Commencement

In the four years he’d known Dr. Levi McCrea, Andrew had never once been to his home. Not for lack of trying. Oh, no, Andrew would have cut off his left nut to get an invitation into the inner sanctum. But not even McCrea’s grad assistant had that privilege. Andrew knew that for a fact. It had taken a night plying him with beer and talking his friend Charlotte into sleeping with the jerk for Andrew to find out that particular road was a dead end. He knew the address, though. He’d hoarded it since his sophomore year at Berkeley. Dr. McCrea would probably s**t if he knew Andrew had had it that long. In spite of how much he loved to wind the professor up in class, he’d never had quite enough nerve to try a visit around his house. Until now. Tomorrow was graduation. After tomorrow, Andrew Parish would be a graduate from UC-Berkeley with High Honors in Political Science, and Levi McCrea would just be one of the professors that had helped him excel. Nobody could say it was inappropriate for Andrew to seek him out beyond the university’s campus. Especially the good Dr. McCrea. He might try other arguments, but they were going to have to be damn good ones to stop Andrew now. He stood on the doorstep of the modest bungalow and took a deep breath. He’d taken extra care with his appearance tonight, though in all honesty, he always took extra care when he knew he was going to see Levi. He wore low-riding jeans that highlighted his long legs and lean hips. His white shirt was open at the collar, the sleeves rolled up nearly to his elbow, exposing his tanned skin. A cut that morning had gotten rid of most of the blond tips in his hair, but enough remained to still give him the surfer look McCrea had razzed him about all year. When he’d checked the mirror before leaving, Andrew thought he looked good enough to pick up any guy he wanted. Too bad the one that drove him craziest refused to acknowledge the chemistry between them. That was Andrew’s goal for the night. He hadn’t spent the last four years taking every course Levi taught, picking every possible fight in class with him that he could find, to have him deny the spark they had now. The door opened before Andrew had the chance to ring the bell. Levi stood on the other side of the screen, a cup in one hand, a book in the other. His salt-and-pepper hair stood on end, as though he had spent most of the night running his fingers through it, and his hazel eyes were more brown than green in the fading June light. He always wore a tie and a jacket in class, but now he had on brown shorts and a blue Bruins T-shirt. “The party isn’t here tonight, Mr. Parish.” Andrew gave him a lazy smile. “That might be a matter of opinion.” Tilting his head, he deliberately swept his gaze downward, over the broad chest, along the flat stomach, lingering a few extra seconds on his hips before crawling back up again. The man might be close to forty, but he was more delicious than most men twenty years his junior. Every time Andrew saw him, he had to stifle the natural instinct to drop to his knees and dive for Levi’s c**k. “I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” “Just eating dinner and watching Nick at Nite. If I don’t invite you in, are you going to linger on my porch and disturb the peace?” “Now would I do something like that?” They both knew he would. Andrew had once instigated a strike on campus over budget cuts that had resulted in more than one poli-sci major getting arrested. He’d only escaped the same fate when Levi had stepped in and defended him. Yet another reason Andrew was convinced there was something more there than Levi let on. “You don’t have to feed me if you let me in. Well. Not dinner anyway.” Levi pushed the screen door open, allowing Andrew to enter. “I’m not going to feed you anything, but you can watch Cheers with me, if you want. I would ask you how you found my address, but I don’t think I want to know.” He held back his triumphant smile as he followed Levi into the cool house. One obstacle gone. The rest would be easy. The décor was bachelor chic with a side of absentminded professor. Books lined two of the four walls of the room Levi led him into, with a third dominated by a massive entertainment center. Widescreen television, DVD player, stereo, rows upon rows of CDs, with Bose speakers strategically placed in the various corners. Andrew whistled. “Nice set-up. No wonder you don’t want any of your students coming around. All you need is a game system, and you’d never get any of us to go.” Levi snorted. “That’s not why I don’t want any of my students coming around. Haven’t you figured out yet that I don’t like any of you people?” He gestured at the couch, indicating Andrew should sit down. “Plus, I suspected if I ever let you come around, you’d take that to mean you had an open invitation.” Andrew deliberately sat in the middle. “Nothing wrong with wanting some privacy. Personally, I’m very glad I don’t have to worry about you getting any more visitors tonight. It means I finally get you all to myself.” “You had me all to yourself every week when you monopolized my office hours,” Levi said, perching on the arm of the couch. “What else do you want?” “Oh, I can think of one or two things.” He crossed his legs, resting his ankle on his knee. “We can start with you saying yes to a date.” Levi laughed, though not unkindly. “With who? You? You know I was married, right? To a woman?” “And do you know how many married guys I know who wish they had the balls to just come out and admit they like other guys?” Andrew shrugged. “It just means you knew the truth all along.” “Knew what truth all along?” “That there’s nothing wrong in being gay. Or bi maybe. Though frankly, I’m leaning toward gay. You don’t have nearly the same spark with any of the girls in your classes that you do with me.” “What makes you think that’s a s****l spark? Maybe I respect you for your mind.” Andrew