Watercolor Girl

Sparks

Lev

I smelled it again, but so much stronger, that sweet musky scent, I inhaled it, relishing the warmth that washed over me as it filled all of my senses. I scanned in the direction it was coming from, and I saw her, a small figure far out in the distance, she was walking away, wearing a long black dress, her dark hair falling halfway down her back. I could feel every muscle in my body tense as I struggled against the urge to run to her. All I could do was stare, frozen in my own skin and struggling against my wolf to just go. I felt myself losing the battle. And she stopped, sniffing the air, she turned around and I saw her, her eyes met mine, and I couldn’t stop myself.

“STOP.” Ciaran’s voice asserted in my head, his alpha persuasion strong, and my body halted, but I couldn’t tear my eyes from her, standing like a statue so far out in the distance, too far, I needed to be closer. I felt a massive hand on my shoulder pulling me, turning me. “Look at me.” My eyes slowly moved from the distant figure to my alpha, my wolf roaring to go to her, I couldn’t focus my eyes on him, I could still smell her, and I needed to go. “LOOK AT ME.” My eyes finally focused, and where I expected anger on Ciaran’s face, there was fear. Fear? I didn’t understand, but I pulled away from his grip on my shoulder, it persisted, my eyes shot back to where she was, but she was gone, the space was empty. I turned back to my alpha, rage filling my being, before I could muster a word or movement, his alpha tone cut through my head “My office, NOW.”

Dargan bounced up, grabbing Ciaran’s arm, but his eyes never left mine, his ice blue eyes burning into mine, before his grip softened.

“Go, now, to my office.”

I couldn’t deny the command of my alpha, I turned to look one more time, but she was gone, so I turned slowly and started to walk in long determined strides to the alpha’s office. Til, my wolf, raged inside of me, howling “MATE!” As loud as his internal voice could muster. I closed my eyes, I could smell her, and it calmed me in the moment.

Ciaran

Not her, anyone but her. Lev’s muscles tensed and I could see him getting ready to run. I reached out and grabbed his shoulder, drawing a low growl from him, I linked him, using my alpha command, why now, why her? He looked at me, but I could tell he wasn’t seeing me, his eyes were dark black almost and I knew his wolf was getting ready to snap, so I commanded him to see me. Confusion replaced rage, but only for a moment, and I felt and saw myself losing his attention again. I commanded him to my office, his response was slow, and it hurt me for him to see him searching the distance for her and finding nothing there, but he began to march towards the pack house where my office was.

“What the f**k is going on?!” My little foul mouthed Luna’s voice danced into my head as we both watched Lev disappear inside the pack house.

“He found his mate.” A smile crossed her perfect full lips, and I could see her looking around, searching faces before confusion took its place. “It’s Evangeline.” Her eyes widened, and I think she had to physically pick her jaw up from the ground.

“You better get inside Alpha, he isn’t gonna wait in there for long.” Dargan gave my arm a squeeze, and kissed my cheek quickly before plastering a smile on her face and bouncing off to keep up the appearance of normalcy, thanking pack members for coming out and shaking hands and laughing. “Go, Ciaran!”

I started to follow Lev to the pack house.

Evangeline

Our eyes met and I could feel the sparks fill my body, Nox howled inside me, “MATE.” No, no. I couldn’t breathe, I stood frozen there, fighting the need to move towards him. I saw Alpha Ciaran grab his shoulder, and briefly his eyes broke away from mine. As soon as they shifted away from me, I ran, I sprinted as fast as I could towards the woods, I shifted just inside of the tree line, my clothes falling away to shreds, as I ran as fast as I could to my home. Nox battled me for control, my primal self, demanding we go back, demanding we find mate. I ran behind my house, where I shifted and dug a hidden key from under a flower pot, entering the back door, naked, and shaking, a dull ache forming in my chest. I rushed to the bathroom, I could feel the vomit rising in my throat. After I had finished regurgitating my chicken up, I ran a hot shower. I sat on the bathtub floor unable to control the tears. Nox still pestering and demanding we go back, but much more gently.

