I Was Here

Time Travel

Time Travel

‘Irina!’

He sits beside me and gives me a small red heart shaped can. I open it and find a gold necklace inside. And then he hands me little yellow flowers together with a letter. I opened the letter and that is when I heard someone call my name so loud; Irina!

Tonight I am awake in a dream again. I fall asleep and fly again. I freely float in one corner of the ceiling. I watch how I sleep with Mallory beside me. And there is this man who sits on my bed. This time I see his face clearly. And yes I know that face, and I also have the name, Eric Marcus. Eric, did you just call my name? Whenever I dream of him, everything seems real. I watch him move closer to me while I sleep on the bed. He whispers something into my ear. I heard him say; ‘Please don't look for me.’ 

I woke up and almost missed the alarm clock. It is just a bad dream. Only just a dream. I am dismayed. I don’t want to think about him anymore. He is not real anyway. I only see him when I sleep. He is not real. Before him I am okay with being alone, there’s just me and Mallory. Why did he come anyway? Why did our worlds collide in a dream? It is not that important anyway.  He said I shouldn’t bother looking for him, I am over him.

It’s already 7:30 AM, Aunt Grace will be here at any moment. I wake up Mallory who lays beside me and carries her to the living room. Mallory I’m sorry I woke up late.’ I said and slid some biscuits and cupcakes in her pink unicorn backpack. ‘Áunt Grace texted me and she’ll be here in a minute, so you will eat breakfast in her house, and take shower there.’

‘Can I skip school today, Mama?’

‘No,’ I said. ‘Just four more school days, and then it is Saturday.’

‘Whatever,’

‘Please don't look for me.’  Why? I don’t understand. Maybe it doesn't even matter that I don’t understand. I lay on the wooden floor looking blankly at the ceiling. I still feel bad though. I am not in the mood to work today, maybe I could use some excuse for a sick leave. I deeply exhaled. I pull out my mobile phone and compose a message to my supervisor telling him I cannot report for work today because of a migraine. This should do.

I don’t know what I can call it, me and him. It is like a love story that is not a love story. Maybe almost a love story, but it never happened, we never happened. It is something beautiful, a very beautiful feeling my heart yearns for. But whatever it is, it is not here and I don’t have it. I reached out my hand and grasped onto nothing. For it is not there. And nobody knows just me and him. I am here, I opened my eyes and I am here alone.

I pulled out my mobile phone and played a song from Spotify, Somewhere Only We Know by Keane. I lay there on the floor motionless listening to the song as it fills my heart.  

Somewhere Only We KnowBy Keane

I walked across an empty land

I knew the pathway like the back of my hand

I felt the earth beneath my feet

Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?

I'm getting old and I need something to rely on

So tell me when you're gonna let me in

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree

I felt the branches of it looking at me

Is this the place we used to love?

Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?

I'm getting old and I need something to rely on

So tell me when you're gonna let me in

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute, why don't we go

Talk about it somewhere only we know?

This could be the end of everything

So why don't we go somewhere only we know?

Somewhere only we know

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?

I'm getting old and I need something to rely on

So tell me when you're gonna let me in

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute, why don't we go

Talk about it somewhere only we know?

This could be the end of everything

So why don't we go? So why don't we go?

Oh, this could be the end of everything

So why don't we go somewhere only we know?

Somewhere only we know

Somewhere only we know

Loneliness isn’t bad for me though. I am very used to it and I know pretty well how to make good use of it. All these time I am occupied with rebuilding my life with Mallory. I stand up facing a full body mirror beside the closet. ‘You’re doing fine Irina,’ I said to my appearance in the mirror as if talking to another person. ‘Dress nicely and grab yourself a nice drink.’ I added.

I am right, I need to dress nicely and go outside today. Since pandemic hits and work from home is enforced, I seldom go outside. I only go out like twice a month if I need to withdraw money from an ATM and buy some groceries. Most often I pay the bills online and also order food online. I need to take myself on a date.  

