DEAR HUSBAND

ANDREA’S POV – AISLE OF LONELINESS “This marriage won't take place.” The voice-calm, hoarse, final– echoed in my ears, sending chill waves down my little spine. Yes. I knew it would happen. Hell was finally here. And definitely we were all going to burn in it. From the priest, to every single soul who was present to support this union. ************* No! Not today. Of all days, it shouldn't be the most important day of my life. “Get a hold of yourself, Andrea– be calm,” I gritted under my teeth, taking sharp breaths – an attempt to calm my nerves. It was the happiest day of my life but yet, I still felt it – an overwhelming emptiness. A dark space encircled me and I was drowning in it. I clenched tightly to the fabric of my gown like it could anchor me, like it would save me from drowning in my emotions. This was the life I chose, the life I wanted, the life I left everything behind for, so why was I feeling this way? Why the sudden uncertainty? I was nervous, I knew I was. Definitely– I had to be. It wasn't everyday you get to walk down the aisle, but I wasn't acting up because I was nervous. This feeling was beyond nerves. I wasn't getting the jitters because it was my first time. It wasn't anxiety – It was loneliness. I was alone. I chose this life alone so I was going to walk into it alone. “Andrea, once your feet leave that door, consider yourself a stranger to me and this household”, his hoarse voice echoed in my head and I shut my eyes close to the impact. I shut my mind to the pain it came with. I thought he was kidding when he made this statement, because what man would cut ties with his only child because she was chasing her happiness? Unfortunately, that man was my father. His ego. His pride. It would always mean more than I would to him. The soft melody of the orchestra played behind the heavy doors I stood– a signal of the new life that awaited me. But my only focus was the darkness that filled the vital area in my chest. Every girl's dream is to have their father walk them down the aisle but my reality was to walk alone. “Deep breaths, Andrea,” I reminded myself, trying really hard to suppress the tears filling up in my eyelids. I wasn't going to ruin my mascara before I had the chance to show it to the world. My lips pressed against each other in a firm line. Finally, the door flung open. Swallowing hard on nothing, I gripped the bouquet of white lilies to ease my panic like it was a lifeline. As I stepped forward, all eyes faced my direction. My heart threatened to leave my chest through my mouth, but I maintained my composure. My gaze fixed on my only destination– the altar. “She's so pretty– perfectly divine,” I heard a whisper on my right and a small blush crept its way to my face. “Doesn't she have a family?” An unwelcoming,cruel whisper made its way to my ears and I almost shrank. They noticed. Everybody had noticed. No father to walk me down the aisle. The empty seat meant for my family only signified one thing– I was alone. The loneliness that clouded my existence. I had promised myself to be strong but I was breaking. Again– my lips formed a thin line. I clenched my bouquet tighter with an attempt to subside the tension, but to no avail. I just couldn't help it – I tilted my head to the direction of the empty seats, towards the absence that felt like a fresh wound. A sharp pain pierced my heart and my knees became wobbly. For a brief moment, I paused. Unwelcomed, confused murmurs filled the walls of my ears. “No bride should have to walk down the aisle alone.” Another cruel whisper. One that reminded me of my isolation. But then my eyes found his. Felix. His piercing gray eyes locked onto mine, comforting and sending signals of reassurance. The moment my eyes met his, everything else faded away. Nothing mattered. The side talks, whispers, loneliness, feeling of abandonment. None mattered. Gathering every ounce of courage, I once lost. My shoulder straightened with elegance and grace, I continued my walking – my steps radiating a different aura of confidence. His bright smile – my anchor. Finally, I was at the altar – the heavy burden engulfing my heart dropped. I knew I was exactly where I was meant to be. As everyone took their seats, Felix leaned in with the excuse of assisting me. His breath warm against my ears. “You look more stunning than I ever imagined, Mrs. Rowland.” A playful smirk tugged my lips. “You don't look so bad yourself, Mr. Rowland.” Hearing him address me by his last name sent butterflies fluttering through my stomach, and I savoured this moment. The priest commenced the ceremony, his voice steady and reverent. “We are gathered here today in the presence of God– the father, son and holy Spirit, to join these two in holy matrimony.” I could barely hear him. He was audible enough, but I wasn't listening. I was lost– lost in the eyes of my lover, my world, my soulmate. His gray eyes feeding from the stare he glanced at me. The priest recited scriptures, led prayers to which the congregation responded to but my mind was elsewhere. All I wanted was Felix’s last name conjoined to mine and I was losing my patience. “Do you Mr. Felix Rowland, take Miss. Andrea Howell to be your lawfully wedded wife from this day forward, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish till death do you part?” He questioned the normal wedding vows. “I do,” Felix declared without hesitation. His gaze never left mine. A warmth spread through me, melting away every lingering sorrow and for the first time in forever, I felt truly loved– truly wanted. Then the priest turned to me. My moment of truth was finally here. “Do you Miss. Andrea Howell, take Mr. Felix Rowland to be your lawfully wedded husband from this day forward, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish till death do you part?” “I–I…” I opened my mouth, but the words cut through my throat. My eyes scanned through the crowd, lurking to behold the sight of a familiar face. At least, one supportive face from my past. The empty seats stared back at me in mockery. It was then reality buzzed in. My dad had made a choice. He picked his ego over his love. I was dead to him just like my mom. He didn't want to be a part of my life again and I respected it but didn't he ever dream of watching his daughter take her vows? I felt the immense gaze of everyone expecting an answer. I swallowed hard and turned back to Felix. His grey eyes reading my expressions, studying my countenance. Then, he gave the smallest nod– a silent reassurance and I knew exactly what it meant. Even without words, he still knew what to say. The priest repeated his question. I inhaled deeply, steadying myself. “I do.” I watched Felix’s face lit up and I let out a mild chuckle. The crowd roared with applause. We exchanged rings and the moment it slid into my finger, I felt it. It was a bond, an unbreakable connection, one destined by God. I glanced down to the precious stone which was worth a fortune placed in my finger. “It's beautiful…I love it,” I murmured, tracing its surface. “You are worth more,” Felix cut through. I could feel his intense and unwavering gaze burning my cheeks. “If anyone here knows of any just cause why these two may not lawfully be joined together in matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.” The priest inquired– his words hung in the air. Silence. A heavy one engraved the room. Everyone stared at each other expecting an objection from anybody but no single soul raised one. I was relaxed, relief washing over me. Until. “In the absence of this, I now pronounce you Mr. Felix Rowland, Miss Andrea Howell– Man and…” “This marriage won't take place.” A calm yet hoarse voice echoed from the entrance. The entire room faced the direction where the commanding tone came from. My heart sank. The expression of Felix darkened with confusion. My skin grazed with bumps and a cold sweat broke across my forehead. I wasn't confused. I knew the devil was here, and he brought his fleet of demons with him. I was terrified.