Whispers In Shadows

06

I suddenly felt hot and I sweat even though the air-conditioning is open and on sixteen digress. Pakiramdam ko ay lalagnatin ako sa init na nararamdaman ko sa katawan.

I touched my neck to wipe my sweat away.

"Gosh, Alexa! Binuhat ka lang, ang exaggerated mo rin!" I told to myself.

Kanina pa nakaalis si Dashiel at mag-isa na lamang ako sa kwarto, habang dinadamdam parin ang pag buhat nito sa akin kanina.

"Baliw ka, Alexandria! Pag nalaman ni Dan na ganito ka ka-overreacting dahil sa maliit na bagay na ginawa ng kuya nya, siguradong hindi ka tatantanan noon sa pang-aasar habang buhay." I told myself again, trying to convince myself that what I am feeling is wrong; that even thinking of it should not be entertained.

Dashiel Zyron Dela Torre. I know I haven't admitted it to anyone and am still trying to deny it to myself, but he's been on my head since the day I laid an eye on him. My young heart learned to have a little affection towards someone who isn't close to me.

For the first time, I had a crush.

I breathed deeply, reminiscing the first day I met him.

I was still in grade school back then when I was introduced to them, him and his siblings, Dan and Dionne.

I was so happy meeting new friends until I tried talking to him; I felt rejected at first.

"What are you reading?" My young self asked him. He was sitting alone in the garden of their house, away from where his siblings and I were playing.

"Books," he answered, not removing his eyes from his book.

I arched my brow and crossed my arms to my chest. "I know, I can do it," I said. "What I am asking is, what that book is about that you seem so engrossed in?" I then asked.

He looked at me with a straight face, I arched my brow more. "It's about science," he answered.

"Why are you reading books like that? Are you a nerd?" I asked.

He closed his book and stood; he was holding his book with his left hand while he put his right inside his jean's pocket. "What's wrong with being a nerd?"

"Other kids hate them and they are losers," I answered.

And for the first time since I met him, I saw how his lips curved upwards. "There's nothing wrong with being a nerd; on studying well. What's wrong is, kids like you think highly of yourselves that you tend to bully because someone is different from you," he said.

"I'm not bullying anyone!" I corrected him.

His smirk grew wider. "Soon, you'll be... and I hate it already," he said before leaving me with my mouth hanging open.

And from then on, he avoided me. He became more distant than he already was. Everytime I'm around, he will hide and when in a place that he can't leave, he makes sure he won't even glance at me, talk to me.

He treats me like I don't exist in his world, like I was someone he won't even bother to look at.

But maybe, I was really my mother's daughter, because as he shows how much he dislikes me, the more I crave for his attention; the more I worked just so he would notice me.

I tried catching his attention until I realized that having this little crush on him will lead to nothing, my feelings may progress but never his. For him, I will always be that spoiled and bully little kid he hates.

Although, it was already too late for me to not like him, for my feelings to not get deeper because it already is. Despite this, I still tried to not like him. I tried not liking him more than I should, I tried liking someone else but I failed.

I know I only lie to myself when I try to like someone who isn't him, because for some reason, I can't forget him. I cannot like someone the way I like him.

I may be too young to be serious, but I am certain that I will never like any other guy the way I am liking him.

For me, no one is like him.

"Calm yourself, Alexa. Always remind yourself that he hates you and he will never see you more than that little kid. Stop being delusional," I told myself for the last time before dismissing the thought.

Sighing, I choose to divert my attention through logging in to my social media accounts. I first checked my i********:; I scrolled a bit but nothing got me interested so I closed it.

I then opened my f*******: which I realized I should have not done.

"Bullshit," I murmured as I read some posts pertaining to me.

I was the hot topic in our school's group page. They were gossiping about what happened to me and it's the powerpuff girls who started it.

Most were laughing at me, saying I'm some loser thinking so highly of myself but like the others, I failed terribly. That I was wrong for messing with Harriet.

Wow. They really think she's some kind of 'highly' person, eh?

I wanted to laugh at their opinion about me but before I could even make something I might regret. Instead, I chose to just close the application and re-divert my attention to something else.

I reached for my bag and took out my sketch pad, another thing that I inherited from my mom: her talent to draw.

Papa Ae once showed me my mom's collection of my biological father's paintings; mom had at least hundreds of them. She painted my father's face with different reactions and expressions.

This is how obsessed your mother is with your father. Papa Ae told me while showing the collection. I just shook my head on that remark and didn't comment.

I started stroking my pen on the paper without a concrete idea of what to draw but as it progressed, a figure slowly showed.