Lev

I paced inside the office, feeling caged and confined. Til threatened to tear a hole through the wall to get to her. “Why are we here?! Why can’t we go to her?!” I had no answer, I didn’t understand. I tried to link her, but I found nothing, she was either too far away, or blocking the connection. It made me more anxious. The longer I stayed here, the harder it would be to track her. I needed to go. I NEEDED to get to my mate. I waited for what felt like an eternity for Ciaran to enter the office, he was carrying two bottles of whiskey, and he handed one to me before tearing the cap off his and taking a long swig straight from the bottle. He pointed to a chair.

“Sit, Lev.”

I did as directed, but I couldn’t stop my body from fidgeting. He reached over, cracked the bottle of whiskey open, and gestured to drink, I obliged. He sat across from me, his eyes serious and sullen.

“Lev, do you know who she is?” I shook my head, I’d never seen her before that I could place. I knew the pack, and I didn’t know her. She had to be roughly my age, we were mates. Pain flashed across Ciaran’s face. Sadness in his eyes. “Lev, that’s Evangeline.”

Ciaran

I handed him a bottle of whiskey when I walked into the office. I ripped mine open and chugged for a minute before gesturing for him to sit. This conversation was going to hurt, he just didn’t know it yet. He sat, I could see the confusion and the anxiousness and I knew his wolf was tearing down the walls in his mind. We sat for just a moment in silence before I asked him if he knew who she was. He shook his head, more confusion clouding his eyes.

“Lev, that’s Evangeline.” In that moment the world crashed on his head. I could see the weight of it crush him, he shrunk, his shoulders hunched and his head bowed. He reached up and pulled the tie that had been keeping his hair back out and his hair fell forward over his face, shielding him from direct eye contact. I could see him take in a deep breath and hold it, I knew he was fighting back an emotional breakdown, but so far he had not succumbed. He too a long sip from his bottle, then another. He slowly looked up, and I could see one eye through his hair. I saw pain, and something else I didn’t recognize.

“Why would she do this to her?” Lev asked me, my heart broke, he was already more concerned with the pain this would cause to his mate, then to himself.

Lev

Not her, NOT HER. Evangeline is the name of the she-wolf my brother brutalized. It cost him his beta position, this pack, and eventually his life. I had never met her, she is a few years older. I heard whisperings about her after it happened. That she was had been a kind person, that she had trapped my brother, that it was lies, that she was a no one and he was a someone. I wasn’t privy to the details. But I know if there had been no evidence of what he’d been accused of, he would be in the beta position that I am in now. Ciaran’s father, our former alpha, was a fair alpha. I’ve always justified my brother’s expulsion from the pack by presuming how terrible what he did must have been. He and I were not close, he wasn’t kind to me, but I always assumed it was sibling s**t. My head ached, Til sat quiet for the moment, but he wouldn’t be for long. I let my hair out and chugged down some more whiskey. I thought for a moment before asking Alpha why Goddess would do this to her. As if our family hadn’t caused enough pain. She lived as an outcast now, as far as I knew she’d never been back to the pack since she’d left. Alpha made it clear to us all she chose to move to the outskirts of the lands, but we’d all assumed she’d been sent there, banished in a way. I had forgotten she lived out there, honestly. “Evangeline is a pretty name, for a pretty mate.” Til was soft, prodding, that the past didn’t matter, she was still ours.

Evangeline

I curled up in my bed, my insides aching, I am slightly old to find my mate, especially when he’s been so close. My body is demanding him, that I be with my other half, I feel very much that, like I have been ripped in half. That it has waited long enough. Nox is whimpering, but otherwise quiet. She has been a part of me my whole life, my trauma is hers as well, and she hasn’t forgotten why we are out here. I lit a fire in the small fireplace in my room. The sound of the crackling wood, the scent, reminds me of his and it soothes me, but only slightly. It isn’t him. He who I do not want, who I have not searched for nor desired, but now who I need so fiercely. A wolf is able to reject their mate, although doing so will generally cause harm if it isn’t a mutual rejection, the pain has been enough to cause death in those against the rejection. Even so, in order to reject my mate, I would have to see him. It must be done in person, face to face. I can’t reject him via link, just as he cannot reject me that way. I find it hard to believe that any pain could be worse than the pains I have already endured and am enduring. How long have I been laying here, crying? I startle when I hear the faintest tapping on my door.

