Chasing Hearts

                                                                                            *** "Can you take a picture of me after the mass?" Aly, the tall, golden brown haired girl sitting beside me asked. I looked at her with his left brow raised. "The mass isn't over yet and you're already thinking about that." I mumbled, almost like a whisper. She giggled then pinched my arm. I can't believe that her long nails made a mark on my skin. I flicked away her hand, acting as if I doesn't want to be touched by her. "Why are you acting like that?" she asked, raising her brow. "Manners, young lady. The mass is on going." I said, instead of answering. The truth is, I didn't want the other girl at the other side of this church to see that Aly is being playful. That jet black haired girl, the girl whom I memorized her back view and all her curves, is intently paying attention at the homily. I wanted to do the same but my thoughts are filled with her. I can't seem to focus and right before I knew it, the mass already ended. People stood and started dispersing to hell I know where. I panicked when I saw the girl I'm looking at earlier is almost at the exit of the church. I immediately grabbed my bag at my side. I can't afford to lose her again this time, not now that I finally have a chance to see and talk with her. I even heard Aly shouting at him to wait for her as I stride my way towards the direction of the girl at the other side. I'm sorry, Aly. I can't lose this chance. It's already 10 in the morning and the sunrays too hot that my sweat started rolling at the side of my temple down to my cheek. "Rye.." without thinking twice, I grabbed her wrist making her face me. She was startled. I caught my breath when I finally had a glimpse at her doe-like eyes. Her face, the lost hair falling at the sides of her cheeks, her soft lips which was once mine. Oh God, I missed her. "Cameron.." Why does my name sounds so beautiful whenever she says it? I came back to my senses when she slowly put down my hand which is holding her wrist. I bitterly smiled when I saw her clutching her bag strap tightly. She smiled. I wish I didn't love her so much that seeing her smiling at me right now hurts so much. She was not glad to see me. That's a f*****g fact she wanted badly to tell me when she smiled. "Let's get this straight to the point, what do you want Cameron?" she glared at me without having the glint of love I used to see right at her eyes. I laughed at that thought. "Did I made you feel you're not loved, baby? Did I made a mistake or anything stupid that's why you're breaking up with me? I am so sorry baby.. I'm sorry.." I tried to reach her hand but she took a step backward. I bit my lower lip too hard that I thought it's bleeding right now. We are surrounded by umpteen people but all I care right now is the sound of my heart breaking and the girl I'm about to lose. "Don't be like this, Cameron.You're embarrassing the s**t out of me" "I don't care, Rye. I just want to take you back. I just want my baby back.." I wanted to punch myself when I heard how broke my voice was. Is this the ending we were suppose to have after that 3 years? I wanted to punch myself, for my shortcomings, for being too complacent that my love is enough and we are doing good. I am mad. I am f*****g mad. "We're done, Cameron. I made it clear over the phone!" "And you expect me to f*****g accept that easily? "Yes! If you really love me, let me go. I don't love you anymore!" Right after she said those words, she turned her back from me then ran. Pathetic. I look and feel pathetic. I didn't know that I could feel this way. My heart feels like bursting and I wanted so bad to vent this feeling inside me. I heavily sighed and aggressively wiped the tears I didn't know I have. Running away from that place is the only option I have, so I did. I ran as fast as I could. And yes, it was a mistake. I didn't know where I am right now. The bustling screeches of the car tires along this massive highway loudly resonates to my ear. Under the vast horizon, I got lost. I freaking got lost. It's almost noon and the weather isn't with me today. Damn, Cameron. Can you be any unlucky today? I suddenly remembered Aly then reached for my phone inside my bag. I was even more frustrated to know that there's no service in this unfamiliar place. How could this be? My fingers can't help but to ran down across my hair. Wandering my eyes along the pavement, I went nearer the railings and rest my elbow at the warm metal. Will sighing deeply is the only thing I can do now? "Cigs?" "s**t!" I cursed at the sudden voice beside me. The veiny hands stretched in front of me holds a lit cigarette. I was too startled to say anything. Wearing a navy long sleeve tshirt, grey shorts, and cap, he surely looks well off. But the fact that he almost gave me a heart attack a while ago is another story. I wanted to be alone and he just ruined my moment. "You look like you're about to jump right now." he mumbled. He sniffed on his cigarette and blow the smoke right in front of my face. I fanned away the smoke and coughed. I don't smoke and I really hate the idea of being a secondhand smoker. I took a step backward making the distance between us wider. Looking around this area, I just want to run not knowing exactly where to go. Well, I actually did earlier. Ran and got lost. With this guy, who looks dangerous than being dumped by the girl I love from 3 years ago. "Do you have someone you love right now?" I asked, out of nowhere. He made a small laugh then turned his body sideways, making him face me while I lean my back on the railings, ignoring the view of the silent water below. "f**k, love. I don't do that thing. It's the scariest feeling." he answered. Now it's my turn to laugh. Why did I even think of that question? In some days, I'll object and tell people that love is the most wonderful feeling you'll ever feel in the world. That it makes thing easier and sweeps all the worries you have in your head. With what happened a couple days ago and earlier at the church, it scares me to admit that my perspective of love has been stained. I had my best times with her and I can't accept the fact that she will be now a memory of a bad day. My friends will curse me if they will find out that I still wanted to crawl in her arms and hug her tight. That I still want to talk to her despite the pain she inflicted. That I don't want us to end just like that. That I still love her and want her back. "There's this girl I really love. She dumped me again at the church and here I am, looking like a fool in a place I'm not even familiar." I don't normally talk about my problems but right at this moment, I wanted to silence the thoughts playing in my head. He doesn't even know me which makes me confident to share what has been hurting me. "I told you, love sucks and so do you. Why don't you just come and drink with me? I know a place." Without having second thought, I nodded my head for approval. I went with a stranger whom I just known a while ago.