Dating an Idol

My heart was practically pounding against my chest, making it harder for me to breathe normally. I had to let out big sighs every now and then to calm myself. Which, sadly, isn't working. "Hey, relax," I heard Mael whisper. I looked at him. He looked surprisingly composed. "I… I don't think I can do this," I whispered back in frustration. He just smirked at me. "I'm serious," I said. "Nah, of course, you're not," he said. Of course, I am! My heartbeat was getting more and more erratic that I'm scared I will be having a heart attack any minute now! My palms were sweaty; there were butterflies inside my stomach that I felt like throwing up; my legs were wobbly… of course, I am serious! But he doesn't seem to believe me. "I am serious. I don't think I can do this," I said, trying to choke back tears. I felt like crying but I don't want to create a scene and distract everyone. Everyone around me looked busy. Some looked nervous, too, but not as nervous as I am. Or so it seems, at least. "Of course, you can. You've worked hard for this. Two years, Yuri. Two years. You can't just let two years of training go down the drain. You have to do this, alright? And believe me, you can!" Mael said, giving me a reassuring smile. I pulled out one deep breath out of my chest in a dire attempt to calm myself down. And nope, it still doesn't work. "It's not that this is your first time to do this," he added. Exactly! The fact that this is not the first time that I am doing this makes me even more nervous. Everything felt like dejá vu. The anticipation. Then the rejection. It has been more than two years already but I can still remember everything like it only happened yesterday. "I'm sorry but I don't think you're meant to do this. You can dance, yes. You can sing, too. You have the looks, too. But you just don't have that X factor that we're looking for in an idol." Those words were etched in my mind like some nightmare. I shook my head to drive away unpleasant memories from the past. More than two years ago, my childhood dream of becoming an idol was killed by those painful lines. It crushed me into pieces. I have decided to forget about that dream. It was hard and painful but I have decided to move forward with life. But then I met Mael. He made me pursue that dream again of becoming a professional performer. So here I am. But those painful rejections in the past were haunting me now. They're telling me that I will mess up again in the audition. And that I won't make the cut again. Because I was not meant to do this. "Stop overthinking!" Mael said, nudging me in the arms. He's taller than me even with my height of 5 feet and 5 inches. "You just need to enjoy the performance. Like you always do," he added. Yes, I have always enjoyed performing. This has been my dream ever since. I have always wanted to do this. And yes, he's right! I shouldn't be giving up on that dream that easily. I will give it another try! And this time, I'm gonna make it. Yes, I am going to make it this time! I am going to make it! Fighting! As if reading my thoughts, he ruffled my hair and gave me a reassuring smile. "Hey, Mael! Are you ready?" asked Doreen. It looked like she's on her way to the bathroom when she noticed us. I mean him. It seemed like she's completely ignoring me again. As she always does. She's a co-trainee and she has this huge crush on him. She must be jealous that I'm closer to him, that's why she was never nice to me. "Yup, I think I am," Mael said to her. "Don't worry, you're gonna do good. Like you always do," she said. "Thanks. You're gonna do good, too," he replied. "Thank you. I am actually a bit nervous because I heard that we are having surprise judges for the audition," she added. "We have guests? Like from Korea?" he asked. "Apparently, yes." "Like some Korean celebrities? An idol group?" "That, I don't know." "Ohhhh." He looked like he was starting to drift into deep thoughts. He must be making some wild guesses in his mind already. "I better go ahead now. I need to fix my make up," Doreen said. "Yeah, yeah. Sure, go ahead," he answered. "Thanks for the info." "No biggie. Good luck on the audition!" she said as she started to walk away. "Thanks! Good luck to you, too!" he answered before he looked at me. "Did you hear that?" He suddenly looked even more excited. His eyes were glistening with so much enthusiasm that I'm starting to feel jealous. I wish I could be as excited as him. Why do I feel like I am going to face an execution rather than an audition? "Do you think we're having a Korean idol as a guest judge?" He was beaming with so much excitement. "I don't know. I don't even wanna think about it. That's making me even more nervous," I said. Just the thought of having any of the idols I stan watch me perform is giving me goosebumps already. The last thing I wanted to happen is to get starstrucked and mess up my performance big time! But I couldn't help but get curious, too, about who the guests were. A sudden realization dawned on me. Could it be? Nah, nah. Impossible. I dismissed my own thoughts. It couldn't be. Of course, it couldn't be Crest 88. They must be too busy to do this. Although the boy group debuted just recently, they're making a huge wave in the KPop scene already. They must be too busy to fly here in the Philippines for this audition. Yes, we are in the Philippines. But we are training under a Korean entertainment company. And once we pass the audition, we are to join the other trainees in Korea. And hopefully, debut, too. "OMG! Crest 88 is here!" I heard one of the girl trainees scream. And everybody started shrieking after her. My heart skipped a beat when I saw the cause of the sudden commotion. Making their way towards where I stood is probably the most popular rookie group in the hallyu right now. All five members of them! They were being assisted by the staff. My eyes were automatically fixed on that familiar face. Too familiar, in fact, that I can even tell how many moles he has on that face beneath that masculine makeup. He was busy smiling and waving at the shrieking trainees as they made their way towards the room where the audition was about to happen. And for them to reach that room, they have to pass right in front of me. My whole body froze. My heart was in my throat as I watched them walk towards where I stood. Closer… closer… And no, it wasn't just getting starstruck. It was so much more. The whole place was in a complete chaos. The trainees, especially the girls, were almost hysterical. The staff were busy pacifying everyone while trying to protect the members who surprisingly remained composed amidst the commotion. They must be used to it already. But I was oblivious of the chaos. My attention was fixed on him. It may even sound cliché but I feel like the whole world's going in slow motion. He was busy waving and smiling to everyone that he didn't notice me. Or so I thought. Because I suddenly found myself gazing right into his eyes. He just saw me! I saw him freeze. The smile on his face slowly faded away. He was as shocked as I am. He held my gaze for a few seconds before a staff nudged him to keep on walking. It felt like the room had suddenly shrunk smaller as he walked right in front of me. I couldn't breathe. I never knew seeing someone you missed for so long can hurt this bad. Yes, I know him. I have known Skye ever since I was a kid. We practically grew up together. We dreamed together, too. He made it. I didn't.