The Love Thirst

Kabanata 15 : Last or Lust

Walang pag-aalinlangan si Gio na sinabing. . .

"No!" Just a simple No from Gio means a lot to Lara.

So wala nga talaga, wala siyang nararamdaman para sa'kin. Kasi ako, sa totoo lang, unti-unti ng nahuhulog sa kaniya. Ewan ko kung bakit siya pa? Kung bakit siya pa yung ginusto ko? Pinilit ko naman itago na lang o balewalain yung feelings ko eh, kaso, kusa talagang kumakawala!

Sa sinabi ni Gio, mukha namang satisfied si Noah kaya itinigil na namin ang laro.

Kalauna'y, nagpaalam na rin kami kay King.

It was a rainy evening. Lagi naman, sa tuwing mag-iinom kami kina King, lagi na kami inaabot ng ulan. Much better na rin dahil I need some hard wind na sasampal sa'ken. I need to re-think again lahat ng ginawa kong desisyon sa buhay.

Noah offered me a ride but I refused. Nag-alibi na lang ako na may dadaanan pa ako sa way ni Gio. But the truth is, I want to be with him. I want his hug again, his kiss on my forehead and his arms to warm me in this frosty night.

Then, Gio start driving. He is very quiet now. Although,hindi naman talaga siya gaano nagsasalita kapag magkasama kami pero iba yung silence ngayon. Kung kaya't rinig na rinig ang bawat patak ng ulan. He suddenly stopped the car sa isang dead-end street. Walang ibang tao o sasakyan kundi sa'min lang. Then he looked at me, trying to ask or speak something pero parang may naghoholdback sa kaniya. So he just kissed me and forget everything happened earlier. I just kissed back like wala naman talaga akong magagawa. His kiss is my weakness. But Noah's smile is my strength. I just want to free my mind tonight from those stuffs, because what I want to do right now, is to make love with him. We share again our lust and warm bodies. Hindi pa nakuntento, we went at the backseat so it could be spaceous for us. We are all the way naked. Dahil tinted naman ang sasakyan niya, walang makakakita sa ginagawa namin. He kissed me down to my neck, until he reach my private part. That was my favorite. He never failed to make me satisfied. He is good at it! My both legs are wide open habang nakapatong sa aking kinauupuan while Gio is busy eating mine. Then after that, bumalik siya pataas sa'kin habang pinapalibot niya ang kaniyang dila sa aking katawan. Siya lang! Tanging siya lang ang nakagawa sa'ken non! Sa kaniya ko lang pinagkatiwala ang lahat! Then I automatically went up on his lap. I kissed him na para bang sabik na sabik. I do the same. I roll my tongue down to his stomach until I reach his private part. I knelt on his front and started to play and suck his 7 inches...I think?...I do it continuosly habang nakapatong ang kamay niya sa aking ulo. I know he likes what I'm doing I feel it through the noise he is making. Now I'm done, he grabbed my back quickly and we do it in a dog style position. Kasabay ng malakas na ulan ang ingay na aming nililikha. Sobrang galing ni Gio. Wala talagang makakapantay! Kuntento na sana ako sa kaniya! Kaso...hindi pwedeng ganitong lang ang set-up namin.

Samantala, finally we are done. After we take on all our clothes,we came back to our seats. His phone rings again.

"Oh y-yes babe? I'm coming okay! Give me a few minutes, I'll be there!" Sabi niya sa kausap.

Okay! Her turn naman kung sino man siya. Ang dami kong kahati sa kaniya. Ni wala nga ako karapatang magselos! Ultimo tawagan wala kami!

Afterwards, he drive me home na.

Then we finally here, sa harap ng bahay namin.

Now, siguro,kailangan ko na lakasan ang loob ko. Ayoko na magpatalo sa nararamdaman ko! Ano'ng malay natin na gusto rin pala niya ako. Na nahihiya lang siya magfirst move. So I will take this chance. I will try to confess my feelings with him.

"Ahm, Gio?"mahina kong sabi."C-can we talk for a while?" Seryoso kong tanong sa kaniya.

"Okay! About what?" Sagot niya.

"Ahm, w-what if? Eto what if lang 'to ha! Alam ko may napagusapan na tayo okay! Basta what if lang talaga!"paulit-ulit kong sabi na talagang lalamunin na ako sa kaba.

"Ano nga yon?" Ulit na tanong niya.

"W-what if? Ma-fall ako sa'yo? What if lang ha!" Utal kong sabi sa kaniya habang nakatingin sa kaniyang mga mata.

Pero sadyang kada salita na lalabas sa kaniyang bibig, maikli man o mahaba, ay talagang may laman at masakit.

"We can't be!" Straight to the point niyang sagot.

Bigla ako natameme. Yung luha ko unti-unti na nagpapakita. Gusto na kumawala. Pero hindi pwede! Kailangan ko baliin yung moment! Kasi sabi ko what if lang naman eh! Pero bakit ang sakit?

Para matabunan yung sinabi ko kanina, I asked him again another question.

"Yeah I know! Kaya nga what if lang eh! Ahm so ito. What if again, na may manligaw sa'ken? Would you allow me?" Tanong ko ulit sa kaniya.

"You know Lara, I think that's decision is all up to you na! You can not like or love anyone at the same time! If that's what you want, who am I para pigilan ka?" Seryoso niyang sagot sa akin.

Sa sinabi niyang yun, bigla ako natauhan. Siguro tama nga siya. Nasa akin ang desisyon. Siguro this time, kailangan ko namang bigyan ng worth and respect ang sarili ko. Gusto ko rin naman ma-feel yung maging special para sa iba. Not only in bed but everyday! I want to feel to be loved by others that I never felt on my own family.

"I think you're right Gio! Siguro this time, I need to give my self a reward. And that is self-love and respect! And I also want to open my heart na! Like, in a serious relationship that you couldn't give! Ano pa nga ba ieexpect ko eh s*x-buddy lang tayo di'ba?So... I want to give Noah a chance! At kagaya ng sinabi mo, I can't like or love same guy at the same time. So, now I think...we need to stop this now! J-just to give Noah the respect that he deserves!" Tila hindi ko na kakayanin pang pigilan pa ang aking luha.

We looked at each other's eyes. We see the same reflection of pain, thirst of love and sadness. We see the same things, same failures, rejections and emptiness.

This may be the last time that we make love out of the knowledge of others.

Now,I am free! Free from confusion and thirst! And am ready to give my heart a chance to recharge,rebuild and regain real love from Noah.

Am i really ready??