Watercolor Girl

Who are you?

Lev

“Get your skinny butt down here or I’ll come up there and make things incredibly awkward for you, I’m sure.”

Ravyn. She was hot headed and I didn’t really want her up here. But I was curious what the rumors were, obviously they were already circulating.

“Be down in a minute.”

I released my grip on my mate, and told her I had to leave for a few minutes. She shook her head when I asked if she needed anything while I was out. I feel like I haven’t eaten in days, I’d have to remedy that. She watched me get dressed, her eyes following my body as I retrieved the various articles of my clothes she’d scattered about the floor. I leaned down to kiss the top of her head, she felt distant.

“Do you want me to bring you up some food? When was the last time you’ve eaten?”

She shook her head.

“No thank you. Maybe just a coffee?”

“You can’t survive on coffee, fierce one.” I kissed her again before moving toward the door, feeling immediately lonely even before I was out and hopping down the stairs, two at a time. I needed to eat. And I needed to quiet Ravyn. I found my mate, and despite the lack of romance or intimacy that had never existed between us, I felt a storm brewing around her.

Ravyn

I had known Lev since we were kids. His family had never acknowledged his existence, the world revolved around his brother, the next beta, the golden pup. And look how that turned out. Lev was forced into an impossible position he never wanted and wasn’t comfortable filling, but he wasn’t one to stand up for his own feelings so it became what it is. At 20, I hadn’t found my mate, Lev was just a few months younger, at 19, and we were 2 of just a handful of unmated adults in the pack. Unmated adults who had never had mates. There were a few who had lost mates, or who had rejected or been rejected, but the number of wolves who simply hadn’t found them was minuscule. We spent a lot of time together being ‘those wolves’. It had never progressed past friendship but it wasn’t for lack of wanting on my part. Lev didn’t have any interest in dating, he said it was pointless before mating age, and after he had been ushered into this world of constant training, following the alpha around, being his b***h, and learning beta tasks. Initially he struggled with it, and he came to me often to vent, or to ask if I wanted to accompany him running his wolf, and I always made time. In some hidden corner of my mind I suppose I’d hoped he’d get tired of waiting for his mate. I had stopped waiting before even mating age. I could smell him before he rounded the corner into the community room where I was sitting, where I always waited for him. One of the warriors stopped him before he could get to me and congratulated him on officially accepting the beta title. Lev, smiled slightly and thanked him before continuing on towards me, and dropping his long body into the chair across from me, rather then next to me where he would generally sit.

“Ravyn. You’re looking broody today.”

“Lev, you’re looking your usual, every witch’s wet dream.”

He always wore black, black jeans, black t shirts, black boots. His hair was jet black, and his features were pale. He really is the epitome of a goth girl’s dream. He laughed, and made a face like my comment had hurt him, covering his heart with his hand.

“I’m starving Ray, gimme a minute to grab something to eat.” I watched him hop up, and exit the common area, he moved like water, fluid, an unexpected grace for such a big wolf. He had grown so much since starting his beta training. He had always been a lanky thin wolf who barely filled out a t shirt, I thought he was handsome then, but he was drop dead gorgeous now, filled out and muscular, but not the type of muscular where his neck was bigger than his head. It felt like an hour when he wandered back in, carrying 2 salads, the good ones, with fruit and nuts and some weird but delicious pink dressing, he slid me one.

“Well aren’t you kind, feeding the starving.”

“You’re welcome to eat whenever you want the kitchen is there for all.” He shoveled greens into his mouth, barely chewing before swallowing and shoveling more in. I picked at mine, eating the fruit first before picking at the leafy greens.

“So, you gonna tell me about her? Because seriously, you reeked of she wolf when you came in the other day.” I made my annoyance known. His eyes met mine, guarded.

“Yeah I was with a she wolf. I’m not sure why you’re so concerned.” I did my best not to physically betray my disappointment. I had never really told him my feelings, and it had never been more, but I really hoped it would. And now he’s found someone else to occupy his time.

“I heard you brought someone in earlier today. Rumor has it you went out and found the smallest wolf in a 100 mile radius. Where did you pick this one up.” His face twitched a bit and he chewed the greens he’d just shoved into his face a bit slower.

“She’s from this pack. I didn’t go searching.”

