Drummer

14

It has been weeks since Dan left. It was like he disappeared from the face of the Earth. Christmas break was nearing and all I could think about was Dan. It was really confusing.

Becky broke up with me (well I don't count it as a break up since I never even considered her my girlfriend) and she hasn't contacted me since, so I gladly erased her number.

The band are starting drumming auditions today and I was invited to go. I really don't want to but I don't want to look like I'm a mess just because Dan left. It'd be ridiculous. It'd be like I was in love with him or something and that is not the case, I think.

I made it to Joe's place and was greeted by the smell of alcohol and pizza. The guys were over by the kitchen counter and when they saw me they smiled.

"Aww, Philly! You made it!" Chris exclaimed. "Come on in! Have a drink!" He motioned me to go towards them and I smiled.

"I'm fine for now. I had a big breakfast earlier and I'm still full." I lied and Chris nodded.

"No worries! Beers are in the fridge if you care for one. I'm gonna start assembling the guys in the garage." Chris said, standing up and leaving me.

"Phil, you sure you're not hungry, mate?" Joe asked and I nodded for reassurance. "Okay, want to go help set up? Knowing Chris, he'll probably take like four hours trying to ready the drums."

"Heard that!" Chris yelled from far away, making me chuckled.

"You were suppose to hear it, b***h!" Joe yelled back.

"Jerk!" Chris answered and with that the others followed Chris while I just sat back on the couch.

My mind was drifting into thoughts of Dan. Weird. I've been thinking a lot about him lately. Why am I thinking about him? He left after beating me up. I know I should be mad but I'm not. Whatever I did I deserved his anger and rage. I know he felt bad. I heard him.

I sighed and opened my notebook. Maybe this can help me get my mind off of things. I picked up my pencil and I wrote.

Staring into the abyss,

Of nothing.

Looking out to the void yet,

I keep looking something.

I sighed into my cup,

Of emptiness and tears.

I smell something near,

It must be that you appeared.

I don't know what's going on,

Why my mind is playing tricks,

Why my mind keeps saying,

That you make me smile for kicks.

So maybe it's a lie,

Just my imagination.

Yet when I dream,

It's always you in my hallucinations.

I sat there, notebook on my left, as I looked out the window. Realization hitting me in the face, I tried to deny it for it cannot be true.

My mind drifted into the day Dan sat at the piano and sang that song to me because some specific lyrics rang through my head. "I'm in your mind, I'm singing."

He is singing in my mind. I can feel the drum beats in my heart as it pumps blood through my body. I can here his soft voice. La-da, la-da, la-da, la-da, la-da, la-da....

I can't believe it. As I remember his cries for apologies I realize it. All his hurt was directed to me into punches and kicks. I still don't know why he did what he did... But I know that I forgive him. And I hope he knows it.