Feelings of Life Torment

episodes 4

From then on, a new routine began in John's life. Every day, he would wake up before dawn, get ready at a certain time, and leave for college. Upon reaching college, he would first go to the canteen and have a light breakfast, a cup of tea and a small snack, to give him strength for the day. Then his main work would begin. Teaching history to students. History was not just a subject for him; it was his passion, his love. So, standing in class, he would not only give information from the textbook, but also convey the story, feelings, and impressions of time behind each event. After class, John would go to the library almost every day. Sitting in the middle of the huge bookshelves, he would study old history books with deep attention. Even though he was immersed in the pages of the book, his mind seemed to be floating somewhere in an invisible stream. While sitting in the silent atmosphere of the library, his eyes would unconsciously search for a familiar face, Laila. Sometimes from a distance, sometimes in passing, and sometimes from behind, he would see Laila. This meeting became an inevitable part of his day.

John would return home at the end of the day with a tired body. When he lay down in bed after dinner, his eyes would close, but his mind would stay awake. The memories of the whole day would then float on the screen of his mind one by one. Especially Laila's smiling face, her soft voice, and the feeling of her presence would fill John's mind with a strange obsession. In this way, one night after another began to pass.

Two years passed by as he saw through this regular life. During this time, John seemed to have rediscovered Laila. He understood Laila's small joys, her affectionate behavior, light arrogance, unknown pain, and her deep sincerity. It was as if John had learned to read the language of Laila's eyes. Her smile was as bright as the morning sun, and her silence was as deep as the cloudy sky. John himself did not understand when Laila had become such an important part of his life.

One morning, John's mind was filled with a strange excitement. A throbbing sound was growing in his chest for no reason. He decided to say something that had been on his mind for a long time today. Today he would not hold back anymore.

Before Laila arrived, John stood in front of the college library. A light breeze was blowing around, the leaves of the trees were swaying gently, and the sun was hiding behind the clouds, spreading a soft light. John's eyes kept moving towards the college gate. Every moment seemed to be getting longer for him.

Suddenly he saw Laila crossing the college gate and approaching the library. She looked even more beautiful in her white and blue dress. Her hair was flying in the light wind, and she had that familiar sweet smile on her face. Seeing this scene, John's heart palpitations increased even more.

Laila came closer and said with a light smile,

"What's the matter, Mr. John? Why are you standing here today?"

John remained silent for a while. It was as if the words were getting stuck in his throat. Then, slowly gathering courage, he said,

“Layla… I want to tell you something today… I’ve been thinking about it for a long time, but I couldn’t say it.”

Layla looked at him with surprised eyes.

“What?” he asked softly.

John’s voice trembled a little. He said,

“I can’t think straight now, Layla. Your smile, your words, and the moments spent with you… everything has become very special to me. I don’t know when you became so important in my life.”

After saying these words, John held his breath and looked into Layla’s eyes. There was a wait in her eyes… for an answer, for an acknowledgement of a feeling.

Hearing John’s words, Layla remained silent for a moment. A strange light seemed to be shining in her eyes. Her hair was blowing in the light breeze, and the silence around her deepened the moment. John’s heart rate seemed to have become even more intense. He was just waiting for what Layla would say.