Faded memories
"I'm sorry?" she said, not really sure how to respond to what she just heard. Apparently being complimented by that guy was somehow her fault. Not even complimented directly. She never met him. He just happened to see the group photo in which Alessa was standing with other girls and said something about her legs. The guy wasn't bright enough to refrain from remarks about a strange girl, even though, his actual girlfriend was sitting beside him. She was actually the one showing him the photo, hoping to hear something along the lines 'wow, you are truly the most beautiful babe ever' or 'aren't your friends super jealous of you?' Instead she saw her boyfriend pointing at Alessa and heard 'That one got nice legs.'
And that was all it took to make the girl mad. Not at her boyfriend. No.
The owner of the mentioned legs was to blame.
Also called her best friend.
Alessa was having hard time deciding how to react to Maggie's accusatory tone and venomous glare so she did what she thought was safest for her. She apologized and told her she feels bad.
"Well, imagine how I feel!" Maggie shouted almost spitting in Alessa's direction.
It was kinda unreal and a bit absurd to be blamed for... Alessa couldn't quite define the crime she apparently committed. At least according to her so-called best friend.
Was it having legs? Ah, right.
Nice legs.
She would be willing to believe that the way she was treated by her bestie was some weird misunderstanding if it wasn't for Reyna, who was now hugging Maggie, silently agreeing with the unspoken accusations towards 15-year-old owner of 'nice legs'.
Whole situation was bizarre. Maggie shed a tear and started whining something about betrayal. Alessa didn't argue with her. All she ever did was trying to please everyone around her. Especially her best friend. She avoided conflicts as much as possible and was often driven to tears when she wouldn't fight back. She still remembered vividly the field trip where she was shamed by Maggie. Shamed for being in a team with boys when their class was playing a game. Shamed for playing by the book and not letting Maggie win. Her best friend used to be nicer before Reyna joined their class and the two started hanging out. She always made her new friend feel good by letting her win in sports and taking her side no matter if she was right or wrong. Reyna also didn't care much about her own appearance.
Reyna was safe.
Alessa wasn't.
Which was just proved by the unnecessary attention Maggie's boyfriend paid to anyone but Maggie.
Fortunately Alessa could retreat to the classroom as the bell announced end of a break. She was still trying to process what just happened. Everything in her screamed about unfairness but she didn't say a word. She would just lock all her emotions inside her body and go on with the remaining classes, taking in the hostility that radiated from her friend. Maggie would eventually 'forgive her' the moment she needed Alessa to help her with some school assignment or when she got bored of the current boyfriend.
Or when she could have the upper hand in something.
And gloat over it.
It used be her looks. Alessa wasn't, after all, following latest fashion trends. She was convinced from the early age that her slim body looked sickly, her wavy hair looked messy and her pale skin used to be covered by very persistent acne. On top of that a bra seemed to be optional for her as there wasn't quite much to support. Her sky blue eyes was the only thing she liked about herself. For years she wore clothes one or two sizes too big to cover her "sickly body" and her trousers or skirts never went above her ankles, as her bestie told her that her legs are kinda crooked. It took some time in locker room after Alessa's gym classes and girls from senior class to convince Alessa that her body is far from sickly and her legs are anything but crooked.
She still smiled at the memory of that day.
"Why in the world are you always parading in those baggy things?" blonde asked that day pointing at Alessa's trousers.
"What do you mean?" she asked back wondering why the blonde even bothered looking at her.
"Girl, I saw you changing," she said and seeing Alessa's wary look added quickly, "Not in some perverted way, ya know, I'm as straight as possible, which makes my life miserable sometimes, because, ya know, men." She blabbed, ending with something that was supposed to be universal struggle. Not that Alessa would know, she preferred books to men.
And it wasn't like any guy was ever interested in her. Okay, maybe one or two.
If we count primary school, that is.
However, blonde's friends nodded knowingly, so there must have been some truth to what she said. Alessa looked at her reflection in the mirror. Blonde hopped to her side and grabbed her leg.
"Excuse me? What are you—"
"Look, girl, show me the specific part of your leg that is anything but to die for," blonde interrupted, "I can see it's not just some fake modesty or fishing for compliments," she paused looking at her friends who nodded in agreement, "you genuinely think quite low of yourself. I don't wanna dig in some past trauma sh*t or whatever that is that made ya see yourself this way. But today consider me your fairy godmother. Just the one with fashion sense and killer body."
Alessa narrowed her eyes at the girl trying to determine whether it was all some stupid prank. She had her fair share of those in school she transferred to for a year before going back to her familiar one. When it came to her parents' decisions about her education it was one of very few she was able to change. Especially when that school made her even more miserable than Maggie.