“Well who the heck is she.”

“Why are you so concerned.” I pushed my salad towards him. Normally he’d dump it on top of his and m******e it as he’d done his own. But this time, he picked it up and disposed of the left over contents before venturing back towards the kitchen to return their plates.

“Can we go for a run?” I asked him.

“I can’t. I have things to do.”

“What about tonight, you’re not on patrol tonight.”

“I can’t, Ray, what is this about?”

“Can you at least come for a walk with me.” I heard him sigh and when I looked up he was standing in the doorway rolling his eyes. He nodded for me to follow, and I hopped up, following him to the door and out into the dimming daylight.

“What is going on? Why are you being so pushy? Why do you seem so mad.”

“Don’t act stupid when we both know you’re not.”

“We never had anything between us, Rayvn. You never made it seem like you had any interest in me. You’ve dated and done your thing.”

“I thought you needed to come to me on your own terms I wasn’t trying to push myself into your bed.” He looked at me, and there was true surprise in his wide eyes. “I’ve wanted to be with you for years. And you’ve completely ignored me that way.” Hurt and anger rising in my voice.

“I didn’t know. I thought we were friends. I wanted to wait for my mate.” He spoke quietly and gently. I knew he wanted to wait for his mate, but at what point do you let go of it when you have a perfectly good she wolf who’s entirely smitten with you standing right in front of you!?

“And did you find her?! Or did you just find someone else to satiate the burning, Lev?” He stopped and looked at me, his eyes were soft and I genuinely believe he’s been painfully oblivious to my feelings for years. He looks like a shamed child, his hands in his pockets, his eyes on the ground avoiding my hard glare. I couldn’t stop myself in that instant and I reached for him and pulled his face to mine. He winced and pulled back away from my touch.

“Anyone but me? Huh?”

“I found her.” And it was my turn to be shocked. To be speechless. “I found my mate.”

“WHO?” I was angry. I was angry that it wasn’t me. I was angry he had found her. It was irrational, I should have been happy for him. But I wasn’t. He turned and kept walking. I followed. “LEV, WHO?!”

“Evangeline.”

“YOUR MATE IS THE SHE WOLF YOUR BROTHER F****D?!” I made the statement as painful as I could for him. I immediately regretted it when rage flashed in his eyes. He didn’t warrant it with a response. He simply turned and walked away, and all I could do was watch him. Beautiful in the dark light of the sunset.

Lev

And that was done, rage seething through me. My brother took her. She gave nothing. I had never realized Rayvn felt as she did, I never had in all the years I’d known her. Maybe I’m a jerk for that but I’m not for finding my mate. I stomped in and back to the kitchen, gathering an array of fruits and snacks before pouring a coffee and going back upstairs to my mate. I had things to learn about her and I regretted the waste of time I’d just endured.

When I walked in Evangeline was sitting in the only chair in the living room staring at the black screen on the TV. I handed her the coffee and a pear. Her eyes were red but nothing alluded to her have been crying. She looked at me.

“Thank you.” Her voice was small as she sniffed at the potent black substance in her cup.

“She kissed you.” She didn’t look away from her coffee, she just sipped it, blowing gently to cool it. “I could feel it.” She took a massive sip and I imagine it burned her mouth. She took the pear to the sink and rinsed it. Saying nothing more and acknowledging me not at all.

“I didn’t know she felt that way…” I stuttered it out stupid, it sounded stupid. I had to learn how the mate bond worked, I know I can feel her panic and emotions but I didn’t know she’d feel it when someone else touched me. I think of all the times Dargan has dropped me in her ridiculous need to prove her athleticism and skills. Ciaran never flinched or reacted, could he feel it?

“I don’t care.” There’s a coldness to her voice, and I’m sure she does care. “I understand”.

“There’s nothing to understand, it was never like that. She found out I had been with a she wolf and thought I was, looking to, maybe, get over the concept of finding my mate.”

“Do you want to?” I knew what she meant

“Goddess no!! You’re mine, you were made for me. What could I possibly want in anyone else that I don’t have in you?”

“Pups?”

The timing of it clicked in my head. I had left right after she told me she couldn’t have pups, and then she felt what she felt. Sitting here in my rather empty wing. I scooped her up into my arms. Her legs wrapping around me her arms around my neck and I look in her deep eyes.