Dashiel.

I immediately stopped and breathed.

"This is a bad idea," I said, shaking my head.

In the end, I stopped doing it and just turned on the television, hoping it will finally distract me.

It was, successfully.

I browsed through different channels until I found one that airs classic movies. For a while, I forgot the issues that were bothering me.

"Hey! Why are you here?" Dionne went into my room so suddenly.

I arched my brow. "What now, D?" I then asked.

"Why are you staying here? You're supposed to be in my room!" She said, irritated.

I rolled my eyes. "How am I supposed to climb the stairs?" I asked.

"Oh," she said, realizing it makes sense. "I want you to be in my room."

"You're so clingy," I commented, crossing my arms to my chest.

Dionne pouted. "I'm not being clingy, I just want you to sleep with me." She said.

I arched my brow again. "That's gross," I kidd.

And this girl just widened her eyes, shocked from what she heard from me.

I mentally shook my head.

Very gullible and simple minded.

"You're being mean to me again," she said, pouting again. "Stop hanging out with Dan, you're adopting his behavior."

I laughed at what she said, she really thinks bad of her brother. "I'm not here for slumber, I was grounded and sent here so I can be watched," I said. "And look at my disposition, do you think I can do our usual?" I said.

She sighed.

What a kid.

"Can I sleep here, then?" She asked pleadingly, she even has this puppy look.

I creased my brow. "Am I your mom? You're so clingy, Ylona Dionne," I said instead, meant to tease her.

"And you're so masungit, Maria Alexandria!" She fought back.

I laugh again as she glares at me; so childish.

Dionne, she's the first person who accepted me when no one wanted me.

I didn't comment on that and she takes that as my approval. She immediately jumped on my bed and lay beside me as we watched the movie.

"I'm hungry, can you bring me some food?" I asked her, she's been in my room for an hour already. She didn't even change her clothes before going here.

She put down her phone and stood. "I think the dinner's ready. Want me to call Dan or Kuya Dashiel to help you get to your wheelchair?" She asked.

I immediately shook my head. "No! I mean, you don't have to. Just please ask someone to bring my dinner here," I said.

She stared at me confusedly. "Is that really hard for you to move?" She asked again.

I nodded. "Yeah. So, please, have my dinner delivered here instead," I plead.

She shrugged. "Okay. I'll ask one of the ates to bring your food," she said before leaving my room.

I sighed.

After what happened earlier-though I know it was only me who thinks that something happened-I don't know if I can still face Dashiel the same way.

I know I would always feel tense around him, worse, I might freak out. Baka malaman n'ya pa ng wala sa oras ang maramdaman ko.

But luck wasn't really on my side, because minutes after D went out of my room, Dashiel came in with a tray of food in his hand.

God.

"Ugh. Bakit ikaw ang may dala n'yan?" I asked, thankful that I didn't stutter.

"Sino ba dapat?" He asked instead, shrugging as he leaned on my door, the tray of food still in his hand.

"One of your househelps?" I said. "D told me that she'll ask one of them to bring me my food," I added.

He walked closer and put the tray on the night stand beside my bed.

"They are busy," he said as he pulled a chair and sat there.

"I see," I said, nodding, trying to calm down because I'm starting to freak out inside. "I'm sorry." I added.

Goodness, Alexandria! Para ka namang elementary na first time magka-crush!

"Why are you sorry?" He asked, brow arched.

"Because I disturb you by making you bring it here? I know how you value your time and you don't waste time on unimportant things," I answered.

The side of the lips curved upwards. "Why is this a disturbance?" He said. "Unimportant?"

Cluelessly, I creased my brows. "Huh?"

But instead of answering, he handed me my food. "Can you eat? Want me to help you?" He then asked.

Abruptly, I shook my head. "No. I... I can manage," I answered, grabbing on the utensil before he can hold it.

I looked at him, waiting for him to leave but he didn't move. He stayed seated beside me, watching me with his brow still arching.

"Hmm... Won't you leave yet?" I asked, uncomfortable by the way he stared at me.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" He asked.

I nodded as an answer.

Ano ba naman kasi ang nangyayari? Why he's acting like this all of a sudden.

He smiled and I couldn't help but stare at him.

Dashiel freaking Dela Torre smiled!

"I'll leave then," he said and stood. He walks until the door but before he finally leaves, he turns to look at me again. "Eat well, Dri." He added before closing the door, leaving me with my mouth hanging open and a heart beating wildly.

Dri.

He calls me Dri. It's been a decade since he called me by that nickname.

Gosh. I can't breathe.