"Ok, ya girl, need some more convincing I see," blonde said watching Alessa's reactions, "Ya, Kat, do you have a spare skirt? I think ya both have same size," she bellowed to her friend.
"I sure do!" replied the one called Kat and hurried to her locker. She pulled out a denim mini skirt and handed it to Alessa who was now staring at the piece of clothing in utter horror.
This must be a joke.
"Put it on!" blonde instructed, "Let's have a micro makeover sesh."
If this is a joke and the pictures of her undeniably ugly legs in that tiny skirt start circulating at the school... Alessa's mind started racing around possible scenarios. Curiosity got the better of her though.
"Alright." She sighed and quickly put the skirt on.
"Oh my!" exclaimed the girl who was only nodding so far, "You look hot! Dee, you were right about her."
"I knew it," added blonde that the other girl called Dee.
Alessa had to admit she liked the way the mini skirt hugged her hips and accentuated the length of her legs. The only sort of short skirt she ever wore was that ugly dark blue one that reached her knees and didn't quite have a shape.
Making her look like a ham on toothpicks.
Although her mother referred to it as "elegant and cute" and paired it with even uglier white shirt with rounded collar. Obviously two sizes bigger than what she was supposed to wear.
Alessa frowned at the recollection of her 'formal attire'.
The shirt had shoulder pads for crying out loud. She winced as she remembered the class photo from previous school, where she stood next to the head teacher she despised.
Looking like they dressed in the same old women store.
No, the skirt she had on right now was no way near that horrid outfit.
She cast one last glance at her reflection in the mirror, saving the image in her mind for the time she felt terrible about her appearance.
So probably the very next day.
But when she started unzipping the tiny piece of clothing, the skirt owner protested,
"Keep it, girl," she said raising her hands and pointing at newly discovered figure that Alessa was now presenting, "You need it way more than I do."
"Oh no, I couldn't possibly—"
"Save it," Kat interrupted, "Do you know how many of these I own? I can barely close the door of my wardrobe. It will be actually good for me to make some space for new stuff."
"She is not exaggerating, ya know?" Dee pitched in, "I saw her closet. She could probably sell half of her clothes and still get lost in the remaining ones." She sighed.
"You all are really nice," Alessa said, "but it's just too much. And to be honest you don't even know me, yet you give me this... It just doesn't feel right..." she finished, her voice trailing off.
"I said 'consider me your fairy godmother'." Dee smiled. "Even though Kat is the source of my magic," she chuckled looking at her friend, "we all enjoy a good makeover sesh and we could tell you were in desperate need of one. Seriously, is your goal to join a convent or something?"
Alessa's goal was far from it but now she was beginning to see why she would be perceived that way. She went back to looking at her reflection. Perhaps her milky skin needed some sun after all. Maybe it wouldn't hurt if she kept this gift and wore it sometimes.
"Then it's settled!" Dee clasped her hands as she saw how Alessa was now embracing the result of micro makeover, as she liked to call it. "Obviously, you would totally need full glam sesh some time, ya know, with make up and like, actual fitting clothes," she added, "but this will do for now. We had fun. If you feel like having a full makeover day with us, find me, Kat or Shay," Dee pointed to her friends, "we need to run to our class now and expand the horizons of our knowledge or whatever but don't hesitate to reach out to us." Blonde paused and asked, "Oh, what's your name?"
"I'm Alessa." she answered smiling at the girls.
"Was nice meeting the real you, Alessa." Dee winked and the next moment they were gone.
Alessa changed into her trousers after all, deciding she would try to pair the skirt with something after school. Maybe she would even go to the mall with those girls one day. She couldn't deny she felt good about her body first time in a very long while. Just as she was leaving the locker room, she almost collided with Maggie.
"Have you seen the nasty trio?" her friend questioned, looking displeased.
"The what?"
"Ugh, those three girls from senior class," Maggie clarified looking at the hall and turned to Alessa feigning concern, "they weren't teasing you, were they? Poor you."
"No, they were actually nice, they—"
"Oh but surely you can't think of hanging out with them!" she interrupted, horror evident on her face, " you know what people say about them, no? They like to sleep around and drink!" Maggie grimaced, "you wouldn't want to be perceived as a loose girl now, would you?"
"I don't even date, you know that!" Alessa replied to her friend and added, "it's not even like anyone is interested in me."
She could swear she heard Maggie saying "Good." but decided to believe it wasn't because of how unpopular Alessa was among guys.
No, it was our of concern.
For sure.
"Just stay away from them," Maggie added, "You don't wanna tarnish your reputation."
Did she sense a sort of threat?
No, it was her friend looking out for her.
