Love at the Right Time

Jo Damn, it’s our twenty year reunion already… I stared blankly at the f*******: invitation for what seemed like ages before clicking the Going button. I knew it was coming up soon since a couple of my classmates from the planning committee had called me asking if the band I had started up with only members of the class of 2004 would play that night. It was an easy and unanimous yay considering we all intended to be there in the first place. Plus, we knew it would be a blast. I immediately started looking at the RSVP list to see who was going to be there. We were a small class consisting of only 180. Many stayed in our small hometown, some ventured off, and some seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth never to be heard from again. One of those, for me anyway, was Lawrence Ryder Jamison Junior. More loving known to me as Ry. Ryder hated being called Lawrence or Larry, and especially never wanted any of his friends referring to him as Jr. That was reserved for his parents. So, he went by his middle name Ryder instead. He was my absolute best friend in the entire world from my first day in seventh grade as the new girl in school until our relationship took a serious toll right before we graduated college. We “made up” as best we could, but when we reconnected at our ten year reunion nothing felt right. Part of it was we were both now married, me with a son, making it inappropriate to rekindle our seriously intimate friendship. So….we put on our best smiles and introduced each other to our spouses, and made small talk for the night. We parted ways saying how good it was to each other again and to keep in touch. However, we both knew that wasn’t going to happen. Later that same night, my husband Johnathan brought Ry up again. “So…was that Ryder as in Ry? As in THE Ry?” Johnathan and I have always been a complete open book with each other, with the exception of one particular Ry and Jo event…or rather, weekend. Otherwise, no exes skeletons were lining our closets. “Yeah, it was. I hate how weird it felt seeing each other tonight.” “Well you did part ways kind of stressfully. Don’t be too hard on yourself, sometimes people just grow apart,” he said, comforting me like he always did. “I know,” was my all I could reply. “I guess I just didn’t realize how much I missed him.” “He seems happy, and his wife is really nice. Maybe you’ll at least keep up with each other on f*******: or something.” “That could be nice,” I said knowing that it wouldn’t happen. I was pretty sure he had deleted any social media accounts he had years ago to avoid cyber stalking me. I finish going through the twenty year RSVP list, and of course his name is nowhere to be found. I shrugged to myself and picked up my phone to text Ella. She was my other best friend coming in a close second for being as close to me as Ry was. Fortunately we’re even closer now than when we were in school. She’s also one of the band members, playing a little bit of everything: banjo, fiddle, keys, and of course backup and harmony vocals with me. Well, did you see your 20 yr invite on sss? Gawd, when did we get soooooo old?! Ugh, don’t I know it! We’re still playing right? No change there? Right, still playing. We need to get together and start picking out the songs for that night I guess. Good idea…want to tonight? No plans for me. Sounds great! Come over about 7:00? I’ll be there with wine! Good ole Ella, she always knows the way to my heart. I’m sure we’ll end up talking about Ry and the possibility of him coming. I’m honestly kind of hoping he doesn’t. With Johnathan having died suddenly in his sleep two months ago I’m not sure my heart could take seeing Ry even though I’ve been missing him acutely now more than ever. I’m sure he’s still married. Plus, we had our chance for like eight years and missed it. I know Fate can set up second chances, but I could never hope for Ry to have gone through something so painful just so I could have him. 7:00 rolls around as Ella pulls into my drive way and pops out with two bottles of our favorite red wine. Thank goodness it’s a Saturday and Lander, mine and Johnathan’s fourteen year old son, is spending the weekend camping with his grandmother. Anne, my late husband’s mother, is a widow herself so Lander tries to spend as much time with her as possible. I don’t know how it happened, but Johnathan and I have raised the best kid in the world. We became pregnant with him right after he proposed, so he was an oops baby, but he definitely completed our world. And now Lander and I were navigating in a whole new world that didn’t include his dad. So far, we were actually doing ok. I’m doing everything in my power to ensure that he doesn’t try to become the man of the house. He deserves his teenage years to be spent care free and happy like mine. Not to mention the entire village that’s helping me as well. Ella came in without knocking as usual. When you come to my house you’re to act like you are at home. Ella and I have been too close for too long for her to start asking for permission now. Hell, she’s Lander’s godmother…she’s family. “Alright, I figured a bottle each ought to be good. I’m sure certain topics will come up?” she asked with one eyebrow c****d up. “Oh I’m sure,” I replied with an epic eye roll. “Well, after we pick songs, let’s just get it over with and bring down the box…we can make another dent.” The box had been dropped at my house two weeks before by my mother. We started on our song list for the reunion. Most of the songs were either super popular within the past ten years, or big when we were in school. Ella and I both figured that everyone would be most engaged with us that way. Certain song titles we would pick would have me reminiscing. There were many days growing up that Ry and I would hang out in one of our back yards or in the downtown square…maybe even on one of the yards at school…and I would just play and sing while we enjoyed the sunshine. He would just look up at the clouds or sit and watch me attentively. I pretty much carried my guitar with me everywhere. When we celebrated our eighteenth birthdays the way we always would, together, he surprised me with a purple backpack case with my name embroidered on it in rainbow threads. It’s still the case I carry to this day. Once the song list was finished, Ella and I just sat there quietly staring at nothing. Ella is an amazing therapist, so she knows sometimes you just need a minute of nothing to start something difficult. Finally, without saying a word, I got up and padded my way down to my closet and grabbed the box. I set it down on the floor in front of where we were sitting and took my place back on my pillow. After spending yet another five minutes just staring at it like it would open on its own, I finally said f**k it and opened it up. Ok, time for round two with this bad boy.