Sinful Desire

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I departed to South Africa as the new chief of staff which marked the beginning of a long and challenging journey for me and my family. As an experience medical doctor I recognized the professional opportunity that awaited me but It came with a cost of being separated from my beloved wife Elena and my daughter Clara.

Clara was only eleven years old when I left, a young age where a father’s presence is crucial for a child’s emotional and personal development. I gave my farewell to my wife and daughter at the airport, it was a bittersweet moment filled with both Joy and sorrow for indeed I was on my way in making a lot of cash that I have likely never been able to make within the twelve years I have been married to Elena. My job schedule being so tight never gave me the chance to video chat with my daughter and wife rather we could only text each other as the years goes by. After working for six years in South Africa I got a call from the head of all medical doctors in healthcare hospital requesting I return back home to take the position of Max who recently retired. My heart was filled with joy for I am now to see my daughter whose face I have never got the chance to see, I barely could imagine how her face would look like now she is seventeen, I called Elena telling her I would be returning a day from now being Saturday. I could hear how excited she was on the phone. My heart was overwhelmed with joy. At last I am going to be with my family again that I said to myself.

Arriving home from the airport I found my daughter sitting down on the couch pressing her phone while Elena walked towards me, embracing me with so much relief of getting to see me again. She calls out to Clara.

Elena: Clara baby, your father is back.

As I watched her stand up from the couch, I couldn’t help but admire her beauty. Her radiant skin seemed to glow like the sun and her perfectly shaped breasts caught my attention. The allure of her attractive lips made me yearn for them to meet mine. Overwhelmed by my desire, I found myself unable to resist the urge to ask Clara for a hug, longing for the intimate connection of her body pressed against mine. Clara approached me giving me that very hug I desire, while my hand was wrapped around her both I and her felt the sudden growth of my d**k, she steps back a little staring down at my trouser seeing how hard my d**k had become. In her mind I assumed she was thinking I am a pervert. Never have my body reacted the way it did. Quickly I apologize to my very own daughter that she may not think less of me her father.

John: Clara my daughter, am sorry for the awkwardness, I have been away from Elena this long.

Clara: It okay father, you should go in with mom.

I walked my way to Elena who stood still wondering why our daughter stare at the rising part of my trouser. Of course she had felt the growth of my d**k against her body, I still lost in her beauty desired nothing more than to see her nakedness that is covered with the white sleeveless top she was on and her blue short skirt which revealed her thighs. Quickly I snapped out of my head, took Elena by the hand as I pulled her to the room, shutting the door against our daughter, slowly I made love to the woman whom my job have denied me in making love to for six years, while making love with her I desired nothing more than for Clara ears to be pressed against the door listening to the moan of her mother.

Not long after I and Elena have had that perfect s*x, we lay still on the bed staring at each other eyes.

Elena: How much I have missed you. Six years all alone without you was unbearable.

John: I missed you more, I still can’t believe I am home, look at our daughter all big and grown.

Elena: Yeah right she is. Tell me you have been a good boy and haven’t been cheating on me?

John: Hell no!, I barely had time for myself.

Elena: I guess I have to believe you since you returned back home with the need of having me.

Unknown to Elena it wasn’t her presence that had made me all horny but that of my very own daughter, how stupid my body was having find attraction towards that which came out of me, my daughter whom I haven’t seen for six years, now that I have seen her, have I found myself in an inappropriate situation. I closed my eyes shutting my ears with a deep meditation against the voice of Elena for I wished nothing more but to rest, hoping that by the wake of the next day all this awkwardness would end along with the night. As I drifted off into sleep, guilt and shame consumed me. How could I have such thoughts about my own daughter? It was sickening and twisted, and I couldn’t imagine what would happen if anyone found out.

The next morning, I woke up early and decided to go for a walk to clear my head. As I walked down the street, I couldn’t help but feel like a monster. I needed to talk to someone, but who could I confide in about such a taboo and horrifying topic?

As I walked, my thoughts became more and more scattered until I found myself standing in front of a church. It was like a sign from God that I needed to confess my sins and ask for forgiveness.

I walked inside and sat down, waiting for the priest to arrive. When he finally did, I poured out my heart and soul, confessing everything that had happened. I expected him to condemn me or even call the police, but he didn’t. Instead, he listened and offered me guidance and solace.

