LOVING MY BEAST

A LITTLE BOY'S CRY

The next day.

I make breakfast in the kitchen since aunt Gina went to work. Since the summer vacation started Max has been cooped up in his room. He barely talks neither does he show himself. The fact that he is just twelve does not amount to the teenage phase. I know for sure it had something to do with the accident. Poor thing must have been traumatized. He tries to hide but it’s hard to miss. I call him and he comes after a few minutes with music blasting from his headphones.

He grabs his plate and tries to leave but I grab his arm. “Are you okay?” “Yeah!” His answer’s nonchalant. “Hey, wait!” “What?” He avoids eye contact. “Sit. We need to talk.” He sighs and complies. I decide to make small talk to ease the tension. “So how has Aunt Gina’s been? Any discomfort?” He shakes his head. I nod and continue. “Have you been coping well? No night terrors? No ripped stitch?” He shakes his head looking down at his omelet.

I let my cutler down in a noisy manner. “Listen I can’t just come out with what bothering you by just looking at you. You’re not okay I want to help you and I can’t protect you if you don’t tell me. You’re being a brat.” My words seemed to upset him, his head jerked up from his plate to me. His big brown eyes that stared at me wavered.

His face contorted with rage. “What do you want me to say that wouldn’t make me just another one of you burdens? The accident made me realize that at any moment I could lose you and mom. Then again I think *sniff* what if I had lost you in that accident what if I lost mom and what if I lost both of you. These thoughts haunt me every day since the accident. Then I saw you in the hospital bed with tubes and needles in you. You kept fighting for your life every time the heart rate monitor decreased we were sent into a frenzy.

Every night was sleepless cause we could wake up to tomorrow without you. *sniff* I am not even allowed to cry cause if I do I get called a wimp by my peers. When dad left every day at school was a nightmare. Mom always came to the PTA’s alone. They kept asking where’s your dad? Is he okay? When they didn’t get a reply they would make up rumors. It got so bad that they started calling mom a homewrecker, saying that you and I are tools to ruin a perfect marriage. When I tried to fight back they’d just go ahead and label me as a trouble maker and a wayward kid. One time I even heard my teacher whisper “The thot’s too busy ruining marriages to fix her own kid.” That was just last year. When they call mom over I would apologize repeatedly just so I would have to tell her the hurtful words they say about her.

Mom didn’t say it but I know for sure she regrets having me. After all, she had me as a last minute result to save her marriage to dad. *sniff*” Fat tears started streaming down the little boy’s eyes. I just sat there with my mouth wide open.

“And you. What the hell is wrong with you? You keep getting hurt by the same person but you keep going back to him. Haven’t you heard about the term toxic relationship? He has put you through so much yet you keep forgiving him. He’s manipulating you yet you don’t even realize it. For God's sake wake the f*ck up. You have shed so much all in the name of what? Love? That is not love, that’s foolishness. Now help me? Didn’t you say that you’d help me? Do it then. Don’t just sit there with your mouth open. Help me!” The boy grabbed my shoulder and violently shook me asking me to help me. “I-I-I…” I kept trying to form words but it just was working. He wiped his tears with the sleeve of his hoody and left for his room shutting and locking the door.

I sat there in a state of total shock and disbelief. I was so concentrated on myself that I had no idea my decisions hurt others apart from myself. I chased after him. Leaving him alone is dangerous to himself. Sat in front of his door and leaned the back on my head on it. I could hear his sniffles. I feel so terrible right now. How could I have been so blind?

“Claire?” “Yeah?” “You said problems were for adults so why am I having them. Does this mean I am grown enough to handle them? Does this mean I have to stop being happy? Can I stop smiling now? Cause’ it doesn’t seem to be working anymore. Yesterday I heard aunt Gina cry. I also heard you cry yourself to sleep yesterday. During your recovery mom cried a lot no matter how much I smiled to comfort her she just hugged me and continued to cry. *sniff*”

“Max?” “Yeah,*hiccup*” “I lied to you.” “What?!” “Kids have problems too. Thiers’ could even be worse than an adult’s. The truth is we as adults have trouble dealing with small problems. Look I will not lie through my teeth and tell you that everything is going to be okay. I won’t tell you that I have the answers to all our problems. However, I can tell you that we can solve it together. After all, and I quote “But I thought problems are best solved together.” I hear him laugh at my quoting his sentence from nine years ago.

“Claire?” “Yeah?” “I’m sorry for shading your relationship. I know you love him.” “No, you’re right I am foolish.” “No, you’re not. You really love him. I can tell he also does. He’s probably the kind of guy who has problems expressing himself. Though that is no excuse to make you cry. I’m still waiting to have a face-off with him so I can punch him in the face.” I laugh at my little brother’s protective words.

“Hopefully I can blackmail him into getting me the latest version of PlayStation and Nintendo.” “Just say that wanting to punch him is a cover up for making him bribe you.” “Aw sis I love you. But PlayStation cost a lot you know.” “To think my own brother will sell me out for a PlayStation. Wow. How terrible of a sister am I?” “Trust me, you don’t wanna know.” I laugh and get up, dusting my butt. “Well, good day… traitor.” “Good day. Terrible sis.” I sigh and leave his door. I take some water from the fridge when I hear someone enter. I go to check and it’s my mom.