Lev

Alpha Ciaran had no answers. He thinks Goddess fated us together before my brother took her. Before I was to be beta and when she was a no one, with no leadership or royalty bloodlines. Dargan had come in, she hugged me, worry evident. I asked if she knew Evangeline, but she professes she did not, that she was older and had no mutual friends.

“If you want to know her, Ciaran knew her. They were close before…”

Ciaran glared at her momentarily, I knew he was snapping at her via link, and knowing Dargan, she was snapping back, and she must have won. Ciaran sighed, sipped, and nodded.

“We are only months apart in birth. We grew up together, since mom and dad didn’t believe in keeping us separate because we were theirs. They wanted us to know and be a part of the pack. So yes. I know her.” I don’t know why I asked. Because it doesn’t matter.

“I’d like to be dismissed now.” My chest was aching. I had never felt pain like this. I had never felt so empty. I took another sip, and then another, finishing the bottle and setting it down on the floor by my feet. “Alpha, may I be dismissed?” Ciaran looked conflicted, but he nodded, I closed the door behind me, leaving the alpha and Luna alone in his office.

Dargan

“He’s gonna go to her.” My mate whispered. I could sense his tension and I straddled his lap, taking his face in my hands.

“He is, and there is nothing anyone can do to stop it. He found his mate. No force in all of the heavens and hells could have kept you from me when you first saw me. He can’t defy our instinct.” I heard the bottle he was holding crash to the floor, but I had no time to react, his mouth was on mine, his hands wrapped in my hair, holding my mouth to his.

“Let’s go upstairs, I’m starving and you smell delicious.”

I pressed my hips into his, just enough, before standing and straightening my clothing. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder before sprinting to the stairs that led to our rooms.

Lev

I went to my room, I showered, got dressed in jeans and a T shirt. I laid in my bed, reaching, trying to link her, but she was unreachable. Til grumbled, pressed, persisted and the hole in my chest radiated out pain. I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t take that she would be feeling this. I made it to the edge of the wood line, it was barely a few feet in but I found the tatters of what she had been wearing. She hadn’t even undressed to shift. Her smell was strong on her clothes, intoxicating. I picked up her scent easily from there and began to track her deeper into the dense forest trees. It seemed like and eternity before I stumbled on her little house. A dark little place invisible amongst its surroundings. I shifted and redressed before moving to her door. I could smell a fire burning, I tapped gently on the door, not wanting to startle her. I can’t imagine she wouldn’t know it was me. She moved almost silently, I didn’t hear her move to the door, the door cracked just the slightest, and a small little figure peered out. Her scent bombarded me from the open door. Her face was red, her eyes were swollen, she had been crying.

“Why are you here.” Her voice was little more than a squeak. It was the most beautiful voice I’d ever heard. She was short, exceptionally short for our pack. Her hair was a tangled mess around her face, flat on one side and wild on the other. I could tel which side she had been laying on. I could feel Til’s excitement at even just the sight of her. Our wolves represent the primal animal in us, they are our baser more instinctual needs. Til was attracted to her, but he made no push for anything, which I was relieved by. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her and eventually I felt her discomfort.

“I’m sorry. I had to. My mate?” I couldn’t form a thought, a logical sentence. She winced at the word mate, as if it caused her pain. Her eyes searched mine, I could see her inhale, and her body relaxed just enough. She took a small unsure step back, opening the door wider.

“Come in?”

It was a question more then a statement, but I didn’t wait, I moved before she could take it back. She closed the door slowly and quietly behind me.

“I’m sorry, Beta,” her eyes were down focused on some insignificant flaw on the floor “I can’t, be…”

“Lev, please call me Lev, please?” It’s like my name hurt her, she sort of winced, but her eyes never moved from the floor.