Though I knew I could never undo what had happened, confessing my sins and asking for forgiveness was a step in the right direction. I left the church with a heavy heart but also a newfound sense of hope and a determination to never let my twisted desires overcome me again.

Getting back home I found my daughter wearing a light transparent top that revealed the shape of her breast. Slowly I walked to join her in the dinning. As I awaits Elena who already was setting up the table for our breakfast. I tried to avert my gaze from my daughter’s revealing outfit but found myself drawn to her. I had never seen her dressed like this before and it made me uncomfortable.

I took a seat at the table and tried to focus on the food in front of me. Elena poured me a cup of coffee and asked if I wanted any eggs or toast.

I murmured a yes and tried not to catch my daughter’s eye. I felt like I was doing something wrong just by being in the same room as her.

As we ate, my daughter chatted away about her day yesterday and her plans for the weekend. I tried to participate in the conversation but found myself getting distracted by her curves and exposed skin.

I couldn’t help but wonder if I was being a bad father by lusting after my own daughter. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t help how I felt.

Eventually, we finished our breakfast and went about our day. But the image of my daughter in that revealing top stayed with me for a long time. I knew I needed to figure out a way to control my thoughts and feelings before they got out of hand.

Elena who noticed my eyes often gazing at the body of our daughter couldn’t help it but to speak out for she couldn’t wrap her thought towards why I look at our daughter more but her less.

Elena: Babe, what is going on?, It’s seems you look at Clara more often than you look at me.

John: You know how long I have been gone, I never got the chance to see our daughter grow up in becoming this beautiful teen.

Elena: Is that why your eyes never seems to gaze at her anytime she sits or walk pass us.

John: Actually, I haven’t spend time with her since I returned, I was actually thinking of what she would think if I request her and I to have a father and daughter time.

Elena: Stop thinking and go ask her, I bet she likewise want to spend time with you.

I stood up from the bed after I had kissed Elena on her forehead, I approached my daughter room seeing her door was slightly opened, I peep through it and find her lying on the bed with her stomach as she types on her smart phone, I slightly open the door to which she barely heard a sound, walked gently closer to her as I behold with my eyes her curved body while being tempted to touch her ass, in a flash I recall walking down to the church, meeting with the priest, I recalled confessing my lustful desire toward my very own daughter. I coughed to quickly get Clara attention before I find my hand doing that which was in appropriate. Clara turns to my direction as she couldn’t believe I stood in her room with my eyes unable to stop looking at her face. Such an adorable face, a beautiful face I have never seen in my forty two years of existence.

Clara: Dad, why are you staring at me like that?, you are creeping me out.

John: Forgive my manners Clara, I saw your door slightly opened so I walked in to have a word with you.

Clara sat up on the bed with an itching ear to hear what I have to say to her, she fixed her eyes on mine as she waits for I to pour out that which brought me into her room.

John: I was thinking (paused) how about you and I go spend father and daughter quality time together tomorrow?

Clara: Well, tomorrow is Monday, I will be going to school, how about we make it later in the evening tomorrow?

John: That’s will be great.

I turned to leave her room quickly for my body was becoming too demanding of her, in my heart I feared it was a bad idea of spending time with her for I barely could hold myself while she lives with me in the house. As I walked out of Clara’s room, I could feel my heart racing with guilt and shame. How could I have such thoughts about my own daughter? I tried to push them aside, but they kept creeping back into my mind.

The next day, I picked Clara up from school and we went to a park. We played catch and had a picnic. As we sat eating sandwiches, Clara asked me a question.

“Dad, is everything okay? You seem distant.”

I forced a smile and replied, “Yes, everything’s fine. I’m just glad we’re spending time together.”

But I knew that I was lying to her and to myself. I couldn’t shake the dark thoughts that had been plaguing me.

After we finished our lunch, Clara wanted to play on the swings. As she swung back and forth, I watched her with a mixture of love and disgust. I didn’t know how to feel or what to do.

Finally, I made a decision. I knew that it was wrong, but I couldn’t help myself. I went over to the swing and pushed her higher and higher. And as I did, I gave in to my desire.