pretended to contemplate that possibility, then shook his head. “You wouldn’t have invited me in if you didn’t want me physically close. You would have asked me on the porch what I wanted, and if you really didn’t wonder what it would be like to bend me over your desk, you would have turned down my date offer and sent me on my way.” Levi tilted his head and studied Andrew for a long beat. “Or maybe I invited you in because I wanted a chance to say goodbye to my favorite pain in the neck.” “Goodbye? I’m graduating, I’m not dying. If anything, it’s finally a chance for us to throw the door open on a new beginning.” Levi took a swallow from his cup, and his knowing hazel eyes were still fixed on Andrew. He had the tendency to do that in class, too. He would just watch patiently until Andrew finally twigged on the answer or the concept Levi was trying to make him understand. “You’re going to law school and moving on with your life. Now is as good a time as any to say goodbye.” “Except law school’s just a jaunt down the road to Stanford.” He stretched his arm along the back of the couch, letting his fingertips graze over the elbow Levi leaned upon. “Did I tell you that it was your recommendation letter that got their attention? I’m not sure I would have gotten in without you.” Levi glanced down, his gaze falling briefly on Andrew’s fingers, before refocusing on his face. “That’s not true, Andy. You probably could have waltzed in to any law school in the country.” His throat tightened. Levi didn’t use his first name very often; nine times out of ten, it was Mr. Parish this, or Mr. Parish that. Every time Andrew heard it, the sound of it rolling in his smooth baritone made him sizzle. “Only because you pushed me.” In long, languid strokes, he let his fingers glide over Levi’s skin, never pushing too hard, always within easy control to retreat should Levi make noises about wanting him to back off. Each caress electrified his veins, until it felt like there wasn’t any piece of him not scorched by just that careful contact. “I’ve never known anyone like you before.” Levi allowed the contact to continue for a few more seconds before straightening, moving just out of Andrew’s reach. “Flattery isn’t going to get you anywhere. I’m not going to agree to a…” He shook his head, like he couldn’t quite believe what he was about to say. “A date. Or anything else.” “Why? What are you afraid of?” “I’m not afraid of anything, Mr. Parish. I just don’t want to go on a date with you. I don’t date students or former students.” Another man might have taken the refusal at face value. Andrew had spent four years falling in love with him. He wasn’t about to give up at the first sign of opposition. “So who do you date? What does the untouchable Levi McCrea do when he’s not inviting would-be suitors in for not-dinner?” “Suitors?” Levi’s mouth pulled into a smile. “Have you come here to woo me?” “If that’s what it takes to get you to say yes.” “I’m probably going to regret asking this, but I’m curious. How would you woo me into saying yes?” Andrew hid his excitement by rising slowly to his feet. There was always the chance that Levi might mock him afterward, but somehow, he didn’t think he would. Even at the worst of their debates, there’d been an undercurrent of respect. Levi would never have allowed it to progress this far, just to rip into him later. “Since you’ve already made it clear flattery doesn’t work, I’d have to show you a little of what you’d be missing.” He circled around until he stood behind Levi, glad when the man didn’t turn around. Leaning down, he breathed in the scent of his skin, taking as much time to exhale after. With his mouth at Levi’s ear, he said softly, “When was the last time you got to bury yourself in a wet, willing throat, Dr. McCrea?” Andrew didn’t miss the way Levi shivered. It was slight, barely anything at all, but unmistakable. “You’ve been accused of many things over the years, Andy, but never subtlety. Two weeks ago.” His gut clenched. That wasn’t the answer he’d expected, nor the one he wanted. “And was he good?” he said, maintaining his low tone. He’d gotten a reaction; he was going to hold onto that with all he had. “When you came, did he swallow every last drop? Or did you pull out so that you shot on his face? Personally, I like it both ways.” He let the tip of his tongue just barely flick over the outer curve of Levi’s ear. “There’s something to be said about a guy marking you as his. Then again, nothing feels as good as a hot, thick c**k throbbing in my mouth. Well. Unless it’s in my ass.” Levi ducked his head, moving out of the reach of Andrew’s tongue, but he didn’t stand up or put any real space between them. “She was just fine. And I think you need to add a little bit of finesse to your technique. Or maybe a touch of mystery.” He looked over his shoulder now. “Why are you here anyway, Andy? You could have gone out to one of the hundreds of parties and gotten laid.” Andrew smiled. “Mystery? I’ve been trying to get your attention for four years now. Mystery got me squat.” But he did move away a little, as much as he didn’t want to. “The fact that I came here instead of any of the parties should tell you I’m not looking to get laid. But you turned down my offer of something else, remember?” Levi stood and rubbed the back of his neck. He seemed more rattled by Andrew’s honesty than his earlier explicit language. “Who says you never got my attention? And what are you after? Dinner and then getting laid?” “Company,” he said without pause. “I wasn’t blowing smoke when I said I’ve never known anyone like you.” “You’re too young for me.” Another roadblock he’d considered. Except using that as an argument meant… “Well, at least we’re over the ‘I’m a guy’ thing.” “You’re a guy and you’re too young for me. When you’re a thirty-five year old woman with a nice rack, we can have this conversation again.” Andrew shook his