“I’m not sure that you should be here.” Her voice entered my head, but the weight of her words hurt, she didn’t move her eyes, didn’t move at all, stood there like a statue in this tiny room, in this small house. I reached slowly for her face, giving her every opportunity to move away if she chose, but she didn’t, I lifted her chin, so our eyes could meet, the fire I felt in my body when they did was unexplainable, the contact from my fingers to her chin sent warm waves radiating through the rest of my body.

Her eyes were dark, deep brown with flecks of gold when the light caught them. Her breathe caught in her chest when our eyes met, they were beautiful, but I imagine unnoticeable from a distance or if you didn’t take the time to look. Her lips were thin, her nose was small there was a slight curve to it, and I wondered if it had been broken at some point. She was short, shorter than I’d realized, I towered over her. Her skin was tan, darker than mine, she bore a closer genetic link to the native wolves who settled and established the pack here. She held my gaze for a moment before shifting her eyes away, she didn’t remove her chin from my hand, but her eyes searched far to the side and away from mine.

Evangeline

His scent hit my nose before his sight caught my eyes, there was an instant calmness that came over me, the ache in my chest eased, the silence between us thickened before I could muster my voice

“Why are you here?” He deflated a bit, but didn’t move, didn’t attempt to move into my home, just stood, it took a moment for him to respond.

“I’m sorry…”

He continued but I couldn’t hear it, his voice was deep, his apology stuck, frozen in my head. I don’t know why but I stepped back and invited him in. He moved quickly with an unexpected gracefulness for a wolf his size, just inside the doorway, which I closed nearly silently behind him, but then he stood still, staring, again. I did my best to muster words, to form sentences but they wouldn’t come. I stuttered out an attempted apology, I wanted to tell him this wasn’t right, that I couldn’t be his mate.

“I’m sorry, Beta, I can’t.” Nox rattled her internal cages, furious she had been relatively silent, although obviously present until now, she caught me off guard and I paused. “I can’t be…” another earth shattering howl that only I could hear, but it cut through my head.

“Lev, please call me Lev.” His voice silenced us both, Nox simmered, and the statement I was struggling to produce disappeared, I couldn’t remember where it was going or what I was trying to say. I reached out with my mind, maybe if I couldn’t make the words come together in my mouth I could fashion them through linking.

“I’m not sure that you should be here.”

Again he winced and I could see his posture change, he shrunk down a little, his shoulders slumped a bit, I kept my gaze away, but watched him steadily from my periphery. His hand moved slowly, and he gently placed his fingers under my chin, the contact sending fireworks through my body, and lifted my gaze to his. The pull was instant, I wanted to be closer, to close the distance between us, but I stood planted, firm in my understanding that THIS could not be. His eyes were beautiful, a deep dark forest green color, I had never seen such a color, one of his pupils looked like it had melted and dripped down into the dark green of his iris, it looked almost crescent moon shaped. For a moment, I couldn’t breathe as his touch and his beauty overcame me. He had long hair, messy, unkempt dark shiny black hair. He looked nothing like his bother, and I immediately hated myself for comparing them. That wasn’t fair. Lev was pale, his dark features brought an intensity to his appearance against his fair skin. He was tall, and stood in front of me like a wall, a tower, a beacon. “Our tower.” Nox growled in my head. In an instant he overwhelmed me, and I looked away, forced my eyes away from the most beautiful being I had ever seen, but I couldn’t force my chin from the cradle of his fingers. There was comfort in his touch, despite the internal chaos, I felt calmer then I had in my life. A soft, almost desperate voice filled my head, it pleaded quietly.

“Please don’t reject me. Please don’t force me away.” My eyes shot back to his, and I was surprised to see them fighting back moisture, I didn’t understand. He is our Beta, massive and strong, obviously, I didn’t expect tears, I didn’t expect compassions or the gentleness he exhibited in the short time I had been aware of his physical existence. His pain pulled at me and I could feel his panic, tugging at my chest and turning my stomach. There was fear, he was afraid. I couldn’t see it, but I could feel it. I searched for an explanation in his eyes, his beautiful green eyes. The tear overwhelmed his long dark lashes, and fell, but he didn’t blink, his eyes stubbornly fixed on mine.