I knew that I had crossed a line that I could never come back from. And I knew that I had to keep this secret buried deep inside me forever.

After spending time with my daughter I drove back home with her in my SUV, I gaze upon her thighs with the need of placing one of my hand on her lap to feel the softness of her skin. Although I barely could understand why she seems to love putting on short skirts that reveals so much of her legs still yet I loved it. On our arrival home I walked straight to the room shutting the door against Elena who seems to have been trying to get my attention when I walked in. I felt sad towards my sudden change of attitude, all she wanted to do was ask about how my day went with Clara, what shall I then say to her?, with such a consuming taste for that which is mine would do no good than tear our family apart. I shut my eyes refusing to open it until a phone call came in. I stretch my hand for my phone in my pocket, pulled it out only to answer the call, it was Doctor Patrick calling.

Doctor Patrick: Good day Doctor John, I hope you have settled well with your family?

John: Yes Patrick I have, I believe you are calling me to come over to the hospital.

Doctor Patrick: Absolutely, since the chief office is still vacant I was instructed to call you to know when you are coming in.

John: Very well then Doctor, I will be at the hospital tomorrow morning.

Doctor Patrick: Sure, that’s a great news, we can’t wait to see you again after being in South Africa for six years.

John: I sure do miss you all, especially the nurses. (Laughs loud)

Doctor Patrick: (giggles a bit) I bet they miss you more. (hangs up the call)

As the phone call ended I couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief and excitement. It was a familiar voice on the other end, my good friend Doctor Patrick. His call served as a welcome distraction from the inappropriate desire I was experiencing at home. In that moment I saw it as a sign from heaven, a way to bury myself in the work and temporarily escape the needs of my body. The prospect of returning to the hospital filled me with anticipation. The mention of the vacant Chief office position reminded me of the responsibility and opportunity to escape my desires towards Clara.

However as I contemplated my eagerness to dive back into work, a pang of guilt tugged at my heart. I realized that I was prioritizing my own needs and desires over the well being of my family, particularly my daughter Clara, ignoring that she haven’t connected with I her father for six years now. Deep down I knew she needed my attention and presence more than ever, especially now she is a teenager. That I chooses not to give for in giving her my attention I fear I would completely loose myself and walk directly into the darkness I have been trying not to enter. While I stayed locked inside the comfort of my room, Elena seems to knock at the door wanting to know why I have shut the door.

Elena: Babe, what seems to be the matter? Please open the door and talk with me.

Hearing her voice, I couldn’t bring down myself in discussing my sudden feelings for Clara for I knew it wasn’t going to be pleasant in her ears, hearing of such words proceeding out of my mouth would only hurt her and make her see less of me. I arose from the bed walk to the door, opening it so she may come in. She gaze at my eyes seeing it is filled with pain and affection, she places her hand on my shoulder with the desire to know what troubles me.

Elena: You know you can always talk to me about anything.

I gave her a faint smile for indeed she was right, I could recall how I have shared everything with her but this time it was different, I couldn’t share that which would end our marriage with her. All I could do was hug her tightly as I weep out my emotions. Elena held me tightly, her arms offering solace and comfort. I could feel her concern and her love enveloping me, but I couldn’t find the words to express what was truly bothering me. Instead, I let my tears speak the emotions I couldn’t articulate.

Elena: Shh, it’s okay. Take your time, love. I’m here for you.

We stood there in each other’s embrace, the weight of my unspoken thoughts lingering in the air. Elena’s unwavering support and understanding made it even harder for me to confront the truth. How could I tell her that I had developed feelings for Clara? The guilt and turmoil consumed me.

Elena: You’re going through something, and I want to help you through it. Please, let me in. We can face it together.

Her words resonated with me, but the fear of hurting her overshadowed any possibility of sharing my conflicted heart. I knew deep down that I had to find a way to resolve my feelings, but I couldn’t bear the thought of breaking Elena’s heart.

I pulled away slightly, gazing into her eyes, still damp with tears. I wanted to convey my gratitude and love for her, even though my heart was torn.

John: Elena, you mean the world to me. I can’t imagine my life without you. It’s just… I’m going through some personal struggles, and I need time to sort things out in my own head. Please trust me when I say that it has nothing to do with you. You’re everything to me, and I don’t want to lose you.

