Lucifers Lost Angel

Chapter Three | Kill Them With Kindness

25th May 1769, 

The most intrigued once again. I am being banished soon; I know that after God has kicked me away from heaven. In heaven we are wrapped in God's perfect love. We are whole, we are healthy and we are together with those we love. But in reality, it is all fake. I decided it was time, it was time to talk to the woman whom I have fallen for. 

I would not lie, but I am scared. Scared of the rejection, what if I was not up to her standards? The questions I ask myself day and night. Because I needed her, from her beautiful smile, to her body. I adored every bit of her, I knew that one day she would not love me the same. I barely knew her. 

But however, she was beautiful. So very beautiful. And innocent. So innocent. I see her in the library sometimes, a book always in her hands as she sits on the floor. Her eyes brightening, I could not even focus on my own studies.  

But then, she laughed, god her laugh sounds like a melody.  A wanted melody. As if it hit the right notes into my ears.  

I smiled to myself, as I continued reading. I wanted to help him, help him out of hell and into heaven where he belongs. I knew that if I turn him back into an Angel, if I gave him the help he needed. It would be best on both sides. He deserves nothing but the best. He seems like a sweet, innocent and handsome man. How come I have never met him?  

I decided to play a game with myself, trying to guess how he looks like. Red skin. Blonde hair and red eyes. That is what I thought, but then an idea came to my mind. What if I went to hell? What if I tried to find a way? I raised my hand up out of the ordinary, the teacher nods her head asking me to speak. "Is there a way to hell?" I asked. 

Her eyes widened as she began thinking, "there are ways, many but us Angels do not take that route." She mutters. 

"Why not?" 

"Because if you stay in hell for longer than a month, your wings would burn or Lucifer would never let you leave. Someone tried going, but ended up failing. She never came back up. So that is why, nobody has ever visited the underground because Lucifer hates angels." My teacher explained Kindly. I nodded my head as I turned back to the diary. I needed to find a way, any way to get to hell. I can show him that not all angels are as bad as he thinks them to be.  

The minute the bell rang, I shot out my seat and rushed down the library. I push the door open, before taking notice of the librarian. "Excuse me!" I shouted, her head snaps in my direction as she held her finger to her lips and shushed me. She stumbles towards me, her legs scurrying faster than her body before she uses her wings. 

"No shouting in the library!" She exclaimed; I held my book tighter to my chest.  

"I do apologise, but do you have any books that gives you directions to hell?" She gave me a surprised look, before looking me up and down. Nodding her head, I follow behind her. The old library has a few tall walls of ancient volumes, though mostly they are now a sort of decoration to set the scene. One simply logs in through one's device and either reads of listens to one of thousands of titles, including scientific research papers. 

 We can do this at home too, naturally, yet the library is a great place to study and learn around peers and make new connections. She pushes a door open that reveals a dark room, she pulls the light open which then showed of the room. "Alright, enjoy." She whispers leaving. 

The bookcase with inky treasures adorned the quiet room, quiet in that sense of easy solitude and in the sense of gentle seaside hues, soft blues, greys and browns. The wood of the bookcase looked for all the world as if it had washed up on a beach someday, as if was once a part of a mighty sailing ship. Yet now it sits in its forever harbour, in that soulful bay that is the corner of this room.  

My hands glide across all the dusty books, before slipping one out that read. Gateways to Hell. I stacked it up with other books before turning to the small desk in the room. Sitting down, I open the first book and begin reading thoroughly.  

It has been nearly two entire hours, two entire hours of reading this. And I was intrigued. The sentences I was picking up were scarier than I maybe have thought of.  

'Burned wings' 

'Lucifers eyes' 

'Fear of Devil' 

It turns out to get to hell, I need my wings. Which I still have not checked on. I have not revealed the truth behind them and I do not think I want to. It is probably going to be blue like my mothers, or light pink like my grandmothers. I slam the book shut; it has given me no information at all. None! I decided after a long day it was time to go home. The moment I pulled open the door, it would not budge. I banged on it only to hear snickers from the other side. "Open the door!" 

"Ha-ha, no don't say anything!" I hear a whisper, I felt myself sweating in this small area as I tried pushing the door open.  

"Please, open the door! I cannot breathe." I banged onto the door loudly, over and over again. I felt claustrophobic. My hands grab onto the handle of the door as I slowly untie my shirt allowing air to breathe in.  

"Okay, that is enough, let her out now Michelle." 

"No, she annoys me, it is only a mini prank." 

"Open the door, I cannot breathe. Please." I took in deep inhales of breath before the door opens wide, I shot out of the room and into the open library crashing at the foot of. Michelle. The most talented Angel in our academic year. She was every beautiful, her blond hair and green eyes. 

"Oops, sorry darling, I did forget you were in there." I slowly stood up.  

"It is okay, mistakes happen, I probably should have been more careful. Sometimes I can get so clumsy and fall by myself so there is honestly no reason to apologise and well it is nice to have someone speak to me other than a teacher or my mother-" I said, wiping my clothes back down. Noticing that I have rambled on a bit too much, she rolls her eyes. 

"Augh, you're too nice!" 

"And she talks too much." 

"And formally."  

"And she has no wings, she is wingless. You are not and will never be a real Angel." Michelle stomped away; I pushed a hair behind my ears. Noticing the books that fell all over the floor. I slowly picked it up, stacking them in my arms. I felt the tears nearly falling from my eyes as I wiped them away having no reason to cry. No reason at all.  

I rushed all the way home, slamming the door behind me. "Darling, is everything okay?" I hear my mother say, I stormed to my room making sure I locked the door before I stood in front of the mirror. I slowly ripped of my dress from my body and turned around. Only to see my wings still haven't formed yet. I do not understand why! 

I grab my bottle of water and hit it against the wall, I then grab lucifers diary and throw it hard against the floor tumbling into my bed. I grab the covers and throw them over my naked self as I feel the tears leaving my eyes. I wipe them away, every soft drop that fell illuminates everything else.  

That is not until I slowly daze into my sleep, imagining every bad and good thing. trying to withhold the presence of anything and everyone. Why was I not as beautiful as them? I wanted blonde hair, I wanted someone to speak of me like Lucifer did to that girl. I wanted someone close to me.