Dating an Idol

Three: BROKEN PROMISES

My heartbeat doubled the instant I saw Mael step out of the room. He was all smiles so I presumed that everything went well with his audition.

He ran towards me and to my surprise, he instantly pulled me in a strong embrace. He was sweating and his breathing was ragged.

"How was it?" I asked.

"I think they like me!" he exclaimed.

"I knew it!" I am so happy for him.

He pulled away from me. "Are you ready?" he asked while firmly holding both of my shoulders.

"I dunno.. I'm… I'm scared!" I said.

"That's okay, that's okay." He tightened his grip on my shoulders. "But use that fear to bring out the fire in you, okay? You can do it. You're good, Yuri. Believe me. You can do this!"

"Yes, of course! I can do this! I can do this!" I said, more to myself than to him.

"Yes, that's the spirit!" He patted my hair. "You can do this! We have to make it together, okay? We're flying to Korea together!"

I fervently nodded.

"Good. Good," he said.

"Number 15!" I heard one of the staff called out.

"That's me!" I said to Mael.

"Yup, that's you. Now go and show them what you got!" he said as he gently pushed me towards the audition room.

I found myself standing in front of the scrutinizing eyes of the panel of judges the next instant. Standing in the middle of the room, with everyone's eyes fixed on me, made me feel so small. So irrelevant.

I fought back the urge of running out of the room.

All members of Crest 88 were smiling at me, except for Skye. He was practically glaring at me the moment I stepped inside the room.

"Yuri Baek. Baek Yuri," said one of the Korean judges. "Are you Korean?"

"Yes. Half Korean, half Filipino," I answered in a shaky voice.

"Have you been to Korea?" he asked again.

"I was born in Korea. We just moved here recently," I said.

"Ohhhh. She was actually a trainee back in Korea," said another judge while scanning through my portfolio.

"Yes, I was," I said.

I couldn't bring myself to look at Skye. Even with my peripheral vision, I could see that he's still glaring at me. If looks could kill, I'd be dead right now.

"So why did you quit?" Dal, one of the members of Crest 88, asked.

"Uhmm.. Because…" I scanned my brain for the right words to say. "B-because I lost hope. I felt that… that it's time for me to give up on my dreams. T-that… that I wasn't really meant to become a professional performer."

"So why are you here?" Skye butted in in a rather hostile tone.

My heartbeat became even more erratic. I had no choice but to look him in the eyes. He was basically glowering at me. Holding his piercing gaze doubled the tension that I felt.

"I-I'm… I'm sorry?" I asked in an unsteady voice. I heard what he said. I just needed some time to process it.

"If you have decided to give up on your dreams, then why are you here?" he repeated in the same manner.

"B-because I… I realized that… that I can't give up on the dreams I built for years that easily. That I should fight for it," I said.

"Fight for it. That's interesting," he said in a rather sarcastic tone. "But what exactly made you change your mind?" he continued asking in an interrogating voice.

His eyes danced with so much emotion. And seeing him that way pains me. I want to approach him. I want to hug him.

"What made you realize that your dreams are actually worth fighting for?" he asked again before I could even answer.

"Hey, bro, easy. You're scaring her," Eun, another Crest 88 member, butted in, giving Skye a nudge on the elbow.

Then Eun turned to me and asked. "So what did you prepare for us, Yuri?"

"Uhmmm…" I had to swallow hard first to get rid of the imaginary lump in my throat before I spoke again. "I'm going to sing and dance to Hwa Sa's 'Maria'," I said, relieved that he practically saved me from Skye.

"Song and dance cover. Cool. Let's hear it then. Good luck!" said Eun.

One of the staff came up to me with a lapel mic.

"Relax," she said as she noticed that my hands were shaking as she helped me secure the mic.

And as I heard the first few notes of the song, I closed my eyes and tried to imagine myself in an empty room. I let the melody take over my whole being as my body instinctively moved to the beat of the sound.

This is it! I'm gonna give my all for this performance.

[FLASHBACK]

Setting: Seoul, Korea

POV: More than two years ago…

I paused the show I was watching on Netflix, got up from the floor, dusted off the chips from the sweatshirt and sweatpants I was wearing, then went to open the door. Somebody's ringing the doorbell outside.