“I don’t want pups. I never have. You were made for me, and I for you. If we can’t have pups, all the more time for me to focus on my beautiful, perfect mate.” I kissed her, she tasted like coffee. I sat her on the counter.

“Tell me more about you,” I said between the kisses I was planting on her face and neck, “I’m ravenous to know all of you.”

“There is nothing interesting to know. Tell me about you.”

“Tell you what? What do you want to know?”

“Where did your scars come from?” I paused, I didn’t really like to talk about them. She slipped her hand into my shirt and ran her fingers on the one on my chest.

“My brother.” She didn’t ask for anything more. But I continued. “He didn’t appreciate that the beta title would just be given to me. Before he was stripped of his pack rights and made a rogue, he got his hands on some wolfsbane. It strips wolves of their strengths and powers. I couldn’t heal, I couldn’t shift, and I certainly wasn’t stronger then him anyway. Where he cut me scarred because of the wolfsbane.”

“I think they’re beautiful, and I could find you if I were blind by touch alone.”

“Where did you get your tattoos?” I slid the strap of her tank top down and kissed her inky shoulder.

“When I first moved outside of the pack I used to wander far outside of our territory. I didn’t venture into the human towns ever but explored their outskirts. There is a lady out there who runs a shop from her house, the buzzing always intrigued me, so one day I went in. She doesn’t deal in cash currency completely she’ll draw for you in trade. So I would hunt and trade food for art. She is always incredibly impressed by my healing process.” She grinned. Wolves heal much faster then humans. I traced along the black lines that formed words or pictures on her skin. I ran my hand over the picture etched into her thigh as she sat in soft little black shorts I’d never let her leave the wing in. I lifted her leg to inspect the colors on her calf.

“What is this?” It was a portrait of sorts of a woman, a very withered and weak looking woman with shadowed ribs poking out of the white billowy tunic wrapped around her body. She had long dark hair, in one hand she held an uneven scale, blood covered her hand, and dripped down onto the lower side of the scale. In the other bloody hand she held a sword that crossed along the front of her body in what looked to be defensive posturing. Across her eyes was a yellowed and dirty looking blindfold. I hadn’t seen anything like it before. A blind warrior? A female warrior?

“It’s from the human world. Rea, the artist, calls her Lady Justice. She said justice should be equal for all, but it rarely is and the Lady’s hands are stained with the blood of the innocent. I liked the story. Maybe our worlds are similar in more ways then we know.” SHe rubs her hand over the portrait, resting her heel on my shoulder, I kiss the inside of her calf before she drops her leg back down.

“I think it’s beautiful.” I continue to inspect each part of her body, on her thigh is a massive circular scene done in blacks and grays and whites of a wolf howling at the moon. It looks old, like a picture you find in an old cameo. It’s darker though, gothic almost in its design the boarder of it is meant to look like an old wrought iron fence. Her stomach is bare, on her chest is another large depiction of the silhouette of a wolf behind the portrait of a woman. Another warrior? But a warrior of old, from the native wolves who painted their faces and mastered the art of camouflage and speaking to the earth through dance. It is mostly black with only the war paint holding any color, which is of course red. The resemblance to my mate is undeniable. “What is this one.”

“Rea drew me as she sees me. She said I’m a forest spirit that doesn’t really exist, that all of us as ancestors from the original people here are. She said I could pass for one of them in any of the pictures she’s seen. That the wolves around here are larger then any she’s ever heard of or seen before, so we must have a connection to them as protectors. She doesn’t seem to believe in werewolves, but thinks that the magic that existed in these territories still exists, if you take the time to look for it.” That portrait sits right below her mark, almost as if it was placed strategically. Her arm is covered from shoulder to wrist. Vines and trees, flowers, a woman turning into a tree, with a male wrapped around the base of her trunk, where her ankles would be if she was still entirely a woman.

“What does this one mean?” She holds her arm up, glancing at the one I’m touching.

“It’s from a myth from the human world. It depicts a scene between Apollo and Daphne. Apollo is a god in their books. He falls in love with a nymph, who begs for aid in escaping Apollo’s advances. In response she is turned into a tree, tall and beautiful, and safe.” Her voice is sad as she explains it. No one saved her, maybe it’s an ode to what she could have been if she had been. I don’t ask any more and she offers nothing further. On her lower back is a Latin phrase. Wolves are taught Latin in school and I smirk and trace the think bold letters places just above the curve of her bottom.