Of course it was.
Alessa chose to listen to her bestie and stopped thinking about shopping with the girls she just met. If Maggie thought it was in her best interest, she had no reason to believe otherwise. Her friend was the popular one and knew people at school so who would be better to turn to for advice.
Obviously noone.
Alessa thought of that day and compared the events. She wasn't so convinced anymore that her best friend was looking out for her. Not reaching out to Dee, Kat and Shay was one of her biggest regrets. It was only last year that she started changing her clothing after she got that mini skirt from Kat. Yes, Alessa had more clothes closer to her true size now and showed more of her figure but it would be probably easier if she had some guidance. She knew nothing about fashion but could at least tell that there are things that look decent on her. Clothes that don't make her hate the way she looks. If only she could do something about that messy hair of hers and get some more confidence...
She looked at her current outfit. Straight jeans were quite a bold move for her considering she used to wear something that looked like a mixture of a long skirt fit for convent and something that Aladdin would wear if he was placed in a contemporary drama.
With no budget.
Her sweater's size tag screamed a shocking "S" for small and despite still being bit too big for a girl that had a runway model figure, it was a huge improvement from all the 'medium's and 'large's she used to wear daily. It wasn't even grey, the colour she happened to wear all the time, making her pale skin look understandably more dull than usual. No! It was blue and black stripes that gave a slight promise of some life still present in the fair skinned owner. Her wavy hair was brushed lightly, letting some side curls form here and there, drawing attention away from her now almost non-existent bangs.
Oh Lord, she didn't miss the bangs at all.
What her mother called "adorable and neat" was the rectangular strip of hair that was curved on a big round brush. It looked like door canopy that was at the entrance to the oldschool cafe near her home. It was the one people could actually call "adorable and neat". Door canopy on her face was anything but. The decision to grow her bangs was one of the best in her life, she was damn sure of it.
She also learned how to use concealer and enjoyed frequent use of mascara. The first one was a true life saver when she woke up with yet another spot on her pale face. Seriously, her complexion made her acne stand out even more. So she was over the moon when she discovered her shade in the drugstore.
Was the change good enough for her?
No.
But did it make her dislike herself less?
Absolutely.
New look also seemed to annoy Maggie so she teased her more often. Alessa didn't think much of it until the unfortunate compliment about her legs.
From the guy she never met.
She saw a photo once, when Maggie bragged about her new boyfriend looking "so hot". To her there wasn't anything remotely hot about the blonde guy with braces.
Braces with multicoloured rubber bands.
Like for a child.
Obviously Alessa saved her thoughts to herself.
She sighed and waited for the bell to announce end of classes.
Finally sweet sound filled the building and students started leaving the premises. She jogged to the exit, not waiting for another pleasant exchange with Maggie or Reyna.
Loneliness didn't bother her too much. The year she spent in another school was a true nightmare. Maggie was a mere nuisance in comparison. Here she could at least talk casually to other girls in the class, even if it was just asking about the upcoming tests. Teachers were much more friendly and approachable as well. She felt appreciated. Her history teacher loved her projects on baroque, her art teacher recognized her skills and was often signing her work up for regional contests and Alessa quickly gathered quite a collection or prizes. Those examples alone showed massive difference to the previous school where history teacher hated everyone.
And the feeling was mutual.
Art teacher lived in her own world and Alessa only saved her grades when she poured some contrastive colours on paper and, while describing her work to the teacher, she made up some sh*t about portraying conflicting human emotions. Before that the beautiful landscapes she painted, magnificent sculptures she made of clay or realistic sketches she drew were summed up as "dull and lacking soul".
Yeap, she couldn't stand her art teacher too.
Rest of subjects wasn't much different.
Students were another level of bad.
Her class consisted of a group of girls and guys that knew each other for years and didn't approve of a new addition.
So they bullied her.
But Alessa persevered and by the time she convinced her parents to transfer her back to her old school after full year, she couldn't give a damn in the slightest about being disliked by the entire class.
It would be easier to get accepted if she could blend in a little but looking like a younger copy of a head teacher didn't help.
She would be using breaks to get away from her classmates and read books or study. A few minutes can last really long when you are trying to kill the time and avoid as many people as possible.
She lived through the nightmare.
So it might be the reason why Maggie's teasing was close to nothing and disregarded. Perhaps if she was used to the healthy environment from the start, Alessa could react earlier.
And could recognize a fake friend.
A fake friend that used Alessa to her benefit and prevented her from making new friends or feeling better about herself. A fake friend who was annoyed whenever Alessa looked good. Finally, a fake friend who blamed her for something she had no power over.
"Well," Alessa thought, "that ends now."
