Prologue
Cancer.
One word.
Two syllables.
Six letters.
It seemed so small, so simple, yet it was enough to turn the world upside down.
It had to be a mistake, a joke.
Zoe sat on the sofa looking for any indication that what her mother said wasn’t real. There had to be a punchline. Right?
Her mother sat across from her completely composed and calm, as if she hadn’t just dropped a bomb in the middle of their family living room. It felt wrong. How could anyone say something of this magnitude with such an expression?
Zoe’s gaze shifted to her father. Surely, if there was anyone who could right this mistake, it was him. She wanted him to smile and say just kidding, anything really, but he seemed at a total loss for words.
Lucas was a tall, lean man. When she was little, she thought he was a giant. He would never let anything harm them. His brown hair was light and curly, almost like an afro. Zoe knew he hated it, but she shared her mother’s opinion and loved it. It softened him, smoothed his otherwise harsh features.
But his expression now was one of profound terror.
Zoe knew that her parents’ marriage had been rocky in the beginning before she was born, but she remembered only their current loving, devoted relationship. Lucas practically worshiped the ground Sarah walked on. He had read every one of her books and attended her book signings. He was always on hand to run any errands she needed to be done during such events, passing out brochures and promotional materials. After everything they had been through, surely the universe wouldn’t do this, not now.
He was always so strong, so sure, but now he looked like a hollow shell. Lucas’s hand clutched Sarah’s like it was his last lifeline. He sat with his head hung low, almost like he was praying. His shoulders slumped in defeat. It seemed he had finally met his match.
The giant killer was cancer.
Zoe looked at her brother sitting next to her. Surely, he had the answer. Outwardly, he looked like their father, including his curly hair, which was blonde like their mother’s. Despite the fact he was only sixteen, he had a calm disposition and was a quick thinker. Their father said he had a good mind for business, and he was eager to learn more about it. It was almost guaranteed that he would one day succeed their father as the company’s CEO. Certainly, Skyler had the answer.
But now, he looked pale and confused. Maybe he was in shock. Zoe counted silently in her head, waiting for her brother to snap out of it and come up with a plan that would set everything right again. He was good at that sort of thing.
“…So,” Skyler hesitated, “it is treatable, right?”
“Yes,” Sarah let out a slow breath. “I’ll have a double mastectomy and, after that, chemotherapy. My doctors are confident that they can treat it successfully.”
“Mastectomy?” Skyler repeated the unfamiliar word. “What’s that?”
“They are going to remove her breasts,” Zoe practically shouted. She was shaking and couldn’t control the volume of her voice. Why was everyone so calm about this?
“Remove them?” Skyler asked. “Like, everything?”
“Gone,” Zoe confirmed.
“And that is necessary?” Skyler asked.
“It’s the best option,” Sarah explained. “I can get implants later to reconstruct them. Right, Luke?”
Lucas finally stirred. Tears made his eyes glassy and strange. His voice was soft, “Whatever you want. Anything you need—as long as you stay…”
Sarah smiled, but there were tears in her eyes now as well. With a shudder, Lucas leaned close, burying his face in her neck as he struggled to control the panic creeping through him. He couldn’t’ lose her. He refused.
“Stay with me forever,” he whispered.
Skyler’s expression softened as it always did when he saw their parents together. They were always so sweet with each other. Normally, it would make Zoe’s heart melt too.
But not now, not tonight.
Her mother hadn’t said the most important part yet. Even if she went through with the surgery, through the chemo treatment, even if the cancer went into remission…it could always come back. That was the real killer. It would never be over. It would always be there like a specter in the shadows, the boogieman under the bed, waiting.
It would always be there, the elephant in the room. They would never truly beat it. Nothing would ever go back to normal. She couldn’t pretend otherwise.
Without a word, Zoe stood and walked to the door. She needed air, a moment alone. Stepping out into the night, she took a deep breath of the chill air. With it came the pungent odor of animals.
This wasn’t the city villa. Their parents had asked them out to the Vermont estate to deliver the news. This place was their sanctuary from the world. It had grown over the years from a handful of chickens and goats to become so much more.
They now had an alpaca, three cows, five horses and over twenty chickens. Her mother’s horse was almost twenty-six now and Zoe’s old pony reigned as king of the barnyard. She had stopped trying to count how many stray cats decided to make the farm their home, and they had three dogs, though Daisy had passed away several years ago. No less than three rescue facilities were on a first-name basis with their family.
Zoe and Skyler had practically been born riding. They had enjoyed going on trail rides with their mother. Their father had even taken riding lessons because he hated to be left out. The farm was always a safe place. It was a place where they could escape from the world for a little while, but now the world had followed them home.
She stepped off the porch and stopped. Her breaths came in short, shallow bursts. Turning her face to the night sky, she screamed until her chest ached. When she reached her limit, she fell silent and stood gasping.
It wasn’t enough. There was no escaping the news that still clung to her. As soon as she walked back into the house, it would be there. Even if she went up to her room and buried her head under the covers in the morning, it would still be there. It would cling to everything like a bad smell.
There was no escape, unless…
She could just leave.
She could get in her vehicle and drive.
She could pretend that everything was normal, that her world hadn’t just come crashing down around her. Why not?
Isn’t that exactly what her mother did when her marriage imploded?
Why not just push pause and walk away?
Zoe wasn’t sure when she started moving again. She barely registered climbing into her Jeep Compass and inserted the key into the ignition. In fact, she wasn’t even sure where the key had come from. Numbly, she shifted the vehicle into reverse.
“Zoe?” Lucas called as he stepped onto the porch to check on her. “Zoe! Where are you going? Zoe!”
She didn’t answer and she didn’t look back. Instead, she just drove away and disappeared into the night.
The end.