“Carpe Noctem, little warrior?” She rolls her eyes and her face flushes just a bit.

“I was young!” I brush her hair back, and look closely at the black lines that curl across her shoulder and up onto her neck, a massive black spider so realistically done it looks like it’s perched on her shoulder blade, fuzzy legs stretching out and resting on her neck. “That is Nyx. Nox got her done, and named her after herself, of course.” I couldn’t help but laugh at the explanation. Our wolves are very much full of themselves, but the spider I didn’t understand.

There are more to explore, but she wiggles down off the counter and skips to the bathroom. She’s gone only a minute or two before she skips back in.

“Will you tell me about it?” She somewhat freezes, caught off guard by the question.

“Tell you about what?” Hesitation.

“About what he did to you?”

“I figured you would know already. Your family had to know.” Clipped and short.

“My parents were ashamed and kept as much of it as they could a secret, even from the family. We only knew he had hurt somebody. It wasn’t until sometime later I’d found you were even still alive. They made it sound like a training error. That it wasn’t intentional and I avoided the rumors until I simply couldn’t and came to terms with what I’d assumed he’d done.” Her eyes studied me. Hung on each word, inspected them for honesty. She leaned her back against the wall and slid down, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them.

“What do you think he did?” Her face was completely blank and her voice was flat. I sat down next to her, towering over her even from this position.

I struggled with the words. With the word, with a gentle way of phrasing but every chain of words I put together wouldn’t choke out of my mouth, not in correlation to my mate. “Well he. He, took…… advantage…”

“You can say it I won’t light on fire and disintegrate” Her voice was empty, I wasn’t sure she hadn’t already lit on fire and disintegrated. I couldn’t push the word out of my mouth I just couldn’t do it. “r**e?”

It physically hurt me to hear it. I recoiled a stark contrast to her total lack of motion or reaction.

“Did he?”

“Yep” her eyes had gone a sort of matte black color, not the deep brown they usually were.

“We don’t have to….”

“I don’t want to have this conversation again. So if you’re not done, I suggest you finish.” I pulled her close against me. Holding her tight and hoping the contact would soften her but I couldn’t feel her body relax and I realized maybe I wanted her close for my own comfort.

“I just want to understand the circumstances and to understand what you went through. I want confirmation that moving from the pack was your choice and done for your best interest. I don’t want to be part of this if they hid you for the sake of themselves.”

“I was never not welcome here. But it got painful, the situation divided people. No one disagreed with his punishment per se, if what had happened, happened as I said it did. The issue was that many didn’t believe it did. The rumors about how awful it had been seemed falls when I came out of hospice months later without even a scar. Of all the wolves in a pack, a beta. A figurehead to the testament of impartiality within a pack. It was easier to believe the no one was the liar.”

Many stood behind my brother, supporting his version of events. I knew that first hand and it has occurred to me very little at the time that if they stood in support of him, they stood against her. Many wolves don’t wait to find their mates, we succumb to the more carnal urges and seek out s****l partners before maturity and mating age. We date. It isn’t uncommon and it isn’t frowned upon. Nor is it frowned upon to date until you find your mate if it’s not a fairytale find them the day of maturity thing. We are animals by nature, but animals with a human side. Many wanted to believe Evangeline had been a willing participant who was ashamed or guilty regarding her choice to succumb to her own urges before finding her mate. From the time I had figured out what the actual crimes had been, I always believed her. I knew my brother. To him if you served little purpose you were nothing, objects to be used and discarded, to fulfill his whims and little else. I had no doubt. If someone as insignificant as nothing little she-wolf refused him, that alone would have enraged him, and he would have very much taken what he wanted from her, as he did with anyone else. I held her even tighter.

“Alpha Tom believed in letting anyone who wanted to train. He believed it made for a stronger pack if even the she wolves could hold their own. I used to train. I loved it. I felt a sense of purpose and it kept me away from my home. Always the second one there after Ciaran and usually was the last to leave. We were there that night and it was just us packing up, I didn’t hear him behind me and in an instant he had my face pressed into the wall.