I opened the door of our apartment unit and was surprised to see Skye outside.

I tried to close the door on him but he was quick to stop it with just one hand.

I went inside the apartment. He followed.

Yes, we no longer live in that big house Skye and I had practically grown up in. They moved out of the house when we were in Junior High.

And just recently, my dad and mom got a divorce. They made me choose between the two of them. I chose my mom and decided to move out of the big house with her. We then rented a one-room apartment.

"Why aren't you picking up my calls?" he asked as he followed me inside the apartment.

I ignored him, slumped on the couch, picked up the remote control, and played the TV again.

He followed me there, shoved some empty bags of chips out of the couch, sat down beside me, and took the remote control from my hand to pause the TV.

"Why are you no longer attending training?" he asked.

"What are you doing here? I thought you're busy preparing for your debut?" I tried to grab the remote control from him but he quickly dodge my hand.

"Don't tell me you're quitting now?" He was mad. It was written all over his face.

I didn't answer. I picked up the open bag of chips from the center table, took a handful from it and shoved it in my mouth.

He grabbed the bag of chips from me and put it away.

"Really? You're actually thinking of quitting now?" he asked again.

"Yes, I am! I am quitting! I don't wanna do it anymore! " I snapped at him.

For a moment, he didn't say anything. He just stared at me in disbelief. I saw his jaw moved.

"Are you hearing yourself right now?" He scowled at me.

"Yes, I know what I just said. I'm quitting, Skye! I don't wanna do it anymore!"

I used to call him by his real name but he started using 'Skye' as his English name when we started training. So somehow, I got used to calling him that, too, since that's what everyone calls him now.

"Are you mad that I got to debut first? Do you want me to quit? Just tell me, Yuri. Are you coming back if I quit?" No, he doesn't sound sarcastic. He actually looked serious.

"What are you talking about? This is not about you! This is about me." I started crying. I just couldn't help it. "What kind of friend do you think I am? I am truly happy that you finally get to debut and you should know that! How dare you accuse me of getting jealous just because you get to debut first!"

"But what's the point of me having to debut if you are going to quit? We have started this journey together, Yuri. You can't quit now. We're almost there!"

"I can't," I said as I dried my own tears with the back of my hand.

"What do you mean you can't?"

"I'm tired, Skye," I sobbed. "I feel so, so tired. I don't think I can do it anymore!"

"But this is your dream. This was your dream originally," he said. "You can't quit now. Please don't do this." He sounded calmer now.

"I dunno. Maybe they are right," I said. "Maybe this is not really meant for me. Maybe I am chasing the wrong dream. Maybe I was meant for something else."

"But they always say that during auditions. They would always make you feel like you're the worst performer they have ever seen," he answered. "How many auditions did I flunk before I got in? Huh? C'mon, Yuri. You'll have your chance soon. Please don't quit. Not now."

Silence.

"I might actually move to the Philippines with my mom," I said after a few minutes of awkward silence.

"What?"

"My mom's planning to go back to the Philippines. The divorce is making her depressed. She said she wanted to go back home," I explained.

"And you're coming with her?"

"I dunno, I'm still confused. She's actually leaving next month so I might… I might just follow her there."

"So you're leaving me now?" The pain in his voice broke my heart.

I didn't answer. I couldn't even look him in the eyes.

"You're actually leaving me now?" he repeated.

I still couldn't answer him.

That's when his phone started ringing. It's his agency. They're looking for him.

"You should go," I said after he hung up the call.

"Please don't leave me," he begged.

"Let's talk some other time, okay? I know you're busy."

"But promise me first that you won't leave me."

"Please, Skye. Not now. Let's talk some other time. You have to go."

"No, I won't go until you promise me that you won't leave me." He looked serious. I know how stubborn he could be sometimes.

His phone started ringing again but he's not taking the call this time.

"You must go now. They're looking for you," I said.

"You have to promise me first."

"Skye, please…"

"You have to promise me first!"

"Okay, okay! I won't. Now go."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Yes, I promised him that I won't leave him. But a few months after, I followed my mom to the Philippines without telling him beforehand.

I failed him bigtime.