Elena looked at me, her eyes filled with a mixture of concern and confusion. She wanted answers, but she respected my need for space and time. She gently wiped away my tears and gave me a soft, understanding smile.

Elena: I love you, and I trust you. If there’s anything I can do to support you, please let me know. Remember, we’re in this together, no matter what.

Her unwavering support gave me a glimmer of hope, but the weight of my emotions still lingered. I knew I had to find a way to confront my feelings for Clara and make sense of it all, without jeopardizing the love I had with Elena. It was a challenging path ahead.

At exactly 4am in the morning I had awaken from the s****l dream I found myself in with Clara, without uttering a word to Elena who still lay in bed, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, quietly I dressed up for work, opened the entrance door and tiptoe out of my own home like a criminal who invaded my premises. I turned on the engine of my car as I drove down to the hospital to resume work as the new chief of healthcare hospital. Getting to the hospital I found every nurse surprised at my arrival for they expected me to have come in later on that day. I gave them a reassuring look as I stepped into my office. As I entered the office, I notice the surprised expressions on the nurses’ faces, confirming that they were indeed expecting me to arrive later in the day. I could sense a mix of curiosity and uncertainty among them, wondering why I have arrived so early.

Understanding the importance of addressing any potential concerns, I decide to gather the nurses and doctors for a brief meeting. I kindly ask them to join me in a conference room, where I can provide an explanation and put their minds at ease.

Once everyone is assembled, I started the meeting by expressing my appreciation for their hard work and dedication. I acknowledge their surprise at my early arrival and proceed to explain the reason behind it.

I clarify that I have a personal policy of arriving early to familiarize myself with the hospital’s operations and ensure a smooth start to the day. I assure them that my early arrival is not related to any particular incident or situation. I emphasize my commitment to being an approachable and dedicated leader, always available to support the team.

During the meeting, I encourage the nurses to voice any questions or concerns they may have. I listened attentively, addressing each query with empathy and clarity. I emphasize my belief in open communication, teamwork, and providing the best possible care for patients.

To further establish a sense of trust and collaboration, I took the opportunity to introduce myself in more details to the new nurses and doctors who joined the hospital while I was in South Africa. I shared my professional background, experience, and vision for the hospital. I emphasize my commitment to creating a positive work environment where everyone feels valued and supported.

After the meeting, I made an effort to interact with the nursing staff individually, getting to know them on a personal level and understanding their roles and challenges. With that I was able to get Clara off my mind, being in the hospital seems to be a save space not to think of Clara for the sight of her brings out the darkness buried deep inside me, I couldn’t afford to walk into that darkness neither letting it to take full control over me, I felt relax in the midst of other doctor’s whom I watched attending to patients.

Detective Sarah: (interrupted the story feeling disgusted) My goodness, what seems to have come over you that have made you desire your very own daughter?, don’t you know it is against the law?.

Barrister Paul: Detective can you please let him continue his confession so I can leave here and get back to my wife and daughter.

Detective Sarah: Very well then, you may continue.

John: Barrister Paul, you speak of returning to your wife and daughter but I couldn’t return to mine.

Barrister Paul: And why Is that?

John: (looks at the handcuffs on his hand) it was the price I had to pay.

Detective Sarah: The price you had to pay? Are you referring to the consequences of your actions? Please explain further.

John: Yes, Detective. The price I had to pay refers to the consequences I faced for my actions. I understand that what I desired and pursued was against the law, morally reprehensible, and deeply disturbing. The love I felt for my own daughter was twisted and wrong, and I am fully aware of the gravity of my actions.

Barrister Paul: (concerned) John, I am here to defend your rights and ensure a fair trial, but I cannot condone or justify your actions. It is important for the legal system to hold individuals accountable for their crimes.

Detective Sarah: (sternly) Absolutely, Barrister Paul. It is crucial to uphold the law and protect the well-being of innocent individuals, especially children. John, tell me, how did you come to realize the severity of your actions?

John: Detective, it took a series of events and personal reflections to truly understand the extent of my wrongdoing. The love I felt for my daughter was clouding my judgment and leading me down a dark path.