I Was Here

I Cannot Save You

I Cannot Save You

I walked to the town and passed by the only MC Donald's in town. Our conversation came flashing into my mind like an old film. ‘I think you should know that I am dead.’ I kept on walking as fast as I could. ‘You are still alive,’ he said. ‘How do you travel through time?’  My legs already hurt but all I know is I have to get to the pedestrian line at 4:30 PM where Eric was hit by a car. ‘Now you know that I am dead,’ he said. ‘You also should realize we can never happen.’  I could almost feel how my ankle hurts with my sneakers. I should have worn thick foot socks. ‘’What if you weren’t able to save me?’ He said. ‘You only waste your time then, and you might get tired.’  I swallowed deeply because my throat became dry and clearly I needed water. ‘What if you were able to save me and that changed the course of fate,’ he said ‘but then I wouldn’t remember you.’ I gasp for air breath under a face-mask. ‘What will you do if I won’t remember your face or even your name?’ I stop as I reach the pedestrian line, ‘I’m sorry but I think I will not remind you of me. I think I won't.’ I look at the pedestrian line holding back my tears. ‘But as I promise, I will save you.’ 

I decided to put my hopes higher this time. I am positive. I will think only of happy thoughts. It can happen. And it’s worth it. Eric is worth it.

4:30 PM, I stood near the pedestrian line with the crowd. I watched how from the count of fifty nine to zero, the traffic light turns to green. I observed how people began to move and cross the street. And only I remained standing still.

 4:45 PM, from among the crowds, I noticed a man probably in his late twenties. He wears black pants and black shoes, and a white polo. He carries a brown backpack. Obviously he is going to work or maybe do some business. And then  there is a woman who wears a light yellow t-shirt and dark blue leggings with white running shoes. As I look at those pairs of shoes, I can just imagine how much they cost, as they look expensive.  The woman has very short hair and a dark skinned tone. I think she maybe is a runner or some sort of athlete. 

5:00 PM, I watched the traffic light turn to red and the vehicles began to pass by the pedestrian line. On the other side of the street, I am looking at the Black Scoop milk tea shop. The store in black in color with printed white letters on top of the entrance. And the entrance door and walls are made up of thick glass.

5:10 PM, I can imagine a light caramel colored milk tea drink with tapioca pearls at the bottom of the tall cup. And then, the ice floats on the surface of the cup.

When today is over whether I make it or not, I deserve a milk tea.

5:20 PM, the traffic light changed to green again for the nth time. The traffic light will change color from red to green, and vice versa. And different crowds would cross the pedestrian line. Vehicles from cars, motorcycles, and mountain bikes will pass by the pedestrian line. The city itself moved fast and slow, and I am still here waiting alone.

It is not working. I’m not traveling back in time. Few more minutes until it turned dark and I went back home.

I feel like a loser. I am slowly drifting away. It seems like I am caught in a battle I cannot win. And I fight alone.

I am truly quiet at the outside appearance but inside my head, I am talking loudly with myself.

Am I giving up?

I cannot win.

But I want him,

It’s not easy.

I will miss him.

You’re always on your own.

It’s gone.

It never happened.

Move on.

Maybe it’s time to give up.

It is time to give him up.

Heaven knows I tried several times and it is not working. I am not travelling back in time. I am losing hope. Maybe the past is not a place for me. There is no place for me in the past. I’m sorry Eric, I cannot save you. I miss you.

Underwater

By Nikki Flores

If I could draw a line around myself

If I could be invisible, no one could hurt me now

And I would never need nobody else

But it's too late

You're everything I swore I'd never be

You're making me want something I was doing fine without

Like a wave, you're crashing over me

And it's too late... it's too late

I'm over my head and there's no way out

It's like I'm underwater trying not to drown

The harder I fight, the deeper I fall

What am I so afraid to risk it all?

I wish that I could hear, but I can't remember how

And the tide can't save me now

I'm underwater…

You're reaching out your hand to pull me in

I wish I didn't want to, but I'm helpless to resist

I'm caught up in a struggle I can't win

When it's too late... it's too late

I'm over my head and there's no way out

It's like I'm underwater trying not to drown

The harder I fight, the deeper I fall

What am I so afraid to risk it all?

I wish that I could hear, but I can't remember how

And the tide can't save me now

I'm underwater…

And the tide can't save me now...