After I hit the shower and get dressed. I stand again in front of the mirror closing the buttons of my knee length white dress. I neatly combed my hair and smoothly  applied the lip tint. I admired the light nude reddish brown color it gave my lips. I looked at my face in the mirror and a tear fell from my left eye. I asked myself; Why can’t I be happy? 

10:00 AM I am outside the house. I hear Chi-Chan cry from the gate as he looks at me. ‘Just wait for me Chi-Chan, I'll be back soon.’ I said and tapped his head.

I am thinking of having a haircut, and so I visit the nearest salon where I used to go. Only when I get there, the glass door is closed with a sign pin to it; Sorry We Are Close Today. There is no one inside the Salon. The lights are all turned off.

I observe how the pandemic changed the city. From what I notice most of the establishments are close like bookstores, churches, schools and parlors. What used to be a crowded and noisy city is now almost similar to a ghost town.

I passed by the only MC Donald's in town. There are a number of chairs spread apart in the waiting area outside the store. Social distancing is what it is. There is a sign at the entrance, it reads: No Dine In, Take Out Only. They only allow a maximum of five customers inside the store. And before you can enter the store you need to scan the QR code outside.

As I continue to move, it feels strange to not see a vendor or crowd on a Monday morning. Sad, I know. I turn left in one corner and there I see an old styled coffee shop. I think a nice cup of Macchiato will do. The brick walls of the coffee shop are covered with red orange paint. There are a number of pots of plants outside the shop. And there are two large glass windows where you can see what’s inside the shop.

I peek to the window and see wooden chairs and tables, and a few small size couches inside the shop. I drew near the glass door and I caught a glance of a black piano at one corner against the wall. And there is a black round wall clock above the piano.

And there is a man who plays the piano. I observe how broad his shoulders are in his white shirt. And he has masculine arms. He suddenly stops and turns around, as if he senses someone’s looking at him. And because he does not wear a face mask I clearly recognize his face. He has thick eyebrows, a pair of manly deep eyes, a sharp nose and small lips. He also has fair skin and black hair.

My heart beats so strong and fast, the moment it wants to leap out of my chest. I feel like I step into a  blank space between time and distance. Just like a magic only I can see. At one moment I am down and numb, but now I know for sure I am happy to see him, it’s like I can fly and step on a cloud nine. Eric Marcus, there he is.

I happily look at him and then I begin to doubt. Am I not dreaming? I stand near the potted plants outside the shop.  And to my surprise the glass door opens. I see Eric come out of the door, he is wearing a black shirt and shorts. He is with two other men, whom I think most likely are his friends. ‘How about a drink today?’ one of the men said, ‘There is a newly opened bar nearby, and they also sell grilled pork and chicken.’ The other man chimes in; ‘Sounds good, we can eat and drink.’ he said. ‘Come with us Eric.’ He added as he turned to Eric. ‘Sure.’ Eric answered as he walked past my direction, only he did not notice me.

I stand there alone and speechless. I am surprised. He did not see me nor did he even notice me. How come a newly opened bar? Unbelievable, there is a liquor ban and bars are forced to close because of the pandemic. And why are they not wearing face masks? And these days you really can’t go out without a face mask or else the authorities will stop you.

Out of the blue I heard a man shout, ‘Sweet Mangoes For Sale!’ I turn around and to my surprise the city is not dead. People spread everywhere. And everybody doesn't wear a face mask nor do they practice social distancing.

A little girl with a red balloon comes running out and she almost bumps into me. But even this little girl did not seem to notice me. This girl also does not wear a face mask. How come? Minors are not allowed to go outside.

‘Mommy, please buy me that toy,’ a little boy about eight or nine year old calls to his mom pointing at the vendors selling toys at one side of the street.

It feels happy to see a city once dead come back to life, but at the same time strange. How come? I slap my face not too hard to make sure I am not dreaming. Why does this dream look so real? As if it is not enough, I pinch my left cheek a little harder only to feel the pain. And yes, it hurts.  I am not dreaming. Oh my, I am not dreaming, I laughed.