A Reverend's Anecdote

I began to question myself. I always think about what is right and wrong, indeed I become adamant to my principles. I loathe what is taught to be loathed. And I did things in accordance to what I have learned. I was not born a Messiah, neither a Mary. I am an offspring brought up to follow divine path. And so the thought rooted deeply. I grew up knowing the truth, but somehow unwilling to go in perfecting. I am satisfied with my being - having divine accomplishments. Not knowing before and only then I've realized, my reverence illuminates only on the surface. The fondness can be seen in my eyes, but it is clouded, not of truth. It's always been guilt-bound. Looking back on my history, you'll learn about how opposite I live up my name. I was often referred to as Holy - a name rooted from a makebelieve personality and identity. Everyone around me feel intimidated by the timid being I shamelessly display. Like a corpse flower, this masked identity unguiltlessly ruled my moral kingdom with unwithering beauty and innocence hushly killing it with unlearned rotting scents. Confidence. I overestimated my ability of hiding. Not knowing that I will be damned and doomed unexpectedly. Unwilling to be burned by man's scorching eyes, I build my own door when there is no exit. In that way, I was able to escape my short-noticed demise. I endlessly flaunt my hideous lies 'til it grows to a myriad of peircing arrows. Making the blood's shade darker than the darkiest - defeating the blindest night sky. Enlightening myself about righteousness, seeking the rightful path nullifies my senses. It's become my obsession that resides only in the mind. A broken link of devotion that never reaches my abode of love and soul. I am living today, tommorrow maybe not. Infinite as the chances are, sins never ends.