I Was Here

The Yellow light

The Yellow light

I watch them both sleep. The little girl wrapped her one arm and leg on her mother’s body. It looks satisfying seeing them both hugging each other. It is like they are full of love, very simple and pure, a priceless moment for a mother and her child.

I observed how the little girl sleeps with her tiny mouth open. She has chubby cheeks and a rounded face. Her uncombed hair messily spread on the pillow. Where is your father? 

And then I look at her mother.  As she sleeps on the side I can see half of her face. I admired the symmetry of her face. She has a sharp nose, defined jaw line and a small chin. I am curious why a beautiful woman like her stays by herself. ‘What’s your story?’  I watched her peacefully sleep and wondered if she is dreaming, and if so, is she dreaming of me? Because I am right here beside her. 

I caught a glimpse of the moon lamp placed on top of the table near the bed. The lamp produces a dimmed yellow light in one part of the room. The light is not too much but just enough for me to see their faces in the dark. I observed how the yellow light softly shines alone in one corner of the dark room.

And while I was looking at the yellow light a scene arose from my subconscious mind. I see myself lying on the ground with my bicycle. I am  caught in a bright yellow light which comes from a car that is about to hit me. Fortunately the car stopped in front of me and didn’t bump into me. I stand up and continue to move with my bicycle. Not so far I see again this lady who wears a yellow dress. The yellow light and the girl who wears a yellow dress.  

 I still look at the yellow light which comes from the moon lamp. And that is when I started to comprehend how I got into this house. It is like an incomplete scene from the fracture of my memory.

I remember how I followed her into the crowds. She walks alone down the street.  I pedal past her direction and smile at her. What a lucky day when she smiles back at me. She is pretty.

Without her knowing I followed her until she reached her destination, her home. And then I found myself in front of her house. I was looking at the room on the second storey of the house. And I am guessing the room up there is a bedroom. And suddenly I see a woman who stands beside the open window of the room. From down here I am certain that the woman is also looking at me.

I don’t know how it happened. But the next thing I remember is I opened my eyes and found myself standing alone in an empty room. I don’t have any idea what kind of magic brought me here. The ceilings and the walls are neatly painted white. And the floor is composed of polished light brown wood. There is a dark brown framed window at one corner of the room.  

All I Have To Do Is DreamBy The Everly Brothers

Dream, dream, dream, dream

Dream, dream, dream, dream

When I want you in my arms

When I want you and all your charms

Whenever I want you, all I have to do is

Dream, dream, dream, dream

When I feel blue in the night

And I need you to hold me tight

Whenever I want you, all I have to do is

Dream

I can make you mine, taste your lips of wine

Anytime night or day

Only trouble is, gee whiz

I'm dreamin' my life away

I need you so that I could die

I love you so and that is why

Whenever I want you, all I have to do is

Dream, dream, dream, dream

Dream

I can make you mine, taste your lips of wine

Anytime night or day

Only trouble is, gee whiz

I'm dreamin' my life away

I need you so that I could die

I love you so and that is why

Whenever I want you, all I have to do is

Dream, dream, dream, dream

Dream, dream, dream, dream

 “The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it's not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of another person--without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other.”

― Osho