A “Dead” End

Chapter 3

I did everything I could to make him proud, by age 16 I had not only completed school but finished 5 bachelor’s degrees and 3 PhD’s. I had earned master level skills in various styles of martial arts. I was also an expert in making, assembling and using various types of guns and bombs. The more I accomplished, the more empowered I felt. He was right…..knowledge is power and finally I have gained control over my fears and emotions  to the extent that “the dark room” was just like any other room for me. Instead of fearing it, I started thinking it of a place for solitude….peace and quiet. I had gained control over my body’s reactions towards, heat…cold….chills…pain….dark….light…..none of these bothered me anymore. 

The only perceived weakness I possessed was my curiosity about the outer world……my desire to go beyond these walls. I know I will be free when I turn 18 but that is still 1 year and 5 months away….I can not imagine waiting that long. As my knowledge increased, I learnt more and more about the outside world – the cars, planes, jets, railways, cell phones, proms, parties, different cuisines, clothes that are not uniforms, the internet……so much and though I was a hacker of unparalleled talent….I have only surfed the web, as they call it, for learning purposes. I have never explored it beyond those purposes….

I have built robots….weapons….gadgets but never owned or used a cell phone. I have an expert in 18 languages but I do not know how to communicate with another person, except with him…..with him I do not have to think, I can say anything and everything to “the voice”. I wish I could know how a normal girl spends her day so I do not stumble when I go into the world. I have become so used to being the best at every skill I have ever attempted to learn that I can not imagine myself stumbling through daily life……I will ask him tonight to tell me about these things…..he has taught me so much, surely he will teach me about this too. 

That night, when “the voice” came through the intercom, I was ready with my list of questions…. Without giving him a chance to interrupt me, I relayed all my thoughts….everything I was excited, fearful or nervous about. I told him about my desire to experience the day to day life outside these walls. I trusted him with everything that was going through my mind and everything my heart longed for…..little did I know that I was digging my path towards the………”end”……listening to him, I could never have imagined that the one I considered my mentor, the only one dear to me in this entire world, my dream father will turn out to be my betrayer……my most deadly enemy……

It was almost time, in 2 days I will turn 18 and then I will be able to go outside these walls, meet him, meet other people…….live. Since that night, when I opened up about my feelings…..he made it possible for me to read books about normal life – magazines, autobiographies, fiction, journals, etc –  …..I spent any and all my free minutes soaking all the details. I started thinking about pizza and coffee and chocolate and chips and ice creams and burgers and fries……..all the foods mentioned in these books as “yummy”. I wanted to wear the flats, the heals, the boots, the slippers……all kind of footwear with jeans and hoodies and sundresses and skirts and shorts……go to the beach and a circus and a garden and a lake……so much to see and eat and wear and music…….loud and slow and rock and country, I wanted to hear them all…..learn and master them……I was so excited, I could hardly sleep…….48 hours, no 46 hours and 10 minutes and 9 seconds…..so close, yet it feels so far……..

No matter how hard I tried, I just could not fall asleep…..finally I gave up trying to sleep and decided to head over to the library…..yes, I had open access to the library now…..the only room I can access anytime, all the time. I was looking at the section of “real world” books to  choose from when I heard a voice……not just any voice but “the voice”….I was about to announce my presence when I heard a second voice……this one belonged to one of the researchers I have seen working in the lab several times. What I heard next, caused a chill to spread over my entire body……I could not believe my ears…..maybe I misheard, for there is no way this could be true….yes, that is right….it’s a dream…no…nightmare….. it’s a nightmare. Any minute now I’d wake up and realize I have sleeping in my bed….such an active imagination I have……to have such vivid and realistic nightmares……okay, Sarah…..enough now, you need to wake up…..this is no way to show gratitude to your mentor……imagining such things about him…..how would he feel, how hurt he’d be, if he knew what all you are thinking…..imagining about him. He’s been your only support within these walls……you’d still be afraid of the “dark room” if it was not for him…..those vile guards and those teachers…..what kind of damage they had have done to you, had he not stepped in and gotten rid of them….He’s like your father……this just isn’t true, it can not be…..I hope…..oh god, I beg…….do not let this be the TRUTH……anything but the TRUTH………..