Underneath it All

Chapter 2

I hear glass break I see the pain in her eyes. How I wish I could go to her to wipe the tears away. How I long to be near her, but it's not time yet. It pains me to watch that dirty pig do that to her. Who cheats on their wife In their own home? Knowing their wife could be home and knowing she might have to witness the very thing that will break her.

I think she broke every item that belonged to that bastard and that cunt of a babysitter. I watch inside the living room behind a tree in pain knowing she is in pain. But soon enough I will make her tears into laughter and her sorrow into joy. Her heartache into pleasure and her thoughts into thoughts of me.

I hear knocking at the door, but I can't force myself to get up. I have a bottle of vodka in my hand. Well half a bottle of vodka in my hand. I been drinking for however long I been on this floor. I destroyed everything he cared about like he destroyed me. I destroyed all her things too. Like they both destroyed me and my family.

I can't move, but I hear knocking then a key then the door opens to reveal my sister.

"where are the kids?"

"they at my house sleeping. I didn't bring them."

"so why are you here?"

"Nate told me what happened he said he was worried you might hurt yourself again."

laughing a soft laugh I take another swallow of liquor. The only thing that is keeping me from committing a double homicide right now.

"I bet he did tell you what happened. And it's funny your not here to see if I'm ok, but your here to see if I cut myself again. Classic Vicky, you still don't give a s**t but that is alright. See I understand now, the only person who cares about me is me and no one else. It's always been me, myself, and I and it will forever be that way. Oh God I can't stop laughing right now because your the best f*****g sister ever. You came to see if I cut myself. Not to see if I'm f*****g ok because I just caught my husband cheating on me with the damn babysitter!! No! You came to see if I ended it all. Well let me tell you one damn thing I refuse to kill myself over a nigga who don't deserve me! When I have two little awesome kids who love me and need me and you come in here thinking I hurt myself over a nigga who don't have s**t but a b***h who bark on command when he call! Like really Vicky? Really?! You know what you can get out too I don't need your help. I don't need anyone's help. I only have myself and it has always been like that so go run to your controlling d**k of a husband who insecure about himself and bring me my kids while you at it."

Standing there stunned by my words she puts her purse down and heads into the kitchen and grab the broom. "Don't worry about the mess ok. I will clean it up for you. How about you hand me that empty vodka bottle and let's get you into a nice warm bath alright." we go into the bathroom and out of nowhere I just started crying. Like I thought I was all cried out but being in here was just another reminder that I lost my best friend. We built this house together and now he is gone. "I feel so stupid. How could I be so stupid? Why didn't I notice the signs? I mean I knew we had issues, but I thought we could work through those issues and overcome them. Like i wasn't good enough or something? Like he wanted someone younger? What was it Vicky that I did so horrible to deserve what I got? I f*****g loved him and he was my whole world" "I know sweetie, but he didn't deserve you. I think what we women go wrong when we meet a guy and that guy becomes our everything, not realizing that guys don't feel or think how we feel or think. They think only about themselves and what makes them happy. often times we get so wrapped up in someone else that we forget about ourselves and that's the number one rule. Never forget about you and what makes you happy. And if something doesn't bring you happiness everyday then it has to go because life to short and who want their last words or thoughts to be over a nigga who isn't crying over you." I chuckled "look at you being the big sister I knew you could be" "Aw shut up! You know I always will love you and I'm here for you if you need me. I know I haven't always been around but let me try to make it up to you because your my little sister and I love you. Your stuck with me even after death. Now clean yourself up, I'm going to finish cleaning up and head back to the house. In the mean time you get some rest and I will keep the boys for a few more days so you can get yourself together. Even if you have to cry it out for those extra days then you do that. But Ray don't let them win." she is right I can't let them win because I can't afford to lose.

Laying in bed I begin to open my husbands other phone he left behind. I see all the messages between him and rose and I start to understand how much he loved her. It seems like this affair been going on for over a year and not just with her but other women he brought to the house while I was at work. I guess he been praying I never came home early. I bet he wished and prayed I never found out his secret, but i did and reading all these messages I feel disgusted inside. I start to question did he ever love me or was it all a joke? Or was it just to get closer to her?

