glimpse
614 Words
Diary Entry
Today... everything shattered .
"It's forbidden-from the beginning !" he yelled .
His voice still rings in my ears-sharp, fiery, final .
His eyes burned with fury. I've never seen him like that before .
But me ?
I was cold. Ice cold .
Like water trying to tame fire .
He was rage. I was silence .
We were different-always have been .
Still, I tried to belong to him .
Tried to mold myself into someone who fit .
Because I was in love with him .
Madly. Blindly .
Drowning in thoughts of him .
I asked him with every ounce of control I had, "Then why did you begin it? You were the mature one. Why did you start this ?"
He looked at me like I'd betrayed him, like I'd flipped the story .
His jaw clenched .
His hands were trembling, the veins stark and angry .
His eyes-red .
With anger, yes .
But also... regret. Maybe even love .
Though he hid that part like it was a crime .
He tried to justify it .
"It was foolishness... fun in the beginning. I made it clear before it went too far ."
But it had gone far .
I told him ,
"It wasn't the beginning when it happened . We were already deep in it. Too deep to pretend otherwise ."
And then ...
He straightened his shoulders .
Declared it was over .
"I have the power here. I'm ending it. The boundaries will be reestablished ."
He clapped his hands, like closing a deal. Like we were a meeting agenda .
My heart broke a little more .
I asked him ,
"What about the moments we shared? The ones with no boundaries? What about all of that ?
You call it forbidden, but wasn't it real? Isn't it real ?
Be brave, Christopher. Take a stand for us. Don't be a coward ."
I knew I was pushing him, and it only made it worse .
"Cowardice?! It's WRONG! WRONG! WRONG !"
He stomped .
Slammed his desk .
Threw his files everywhere like they were made of our memories .
And then... I just walked away .
Didn't turn back .
Didn't answer when he called .
Every step out of his office felt heavier than the last .
My chest was tight .
My eyes blurred .
Tears didn't fall right away, but I could feel the
flood building .
They came as I walked through the corridor-his shouts echoing behind me .
My classmates stared .
They must've known. They must've heard .
I didn't care .
I just wanted to vanish .
Disappear .
Erase every moment I ever shared with him .
Got in my car .
No messages. No calls .
Not even a "goodbye ."
I drove out of campus .
The memories came like waves .
Soft ones. Sharp ones. Crippling ones .
Why, God ?
Why can't we be one ?
Why does love have to be forbidden ?
Why is he so distant ?
Why is everything so wrong ?
When I finally reached home, I was empty .
But then I saw a letter on the table .
Ambrosiana Library. Milan .
They selected me-for the authors' team .
A new door. A new place .
Maybe a new version of me .
One that doesn't love someone who can't love back freely .
One that lets go .
Leaving him behind suddenly feels like the only thing I can do .
Maybe it's time .
Maybe Milan is my new beginning .....
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- Writer
