smile(part 1)

All about acceptance -2

One day there was a dj night in our college .. I didn't planned to go.. But rithik was forcing me to come and also my friend was interested to go so we went to dj.. There I sawed him closely for the first time and we talked for the first time.. I felt very happy and I felt butterflies in my stomach whenever I made eye contact with him.. I never shared this feeling to anyone I was feeling nervous around him..

After that day I realized I fell in love with him but I don't want that so I started ignoring him I told him not to message me I never accept your proposal I will never fall in love with you ... He was saying don't do that I will wait for you until you accept me.. He begged me so much and I said some harsh words and behaved rudely.. But my heart was paining I don't want to hurt him at the same time I don't want to continue, that I know my parents won't accept this so one day I have to abandon him.. I never wanted that to happen so I want him to leave me ..but he requested so much that I couldn't say no to him.. I said ok let's text each other but I won't accept you.. He said I will wait.. That was making me crazy every time he was saying ok I will wait..

I was saying him not to message me but I was praying God to let him message me Or else I will go mad.. Because my day starts with his good morning message and ends with his good night message.. I was so attached to his message if he doesn't message me on time I was going mad I was checking mobile for every 30 sec.. But I was not expressing these feeling of mine to anyone even with my best friend... I was saying everyone he is nothing to me but only me knows how much he was to me..

That time my life was colourful I was always in happy mood and I was ignoring my all problems in college .. At night I was always in call.. His voice makes me feel shy..

At that time exams, labs tension was not there because I was always thinking of him.. Waiting for his text.. Remembering his voice..

Everything was nice although I didn't accept his proposal we are like a lovers only.. And I also decided to go with flow..

One day we exchanged our i********: I'd.. I didn't plan to check his messages I trust him.. One day I was bored so I opened his insta and was simply scrolling ,I found his friend chat .. I know her but I simply wanted to read their text for time pass... They texted about me also he introduced me by sending my pics and he told she is my girlfriend.. While looking at it I felt happy .. While reading the older message I found out he has girlfriend in pu after seeing that my eyes filled with water because this I was asked him so many times whether he had girlfriend in previous college or not every time he said no... He said I am the first.. So my heart broken... Because my trust for him was that much..

Her name was athira.. He told about her but he told different story... He lied to me.. He told that everyone was teasing her with him but he had no feelings for her.. That was a lie they both were committed..

I couldn't even imagine that once he loved someone other than me... I asked him why he lied to me.. He told if I told you that I had girlfriend you would leave me so I didn't told you.. He said sorry so many times but I didn't received his call nor reply his messages...

I was so much possessive about him that I was hating myself why would you become like this.. I can't even tolerate his past girlfriend.. I was telling myself it was just a past why are you reacting so much but I don't have the answer.. Whenever I imagined that he loved someone I started to crying..

After I calm down I asked him about his love story he told we loved each other and we made little move after that we broke up .. He told Her character was not good so I broke up with her ... I believed him again I trusted him because I don't want to lose him..

After that I become even more attached to him.. Every day he was saying good night I love you and after that he was putting 3 hearts.. That little things gives me happiness and builds storong attachment with him...

During that time I had study holiday for my sem exam I was scared of one exam because I had less internal marks but still I was not studying instead I was in call with him... He made my life upside down.. My routine my fear everything changed.. Fear of exam changed to fear of loosing him..

My sem exams was finished and one exam was not went well so I had a fear of failing in that subject within one week my results came as expected I failed in that subject so I was feeling down at that time he encouraged me so much but still I was like that only..

I cried so much I went complete silent I was not talking to anyone.. He was telling me everyday don't be like that you can clear in next sem talk like before smile.. After someday I become normal.. He was happy and we both started to talk like before.. At that time I thought he will be there with me till the end and I have to convince my parents so I was thinking to tell about him with my mother..

I tried so many times but I didn't have dare to tell so it failed..

One day I got message from his best friend.. That day was the worst day of my life..