head. “That would’ve been a lot more believable if you’d pushed me away earlier.” He ventured a step closer, though he didn’t try to touch him again. “Is it really so hard to admit being attracted to me?” “Yes. Because for the past four years, if I admitted being attracted to you on any level, my professional reputation would have been at stake. You can’t be anything to me except a student, and a friend.” “You don’t have to admit it to anyone outside this room.” Another step. This time Andrew smiled softly. “And after tomorrow, I’m no longer your student.” “Then maybe you should try to have this conversation again after tomorrow.” Everything in the room tunneled down to Levi. It was more than the intelligent warmth in his eyes, or the small laugh lines that Andrew wanted to kiss, or the broad sweep of his shoulders. It was an ounce of hope that there was a chance something real could blossom there. Andrew had always believed it could, but he wasn’t so blind not to know Levi would fight it as long as possible. “So…” A third step brought them abreast again, and he glanced down to see Levi’s hands fidgeting at his sides. “If I come back tomorrow after graduation, and I asked you again to go out with me, you’ll say yes?” “If you come back tomorrow night, I might consider having dinner or a drink with you.” Andrew quelled the rush of triumph through his veins. “See, I kind of suspected you’d stick to your guns on the student issue.” It was too tempting to resist any more. He lifted his hand to lightly touch Levi’s mouth. “But I got impatient. It feels like I’ve already been waiting forever for what I want.” Levi caught his wrist, but didn’t pull him away. “Forever? Four years is not forever.” “I only said it felt like that. When something’s important to you, and you can’t have it, it doesn’t matter if it’s four days, four years, or four decades. You know what that feels like, don’t you?” He lowered his voice and leaned close enough to feel the other man’s breath across his skin. “There’s nothing worse than having what you want right within reach, within touching distance, and not being able to have it.” Levi’s nostrils flared as he exhaled, and he tilted his head until their mouths almost touched. Andrew automatically braced himself for the kiss that didn’t happen. “And you think you’re what I want?” “I think if you didn’t, you never would have let me walk through your front door.” “I told you. I let you come in so we could say our farewells and part ways.” “And maybe if you say that enough, you’ll eventually believe it. Because I sure as hell don’t.” He couldn’t hold back any longer. The proximity to Levi made his head spin and his skin tingle. Without waiting for another rebuttal, Andrew closed the last few inches and sealed their mouths together in a long, slow, searching kiss. Levi could have easily pushed Andrew away—the only points of contact between them were their mouths and where Levi held Andrew’s wrist. But Levi didn’t push him away. He opened to the caress, allowing Andrew to taste the faint sweetness of cola on his breath, and test the heat of his skin, and search the corners of his mouth. Levi’s stubble scraped against his chin, and his mouth was firm but not domineering. The kiss unfolded between them gradually, neither of them in any sort of hurry to end it. Fantasizing about kissing Levi had filled many of Andrew’s hours. The script always varied; sometimes it happened in Levi’s office, others in an empty lecture hall. Once Andrew had imagined the two of them stretched out on a blanket in the park, a flawless sky above, a brilliant sun warming their skin. He wouldn’t—couldn’t—have thought their first kiss would come with Carla mocking Diane in the background, but right then, right there, he wouldn’t have changed a single detail. It was too perfect. He didn’t push for more contact. In spite of his ribald descriptions earlier, he was grateful just for this. Moving things to a more physical level would be great, of course, if that was all he was interested in. But he’d been honest with Levi. s*x was easy enough to get somewhere else. He wanted more. The kiss ended far too soon, and not because of Andrew. Levi lifted his head, and took a step back, moving out of touching distance. “You’re better at that than I expected.” Andrew swept his tongue over his lower lip, noting how Levi watched him. “You’re not. I knew kissing you would be amazing.” “I think you should probably go before you’re tempted to do that a second time.” “I’m not sorry. Are you?” Levi’s mouth set in a thin line that wasn’t quite a frown. “You know, the very first time you strolled into my classroom, acting like you owned the place even though you had no business being there as a freshman, I knew I’d eventually be sorry if I let you stay. It hasn’t happened yet.” Warmth suffused his flesh. His gamble had paid off, and even better, he knew for certain now that Levi didn’t see him just as some annoying kid. There was potential for everything he had wanted. As long as he played it smart. “That’s all I ask for,” he said with a smile. “At least, until I come back after graduation. Then, well…we’ll see.” “Yeah, I suppose we will.” Levi smiled a little. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning. Don’t forget that you need to be there to line up by eight.” Andrew retreated for the front door, aware of every step Levi took behind him. When he reached the porch, he paused and glanced back. “I suppose asking for a goodbye kiss would be pushing my luck,” he teased. Levi stepped forward and took Andrew by the shoulder. He brushed his lips over Andrew’s forehead—a soft, deliberate caress. “There’s your goodbye kiss.” He breathed in Levi’s clean scent one more time before breaking the contact. With a wave he prayed didn’t betray the tremor in his fingers, he headed back to his car. “See you tomorrow.” And if he had any luck at all, every day after that.