Baby Mommy

"A heartfelt thank you to all of you! We are grateful that you, guys, attended our wedding today. We hope that you enjoyed this day as much as we do!" Kang Seulgi on her tuxedo all smiles, arms around her now, wife, Bae Irene. I clapped, feeling proud at Irene who managed not to be widowed before she could actually marry Seulgi. Irene's been trying to kill her for the last 10 years. And that my friend, right there, apparently have 9 lives. "One down. I wonder if the last one standing will ever be tied down," Son Wendy said in my ear enough to be heard by the people around us. Laughter filled our table. Kim Jisoo tapping the table as she laughs her ass out. Wendy almost falling from her chair and Bam (his last name is hard to spell, don't make me) holding his stomach as he can't contain his overflowing happiness. I raised my middle finger to them and stared outside. They're my childhood friends including Seulgi who got married today. Wendy and Bam already have family. Before you get the wrong idea of Wendy being straight, they're not together. Wendy's perversion is reserved to her wife, Joy. Then Bam is to Palisa. Each of them have a kid. Cute and overly hyperactive kids. While, Chu is engaged to Australian girl named Park Chaeyoung. Well, Chaeng is Korean but Australian. A Korean who migrated in Australia and now settling in Korea for good. That makes her a Korean again? You do the math. "You're making fun of Lisa?" Joy smacked Wendy's head then turns to me, "But really Lisa, do you have plans?" She continues. That's the cue for making fun of my zero, bland, colorless, boring and helpless love life. I poked Joy's tummy. She's pregnant on their second child. "Hey, kid. You better not be nosy like your parents." I whispered in her tummy. "Hey! We are just concern on your well-being, dumbass." Chu uttered crossing her arms, "You're not a teenager anymore, neither in 20's. You're 30, Lisa! For Pete's sake! You have enough choices still you can't pick one!" I just shrugged my shoulders. "Let's flip this around, I will tell you the best part about being single." I grinned at them. "First," I directly looked at Bam. "I can look horrible when I come home from work and do nothing all evening, and no one can judge me for that," Instantly his face straightened. He might remember how he loves eating with smudge all over his face and just plopping on the couch at the end of the day. "Second, I can buy Ps5 along with aaaall the games I want without explaining a thing." Wendy's eyes widened. Joy asked her to give 100 reasons why she would let Wendy buy the console. "Third, Toilet. Seat. Up. And. NEVER ENDING TOILET PAPER." Seulgi nods with eyes closed. "I will miss that for sur--- oooff!" Irene's slap in the stomach cut her off. "Above all, sleeping diagonally on my king-sized bed." I smiled at Chu who have one, "While I roll... Back... And forth." From her mischievous smile to oh-s**t face. "But you are miserable," Palisa, Joy and Irene in unison. "Burn, baby. Burn." The four idiots in chorus. It's like a boomerang that hit me back straight to my face. I'm the most good-looking and established in our circle, yet, I can't find the right one. As saying goes, you can't have it all. Or I think this would be more appropriate and Adele will agree on this - I'm rolling in the deep. "It's just I can't see myself with them in the long run." "Hahaha, hmmm... Let's see... First! The pre-school teacher." Bam started to recount my ex-girlfriends. ***** "Hi, Baby. Did you eat your lunch already? Sorry I need to attend to the kids first." Nayeon gave me a swift peck and kneeled in front of me as I sit in the kid's swing. "I'm fine, baby. Just waiting for you to finish y9ur classes so we can go out and take you out in a date, " I answered and cupped her face. "Oh God! You're sweating! Come, let me wipe your back, Baby." Nayeon pulled out a towel and a baby powder on her bag. Stood behind me and starts to lift my shirt. "Hey, I'm fine. People will see us, Baby." I abruptly stood and whispered to her. But that doesn't stop my Mom. I mean Nayeon, she continued what she's doing, wiping my sweat, putting lots of powder on my back, and patting me at the back like a kid. I just stood there, waiting for a star stamp from her so I can excitedly show it to Pops when I get home. "There! No more sweat getting on my Baby's back! And! I got snacks for you!" She fed me like a pre-schooler. ***** "Hahaha! She maybe saw you as one of her students, not a girlfriend." Palisa butted. "Nayeon's nice. It's just... She literally treat me like a baby," I answered in my defense. "Ohhh... So you want, to be the 'Daddy'? Wait! That's what the flight attendant calls always you in the middle of the night, right? Second..." Wendy wiggling her eyebrows. ***** "Oh, f**k! Daddy!" Nancy's moans fills up my room as I bang her. I lifted her leg as she ride on my thrusts. We are on our 3rd round and position. I'm already exhausted but Nancy's libido is still high as Burj Khalifa. "Oh s**t, Daddy ahh ffuucc-" She sexily moans as she reached her Nth climax. She snuggled beside me and we dozed off. The next morning, I found a note on my night table. Hey, Daddy. I'll be flying out early to LA. See you in my next stop here in Seoul. - N ***** "She literally brought you to heaven every time she stops here," Chu laughs hard. "You are like a s*x pitstop to her!" Wendy the pervert. I never had breakfast nor dates with Nancy. She's always on-the-go. Like I'm sort of a stop-over to her. Sex is good. But as Post Malone says, it was just a s*x though. And I need more than that. "Hahaha wa-waaait. Third! How about the hot MMA fighter?" Seulgi butted. ***** "Babe, are you sure you want to be my sparring partner?" Tzuyu asked me for the third time. "Yes! Ofcourse! I'm strong, you know! Hercules like." I winked at her and flexed my arms, muscles not visible. "Alright!" Without a warning, Tzuyu puts pressure on my elbow joint, attempting to bend it the way it does not naturally bend. I'm between her knees, enabling her to use her hips intensifying the pressure. "Ouuffff---" I tapped the f*****g floor many times which I learned a lot from wrestling shows then she finally let go of me. It felt like my arm is now dislocated and my soul left me. "Babe, are you ok?" She asked me worriedly. Do you actually have the guts to ask if I'm ok after you almost break half the bones in my body? Which is exactly 103 by the way. "Yeah, I'm fine babe. Another round? I still have a hundred left." I'm refraining myself to cry while I look at Bam who's in the other ring laughing out loud. "You're funny, babe." Guess she doesn't have an idea what I'm counting. Again, without a cue, Tzuyu use her legs to choke me wrapping around my head and arm. "Fuuc---I cannt-- breaaath--" I tapped again and passed out. ***** "She f*****g made you like a rag doll, dude!" Seulgi chuckled, "Bam said you are already blue when she let go of you." "Yeah, she is. I'm actually ready to put a tag on her toe and announce the time of her death. Lalisa Manoban, died by asphyxia by strangulation." Bam snort laughing at me. "It's my fault, ok? I volunteered to be her sparring partner. I thought that she'll go easy on me," I hold my neck remembering that I almost died from that choke. Just when I thought that the tease halted, Chu uttered something that's buried deeply in the graveyard of my past. "Oh, wait. Do you remember the girl, the only girl who dumped Lisa?" Chu looked at each one of us. They started to grin looking at me and simultaneously shouted... "JENNIE KIM!" Oh. s**t.