THE GAY BARTENDER

Chapter forty nine

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I woke up dreading my day , there were dishes to be done , muffins to make , the bakery was in a mess. The apartment was in a mess and I couldn't stop the though of Me Beetle's remnants attack, maybe I i ignored it, it would just go away ,I walked into the Living room naked and still bloody.

My eyes snapped shut, I saw Archer choke Mr. Beetle to death, while the man struggled to get free. His head was limp and his eyes went to the back of his head.I could see his skin turn purple. It was important for me to Forget about what Archer had done. It was impossible for me to forget about the ordeal with the blood everywhere , I had to clean it up if I needed a second peace. I couldn't face the woman on the mirror, I just couldn't . When I walked up to my vanity either. It reminded me of a movie I saw in highschool where a kid had pig blood thrown to her. I had scratches all over my wrists and ankles. They were raw and when I stepped into the shower , the water tore into my skin .

I hissed and pulled my hand back , I couldn't stop thinking about it when everything reminded me of the dreadful scene.The mess in the living room and the kitchen ,the screaming pain of my ankles and wrists . The throbbing ache in my head . I just hoped it would go away. I felt my feet slip slip under me and I found myself kneeling and sobbing . The real world came rushing back too fast and I couldn't handle it .I reached up and turned the water as hot as I could .I screamed from the feeling of it, my whole body shook from the outcry of pain pouring out of me. Something had been boiling from inside me and it erupted from me now.

But it didn't help, the water kept coming , scorching my skin and burning my cuts. I couldn't reach out to shock myself out of this . I should've stayed away.

I laid at the shower floor until the water heater gave out and the cold water came out. I grunted , braced myself to get up and turned the water off. The silence was unbearing. My skin was bright red and my wrists were peeling. This was never going to end. How could I possibly go back to my normal life after all I had seen?

I threw on an old pair of jeans and a shirt still stained with blueberry syrup and walked into the living room. There was a hole above the TV where Archer's bullet made an impact . there was no way I was going to be allowed to stay in that building for much longer.

I was probably going to get a twenty-four hour eviction notice by the end of the day. Nothing was good and simple. Every task from pulling on my shoes to opening the car door was an obligation and another reminder of what had happened. My only hope was to get to work. Maybe baking would get my mind off things.

Downtown was congested, they were having their monthly farmer's market .it was set up n the square where Archer and I had come dancing during the music festival. I could still see the tattered white remains of the paper lanterns . I wanted to blow the place up. I'd have to get back to work.

Laura was outside, openly smoking in the back when I pulled up. She didn't say anything. I didn't want to tell her anything about Archer, but I could tell by the way she looked at me when she came inside that she wanted to say something. I stormed out of the lobby and started making a pot of coffee while I clocked in on the register.

She stayed in the kitchen until the morning rush was over and only came out when my back was turned to pick a scone.I pretended that I didn't see her but I did. I didn't need a reminder, there was nothing I could do about this . Archer simply wasn't the right man for me.

I drank cup after cup of coffee until my hands started shaking and I had to sit down in the office. The stained pavement and the stack of papers made me feel like I had entered into another dimension, where everything was a little bit worse than it normally was.

I closed my eyes . Business would slow down ,the bakery would close down and I would lose my apartment. Everything that could go wrong , would go wrong until I lost everything and lived in a ditch like Mr.Beetle.

Laura came in."Hey."

I sighed and my head fell forward . the last thing I wanted to do was cry in front of her but I had to master self control.

"Its okay." She rested her hand on my shoulder.

"No,its not " I shot up out of the chair .

"I-laura..."

I sat back down.

"What! He's gone " I wailed

"Oh no"

"I thought you hated him"

"Well yeah, I did."

"Shouldn't you be happy then?" I asked

"No , I was wrong , he's a good man."

"No , he's not laura . you didn't see what I saw. He's not like you and me , there's something wrong with him . "

"Like what, you mean the fact that he was ready to protect you from someone who wanted to torture you with a red hot knife. Are you crazy , I would have killed him."

