Cruel Summer

"I love you!" I shouted at him. He stopped on walking before glancing at me. Then his forehead crumpled and give me a "what did you say" look. "I love you." I repeated on a monotone voice. Enough for him to hear and feel the sincerity in my words. "Are you crazy? Kristan, look. I am not into..." "I know. I just wanted you to know. You're not into me because of Julien, right?" I interrupted him 'cause I don't want to hear the truth. Honestly, right now, I feel the pain. "No. It's not just like that." "No need for explanations, Henry. Whatever. Now that I said it, I'd never expect anything in return or say something. After all these years, I don't want to keep secrets and I feel better saying it to you and I don't need answers 'cause I know this will never work like in a movie." "Kristan..." "I love you, Henry. But Julien is someone you wanted for a long time. And I... I knew I will never be him. And that's okay. We're just on high school. Maybe someday, I will laugh at this confession and realized it was just a puppy love or infatuation. Whatever. I have to go. Have a great night." I started to walk away from him but he started to talk again. "I love you." he softly said. I stopped at that moment and I want to hear more. I don't want to become selfish at this point and desperate at the same time but I want him. I really do love him. I want him to love me back. If there's no Julien, maybe we are possible to be together. If there's no Julien and if I told him what I feel before maybe we are now a couple. "But as a friend. A special friend or bestfriend. Nothing more than that." he casually said. That breaks my heart right now. I knew it. As I said, I'd never expect anything. But I'm hoping. Hoping and expecting are not the same thing. Hoping is keeping your fate and expecting is demanding of something. I'm always hoping for him to see me the way he see Julien. But I am no compare to Julien. He's a perfect example of a dream partner. "Thank you." I answered as my tears start to fall down on my cheeks but I managed not to let him notice I am crying. I grab my graduation cap tight for me to hold on bursting out. It hurts more than I'd ever imagine. "Kristan, look... I'm sorry." "No need Henry. You don't need to be sorry. I must be the one to say sorry. I'm sorry. I'm glad to know that. I'm happy to be your 'bestfriend'. But starting tomorrow, it will be just a memory." I humbly said. Silence filled the air and I think that's my cue to go. Walking alone while my tears don't stop on falling. I run and I already saw Kuya Keith's car waiting for me. He was standing and when he saw me, he smiled but already fade when he notice that I am crying. I run to my Kuya and hug him so tight and I burst out to his chest. I know he wanted to know why but he just hushed me and say it's okay and hug me back. I'm in pain.