Dating an Idol

Nineteen: WHAT'S YOUR DREAM?

"Are you going home now?" asked Jin Ae, a co-worker at the coffee shop I worked at.

"Yup, I am," I replied as I smiled at her.

"Take care on your way home."

"You, too," I said before I left the café.

I was lucky to land another part-time job a couple of days after I started working at the convenience store. But I need to find at least one more part-time job to be able to afford to rent a room somewhere. Though I have a feeling that Skye wouldn't allow me to leave his place unless I started training.

But still, I want to move out of the condo unit before someone finds out that a random girl was staying at Skye's place . I don't want to put him in trouble.

I had just stepped outside when I felt my phone vibrate. I took it out from my jacket's pocket.

It was Mael.

"Hello?" I said as I answered his call.

"What are you doing," he asked.

"I just came out from the coffee shop I worked at. How about you?"

"Arghhh, I suddenly miss Jumpin' Beans. I miss the smell of coffee," he said.

"Are you getting homesick already?" I was heading to the nearest bus stop.

"Yeah, sort of. I miss working at the coffee shop, I miss the Philippines, I miss the isaw at our favorite barbecue place, I even miss the traffic. Am I getting crazy?" He sounded sad.

"Nope. That's normal. I've been in the Philippines for just two years but I miss it, too. So I perfectly understand what you're going through right now."

"I miss you, too," he said all of a sudden.

I was taken aback, I couldn't reply right away.

"I mean I miss hanging out with you. We haven't seen each other since I started training," he continued.

"Oh. Y-yeah, of course, I miss you, too," I said. "It's too bad you weren't able to come with us. Gianna had a quick break and we had tteokbokki together."

"Yeah, I saw her post on i********:. I really wish I can join you but sadly, we're not allowed to leave the dorm unless we're training. We're getting ready for the idol survival reality show right now."

I reached the bus stop and took a seat. There was no one there but me.

"Are you still nervous about the show?" I asked.

"More than you know. I don't really know if I am getting homesick or was just nervous about the show. That's why I tend to think a lot about home these days," he said.

"Must be both," I replied. "Don't worry, that's normal. I'm pretty sure you're not the only one who feels that way. But you know what? I'm not really worried. I know you are stronger than all of those emotions combined. I know you, you tend to use all of these to your advantage." That was true. Mael is such a strong person, I know he will do well.

"Why did hearing those words from you have a different impact? It automatically made me feel better."

I smiled. "I'm glad to know that. Don't forget that Gianna and I are here for you. You're not going through this alone."

"I know. I know. Thank you." He sounded more cheerful now. "I think I need to go now. Our mentor's here."

"Sure, go ahead. Enjoy, okay?" I said.

"Don't worry, I will. Take care on your way home. Bye."

"Bye."

And the line went dead.

I put my phone back in my pocket when I noticed that the electronic ad at my back suddenly changed into Crest 88. My eyes automatically fixed on Skye's face.

I smiled without realizing it as I remember a past conversation I had with Skye when we're still training together.

I was crying that time because I felt like quitting already.

"How can something I love so much be this hard?" I asked, more to myself than to him.

"Sometimes the road to success is bumpy so we will appreciate it more when we get there," Skye replied.

I heaved a deep sigh.

"Tell me, are you happy with what you're doing right now?" I asked him.

"What do you mean?"

"Like we both know that you didn't really want to become an idol. You started attending voice and dance lessons because of me. Then you started training because of me, too. Sometimes I feel bad that you don't get to follow your dreams because of me."

He didn't say anything.

I looked at him. "Tell me, what's your dream? If it's not because of me, what are you doing right now?"

He didn't answer me right away. It looked like he was in a deep thought.

"I don't know," he said after a short while.

"What do you mean you don't know? C'mon! There's gotta be something that you dream of doing?"

"I dunno. I used to dream of becoming a policeman when appa passed away so I could catch the bad guys that killed him. Then I dream of becoming a banker like your dad so we can be as rich as you, that way eomma doesn't have to work as hard as she did. Then I wanted to become a chef so I can prepare something delicious for eomma. She always prepares something delicious for me and I want to do it for her for a change," he recalled. "Thinking about it now, my dream has always been changing. I don't know why. But I've always envied you because since we were little, you always knew what you wanted."

I was staring at his face the whole time. He really looked serious, like he meant every word that he said.

"Are you happy now? Like are you happy with what we're doing right now?" I asked.

He stared at me in the eyes and said, "It might be hard to believe but I am happy with what I'm doing right now. I know I started training because of you but I have come to enjoy it now. I have learned to love what we're doing here. It's like I've always loved to perform, I just didn't realize it sooner."

Pause.

"So what's your dream right now?" I asked after a short silence.

"What do you mean?" he replied.

"You said your dream had always been changing. So what's your dream right now? Like at this moment?"

"Let's see," he said. "To see myself on electronic ads and billboards?"

I turned to him. "Are you serious?"

He just smirked at me before he reached for my head and ruffled my hair.

[end of flashback]

I took my phone out and took a selfie with his photo in my background. Then I sent it to him along with the message, "Remember when you told me that your current dream is to see yourself in electronic ads?"

Sent. I couldn't help but smile.

I was about to slip my phone back to my pocket when it started vibrating. I thought it was Skye but it was Mael again.

"I thought you're back to training now?" I asked him.

"Guess what?" There was excitement in his voice.

"What?" I asked.

"We're getting a short break tomorrow!"

"Really?"

"Yes! We did great in our challenge earlier so as a reward, we're allowed to go out tomorrow!"

"Wow! That's good news!" I was happy for him.

"So? I guess I'm gonna see you tomorrow?" He sounded so excited.

"Yes, of course! Why don't we --- " I stopped mid-sentence when I realized something.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"Oh. I'm going to Busan tonight, I forgot. I'm sorry." I started to feel really bad.

"Really?" The excitement in his voice died down.

"My friend… the one I am staying with right now… well, it's my friend's mom's birthday… so we're going to Busan tonight to visit her," I explained. "And we won't be back until the next day."

"I see." He sounded disappointed.

"I'm so sorry," I said, almost in a whisper.

"No, no. It's okay, it's okay. You don't have to worry about it." He tried to sound cheerful.

It made me feel even more awful.

"How about Gianna? Maybe she's free tomorrow. Go and try asking her," I suggested in my dire attempt to make him feel better.

"I don't think so. She just had her break, right?" he said. "And we will only try to kill each other if we're alone together." He chuckled.

I heaved a deep sigh.

"Hey, don't worry! I'll be fine," he said.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course, I am. Wait, I think I gotta go now. Message me if you reach home, okay?"

"Okay."

"Bye."

"Bye."

A bus arrived the moment we ended the call. I got into the bus and took a seat.

My mind was wandering the whole trip home. I don't know why but I am feeling so guilty. Guilty about the thought of not telling Mael about Skye.

I'll tell him about Skye when we return from Busan, I thought.

Mael's a friend so I shouldn't be hiding anything from him.