"You say that but you don't really mean it , Archer really meant it he was going to do it . I had to stop him from doing it. No, I had to beg him not to do it.

" put yourself in his shoes , the woman she loves is about to die . you can't tell me that you don't love him enough to kill for him. I've seen how you two are when you are together.

I felt like she had slapped me in the face. I'd been trying to push my feelings down this entire morning. I told myself that I didn't care and that Archer didn't matter too .laura was not going to let me forget about Archer. Actually I needed that. I needed to hear that even if I didn't want to.

I wanted to walk passed her but she blocked my way .

"Sit down" she pointed at the chair .

I looked past her into the lobby . I didn't even have the energy to walk out there so relented.

"I can't hear this."

"How many bullshit reasons are you going to come up with to f**k this up?"

"Stop!'

"No! That man risked everything for you. If it hadn't been for him you would have been dead or disfigured by now or who nows what that good for nothing dumb f**k homeless lunatic could have done to you and now you are treating him like he's a mass murderer." She laughed bitterly."

"I can't believe I didn't see it before."

"Please" I was sobbing.

"This has nothing to do with Archer or even what happened. This is about you sabotaging your own relationship. You are so worried about what will happen ,every little thing . just like the way you were when you started the bakery.I literally had to push you to the bank. You'd never have taken the risk . you are a coward and if you don't see it then you don't deserve him."

"I-". She was gone and I was left thinking of Archer and the way he turned into a completely different person when he entered the apartment and was almost killing Mr.Beetle and I had to stop him from doing it.

I gasped and looked around. I could almost see him. With his hands still around my neck with those eyes burning through me.

" Are you going to do it again, Maya."

"If you say one more word to me I swear , you will be fired! I slammed the door on her face and leaned back against it. My tears running down my face still stung every part of me was raw and battered.I couldn't go anywhere like that.

That was the worst part of the entire episode.I wasn't working like I should have. Instead I was holing myself up in the back office,too afraid to even walk out of the office, too afraid to even walk out of the door. When we were together, I would space out into a sixteen year old swooning like he was in a boy band. The distraction was bad ,it could ruin my whole life.

I sat down on the chair and held my hands over my head . I had to deal with my apartment. It wasn't much but it still didn't feel like home, especially now that it was wrecked but I couldn't find another place in a day.

I reached out for my phone. There were over forty messages from Archer , I could read the one hovering at the top of my screen and swiped it away. I had missed him , I missed him but that wasn't the problem. It was the fact that I had been stupid enough to fall for him.

I called the apartment office.

"Homestead, this is Grace ."

"Hi, Grace this is Maya from apartment 445."

There was a long pause, I thought she hung up ."Are you okay, the cops outside and Vivian told me she heard a gunshot ."

I sighed ."I .."

"Just tell me you are okay."

"Yeah," The tears came trolling down my pink cheeks.

"What happened? I thought it was a robbery ."

"Well of course it wasn't, we've been worried sick about you all day . Vivian wanted to call the fire department to break down the door but she saw you drive off this morning.

" what happened? "

This might be a trap, I didn't know what to say.

"Are you hurt?"

"A little cut up but nothing major."

"Thank God" she sounded relieved.

"Please don't kick me out ."

"Are you calling because you think am going to evict you?. Oh sweetie no, no I'm sorry .Listen , get your things cleaned up take some time to rest and don't worry, we love having you here . Okay?'

" Really , and if there is anything you need , please let me know."

"There's a bullet hole in the wall , its pretty big ."

"That's fine , do you want us to go in and fix it today."

"No, wait till I come home, "

"You sure you're all right ."

"I'll be fine." I hung up.

There was a knock at the door.

"Maya"

"What! "

"I'm sorry. You do whatever you think is best , okay. Take as much time as you need in there I got you covered out here."

"Thank you, laura."

"I know it feels like nothing good will ever come out of this but don't worry . You are an amazing person . you'll get through this."

I was relieved when I heard her go away. I couldn't stay there and I couldn't go home either . I couldn't go anywhere that I could feel safe. I didn't want to look like a cat lady roaming around the streets. No matter what I did, this feeling was not going away.