The Mess Inside Me

Bigmama

I love to my Bigmama as much as I did my mama. I'd go and spend the weekends with her during the summer. I would stay between her house and my uncle's house who lived on the same land right next door to each other. My Uncle Melvin had two boys and one girl. One of his boys Chris was only two or three years older than me. But I really like to stay with Lynn. I would play with Chris while Lynn was at work. I'm not sure how old Lynn was I'm thinking around 17 or 18. But when I spent the night with them I slept with men and when land was home we would do each other's hair and makeup. I had a lot of fun with her and Chris.

My big daddy died before I was born but my Bigmama got married again. His name was Sarge. I loved to go see him too. He always had something for me, usually some kind of candy, it didn't matter to me what it was. I couldn't wait to get there to see what he had. During the summer me and him would work in the garden while Big Mama did stuff in the house. Me and Bigmama make stuff, like cookies, brownies, or cake and I would help her dust her bells. I think my favorite part of spending the night with her is I didn't have to take Troy with me for some reason. Any time I spent the night with one of my friends I had to take him too. But that was usually in our neighborhood and I could just bring him home when he wanted to come home, of course that meant I had to go home too. Bigmama lived in Byron and it was kind of far from her house so I couldn't stay because if he cried for Daddy then they would have to come all the way out there and get him and I think Mama knew if that happened I would have to leave too so I always got to spend the night with my bigmama by myself. And I always went home with something, makeup, lipstick, perfume, cookies and those little tomatoes. I ate those little Tomatoes everyday after school and when I would run out, it was time to go back to Big Mama's. I loved that woman and she loved me. But I just could not tell her my secret. I was too ashamed. She thought I was perfect and I needed to keep it that way. So I didn't.

Summertime

79- 83, approximately

Byron ga