I lost control of myself, I couldn’t stop my hand from reaching up and wiping it away, he bowed his head slightly to meet my touch, and his eyes closed for a moment, finally breaking his hold. I trailed my fingers down his cheek, before letting my hand drop away. I didn’t want to, I wanted to touch him, to feel the warmth and the fire that erupted when our skin met, but I did, I forced my hand away. I backed away just enough for his fingers to lose their contact with my chin, and I looked away again, but I couldn’t force myself to keep my eyes away for long, and they drifted back to him.

“Please.” His deep voice whimpered in my head. Before I could realize that I had nodded, he moved like lightening and I was wrapped completely in his arms, the most complete calm I had ever felt washed over me despite the fire burning on my skin. His scent was overwhelming and I couldn’t help but breathe him in, as deeply as I could. He was holding me firmly, and I could feel his nose in my hair, breathing me in just a deeply. I cursed the mate bond and being unable to resist it’s pull but I relished in this moment, in him.

Lev

So much conflict. Her conflict overwhelmed me and despite how hard I tried to push it away, a tear escaped my eye. It wasn’t mine, it was hers, she reached up, her fingertips ever so gently brushing my skin to reclaim it. She withdrew her hand, her eyes searching somewhere else in the room before moving back to me, to mine. I felt it in my soul, I could feel her struggling with herself, and I knew if I stood here and gave her the time to collect herself, she would reject me. I understood. She had been alone for several years, and it was my blood that caused it. Her fortitude and instinct to survive had gotten her this far, but I couldn’t stand even the concept of the words, I reached out, forming the only word that I could muster through my own turmoil and the weight of her conflict.

“Please.”

Please what? I didn’t know, she nodded, barely a visible movement but my body reacted and I closed the impossible distance between us and wrapped her in my arms, pressing my face into her hair and breathing in her sweet scent. Letting it overwhelm me. She offered no resistance and I could feel her small arms wrap around my waist. Til hissed “MINE.” In my head. I could feel her body immediately relax into me. She breathed deeply, and I could feel a slight shudder from her small body. In that moment a weight lifted, her conflict dissolved and my turmoil dissipated all that existed between us was the bond strengthened by the contact of our bodies against each other’s. If I could show her before she could say it, maybe she would stay. Maybe she would keep me. Maybe I could sway her to give me just a little bit more time. I needed her. From the moment I had first picked up a hint of her scent I needed her and I knew it. I couldn’t exist without her. I felt her head shift and her eyes moved to find mine from the cocoon of my arms her fierce dark eyes met mine, she held them for only a moment before the color disappeared into the back of her skull and her eyes closed completely, her body falling limp in my arms filling me with an instant dread and panic. I moved my arm under the ditch behind her knees and lifted her light but lifeless body, holding her against me, while scanning the layout of her little home.

A door sat open and I could see an unmade bed, Just a few long strides and we were beside it, I placed her down gently, pulling her covers over her, I placed my thumb over her lips to convince myself she was still breathing, and I felt little whispers of air sending tingles through my arm. I kneeled beside her bed, unsure of that I should do. Til urged to hold her, to feel her against us, but I couldn’t. I knew I couldn’t, of all the she-wolfs in our pack, permission to share her bed was more important and imperative, and I refused to overstep that boundary. The floor creaked quietly as I stood to leave. I wouldn’t impose without her approval. I could shift and sleep outside, posted, so I knew she was safe and protected despite her isolation from the safety of the pack. She stirred slightly, at the quiet creaking of the floor, and I froze for a moment, despite wanted to wake her, to see her, to hear her, to have an opportunity to know her better I know that the events of today had drained her and that rest was necessary. I backed slowly to the door when a thin whispery voice permeated the silence.

“Please stay.”