The monster Under the Man

As a little kid I saw my house as normal because I wasn't allowed to go to friends' houses. Growing up I would look at my mom and see a monster and then look at my dad and see a normal person. I would believe the people lying, when they told me they weren't old drunks. Now when i look at my mom i see that she's a normal person and then i look at my dad and he's the monster in my story now..i blamed the wrong person.I think to myself “how can i fix this,how can i help him?” but then i realize, this thing that's down in him runs in the family,but maybe i could fix him. I tried to fix him to help him but he never wanted my help,it felt like all i was doing was only hurting him more,then..i realized i really wanted to help him i could get him medicine! I tried and tried to get the medicine for him but doctors would tell me “you're too young for this medicine kid.” or “you're not bipolar, you're just a kid”. I never felt like just a kid though i felt like i was more than a kid,i had to grow up fast.i took care of my family when they were too many beers to take care of themselves,i took care of my sister when she got down that line too,she did take care of herself but she did it very poorly.. My dad was like the monster under the bed but he wasn't under the bed..he was real. He wasn't like any of the monsters I've seen in nightmares as a kid,he was worse..it was like living with my nightmares.. You're probably thinking “you're just a kid, you don't know what lifes like for adults”. I may not be an adult but I'm also not a little child who doesn't know what's right or wrong and the way I grew up was wrong.The people around me treated me horribly my friends weren't my friends the people i thought loved me and wanted to help me not hurt only made me hurt worse. I refuse to end up like how my family treated me to my own kid if i have a kid one day,i refuse to not care for my kid..but in the end bipolar an a lot of different kind of hurt runs in the family,it's like god made us to be like this,like he made us be violent and mean,we are humans we aren't supposed to be mean or violent,were just supposed to be people...