It's been two weeks since I caught him and he hasn't called to check on the boys or nothing. Is it guilt or pure embarrassment? It could be he feels nothing at all. I'm just tired of crying and pretending everything is fine when I know it's not. My phone ring it's my sister interrupting my thoughts once again.

"Hello to my lovely sister thank you for interrupting my thoughts once again."

"Well hello to you to sister, but you don't need to be thinking you need to get out of that house and go have fun."

"I don't even know what that is anymore."

"sure you do. Listen I'm keeping the boys tonight and I want you to go out and find you someone to help you forget or remember what s*x feels like. You do remember what s*x is right?"

"Hey! I do know what s*x feels and look like ok. It's only been like 6months not that big of a deal".

"oh wow 6months is a pretty big deal. You know what mom use to say, to forget about one man you need to get under another and I strongly suggest you get under or on top of another man quickly."

"Whatever, I bet your ass be drier then Mrs. Campbell cracked lips". "Contrary to your beliefs, I have s*x damn there everyday all day thank you very much. But I'm serious I need for you to get out that house. That's why I sent Rodney over to show you a good night so you can mingle. Maybe you and him both find yall a man." "oh God no. Not Rodney you know he loves to get drunk and go sleep with whatever guy he meets at a bar. Not him anybody else but him."

"Sorry Chica, but he is already on his way so dress to impress talk to later."

I go into my sexy closet and pull out this short satin red dress with the slits on the sides and my black heels. My hair has body wave curls with a light touch of makeup. The doorbell ring and I hope to pass Rodney's test of fashion diva because I really don't want to do this I rather stay in bed eating ice cream, but knowing him he will drag me to the bar with him clothes on or not. I search for my keys, but they seem to be hiding from me. I say f**k it and go to the door. Mr. Fashion diva will just have to sit and wait.

"Hey"

"What do you want?"

"I just want to talk. I know your still upset about everything with Rose, but I swear I never meant to hurt you. Can I please just come in?"

"I think it's best if you say what you need to say out here because I'm going out tonight."

"I was thinking I could come in and we could go upstairs like we use to do."

"Are you serious right now? Nate we haven't had s*x in 6months now you talking about old times. Wow, I think your good out here."

I listened to what I heard all before. How he was done cheating. How he has changed and want his family back. How it's only me and him no one else and how much he loves me. "Stop, just stop because I have just wasted 10 good minutes of my time listening to the same s**t you been saying and the funny thing about it is that you will never change. All lies! Everything you just said was all a bunch of bullshit and you know what Nate I hate you and I want a divorce." "Really, your closet not clean either sweet heart! You think you can take my house my kids your dead wrong. Your my property you do what I say! Now get your ass back in that house and fix me something to eat."

He tries to enter the house, but I block his way. I look into his unfamiliar gaze.

"You know what Nate, you can have this house. I didn't like it much anyway. Afterall, you poisoned it with your nasty little w***e puppets. You can even still see the kids after we go to court for custody. But don't you ever refer to me as your property ever again because I will take everything you own and worked hard for. I will destroy you and your reputation. See I'm no one's property. No one run me but me so I suggest you go back to wherever rat whole you came from and enjoy the rest of your night because I doubt you want me to let your best friend know you f****d his wife and his daughter at the same time. Or would you like for me to send video to your boss of you jacking off in his office. See Nate you forgot who I am so let me remind you. I'm the b***h who helped you become a success when everyone thought you was a loser. I was the one who raised you up when your own parents didn't even look your way and it wasn't because you owned me it was because you was the only family I had left. So now that your done with your bullshit lies and excuses I see you in court my ride is here."

"Do we have any problems?"

"No we good Rodney, Nate was just leaving." with that he drove off and I decided to see what tonight takes me. "Ready sexy mama?"

"Yes, I think I might just be." Maybe Vicky was right. Maybe I let myself enjoy tonight to forget about the battle that is to come.