Over Me

Chapter 6

Kyle's POV :

"There are so many ways to see the world. But there are two main ways to see it. It's either good or bad. You know what, half of the people see this world good, while half of it see this bad. The thing is you can see the world in whatever way you want. But no matter what happens, the world remains as one. If you think about it, that world resembles you. Right now you see that world so bad. You're looking down to it. Blaming it on whatever bad happens to everything. You're a shame, you can't see that as a world but you can see that as trash. People just come and go and that's normal. But blaming yourself for their loss wasn't. It doesn't even make sense. On how you love, on how you trust. those things are just temporary and you, your world remains as only one. She gave her heart to you. She didn't mean to replace you. If only... You all still see her as a part of your family and never left her behind. "

Everything is flashing back to me while I see her cry like that. I remembered how she cried at my shoulder while telling me everything about her life. That time I was shocked when I knew she was a ghost. This seemed like a fantasy whereas people could still see her, no wonder why her parents are always not there, not even in every GPTA meeting. She lied. I know she lied but I also know why. She has an acceptable reason. She said there once upon a time, a princess died. She thought that the princess will have a happy ever after with her family and soon will have her own. But after all, that can't be happening again. Through all her life until now she's living on her own. She never asked for help, but I feel she's sad. Every time I look at her when she saw a family, her face seemed to break down into sudden sadness. If only I knew it at first. How Chloe cry, is how she cries too. Those times I'm with Chloe, all I see is her. All I feel is her, She was her at the very first. How she stares, how she wrote, how she waves her hand, the way she talks, the ways she laughed, they are all the same. Looking at her right now, blaming herself on her sister's death makes me feel guilty. I don't know. I can't move, I was trembling, I want to hug her tight but... I can't explain.

All of them stayed quiet, as I stood in here with my head bowed. I feel their grief, their melancholy. This whole room seemed ghost-quiet. Their tears are falling until I realized I was crying too. Let me just take this one step. Rija, please guide me. You're her and she was you. How to make her stop? How to comfort her? What should I say? What do I do? How to think?. I can't reach your presence, I'm too far from you, I'm... I'm sorry. I left you behind. But I want you to know that now and then, I miss you, Every day, every minute, I miss you. I don't know what to do, I'm thinking about you, I feel I messed up. I wanna scream. HELP ME!

Chloe's POV :

What he said is right Chloe. Everything. We're sorry, But I can't still make up my mind. I think this will stay for a few months. I'm ready to overthink now, just for you. Please be safe until I come back. Please never leave that place. And when I came back, give a warm welcome. Give me a tight hug and a kiss on my forehead. Once again I wanna feel that all. I wanted you to stay, but it's been years and it's very late to say "please don't die, please stay with me" and now I accept, I accept that you're only a ghost. And if I can't get close to you, I'll settle for the ghost of you. I miss you more than life. And if you can't stay right beside me, those memories remain ecstasy. I love you Rija. Wait for me.

More tears began to fall, again and again, they are all quiet and here I am sobbing again. Let me just cry. Let me burst out of this sadness. I don't wanted to hurt someone just to relieve just a single time, maybe for an hour let me throw out all the tears. Accept all the happenings and calm my self from everything. Little by little, I'll be okay.

......

It's been months, but still can't overcome from everything. I was already fine. Those tension on my body and brain already disappeared. But the thing is, the overthinking, I guess I'm gonna be totally crazy if this will continue. I don't wanna get myself wrong but, this is me. I overthink everything, especially when I met my twin sister and knew what happened from the past. What could make me crazy I think is if I admire a sister through all my life. now that I knew that I have a sister I was finally kind of complete. Now the next thing to do is to accept t. Accept that she was dead and learn to let her go. I know she would stay although she was already in heaven. And I know she won't live this freakin' world unless I learn to let her go. She's my sister, she will wait for me, she believes in me. And I know she knew what I felt from the start.

It's interesting when you think about it, because a lot of people are usually stuck with the "I love you and that's why I can't let you go", and that's a interesting concept in itself because the question really is "is it more to do with selfish love? or is it really love for the other person". Shouldn't love be one of those things where you love somebody so much, you want the best for them you want them to be happy all the time, you want them to be experiencing the positivity everyday. So if you know that you are somebody that is not so compatible with the other person right now, maybe you are not the best for them and they are not the best for you. Maybe there's a lot of clashing happening or, a lot of arguments happening, and if that's happening in every single day and both are in upset it's kind of like this slow dying that is happening. Why would people put somebody that they love so dearly, who they said they love so dearly, why would they put them through all of that?

And it's obvious the argument will be. I'm not trying to put them through that. You know, I'm trying to love. I'm trying to... I'm trying to do the best for them. Yes, but I know trying is very different from actually giving what they want or what they need. If you where satisfying their needs, then surely they would be happy.