He shook his head slightly. "Works like a charm, doesn't it?"

"It really does." I was just happy that I was free to be with Hal now. That reminds me. "So.. How about that date?"

"Really? Still wanna do that?" He raised an eyebrow at me.

"Obviously." I snorted.

"Fine, I already agreed, no backing out now." I knew deep down he wanted to go on a date. He secretly loved the mushiness. The rest of the car ride was spent in a comfortable silence, the radio playing silently the whole way back. It was only a ten-minute drive back to the house.

We pulled up outside the house and went inside, and it was almost as if Hal's phone went off on cue as soon as he kicked his boots off. I watched as he pulled his phone out of his pocket, and his face dropped as soon as he read the name on the screen.

"I need to take this." He walked into his bedroom briskly as he held the phone to his ear, then closed the door behind him. The last thing I heard from him in the next two hours was a baffled, concerned and heartbroken,

"Mikey?"