Midnight Shadows

~2~:Cursed Timing

After the break-up with Talia, I began to grow even closer to Brielle. The truth is, I had actually known Brielle for a while before I eventually met Talia. Brielle and I met during summer lessons I took about a year ago. She and I didn't have the best start, as she came into the class one day. I was extremely pissed off. "Why the f**k is someone else coming in?" I audibly said as soon as she walked in that first day. I noticed her turn around and head for the door after my statement and, in some twisted way, it gave me some sort of joy, seeing her head for the door. Ironically, as time went on, I grew closer to her and, eventually, I began to feel for her. I couldn't tell her this, of course, because as far as I knew, it was one-sided. I didn't want to ruin the friendship because something as dumb as that, so I pushed the feelings aside, telling myself that they would go after the summer lesson ended, and we had to go back to our different schools. I was gravely mistaken though, as I waited so eagerly for the holidays, so I could talk to her. It was the best part of the holiday for me but, of course, I made it seem to everyone else that she was just my friend. After about a year of trying to deal with these feelings, I told her. It was mutual, but there were a lot of other things between us which didn't allow us to be together. With time, the conversation didn't come up, and we just continued to be friends. The whole friend thing didn't last very long before we continued the conversation we had left hanging months ago. This time, I was fueled by the fact we were now going to be attending the same college. I wanted her, and I wanted her badly. Elle, as I called her, was strong-headed, and I knew this, but I was determined to get her. After a few weeks, she cracked a little and told me the reasons she felt we couldn't be together. The first reason was because of the fact I was with Talia, and she knew how much Talia felt for me, and she felt it would be wrong if she dated her best friend's ex-boyfriend. The second reason was the fact that I was known to not stay with any girl for long. I usually get tired of relationships very fast. It normally took me six weeks before I got tired and, well, Elle had never given her heart to any boy, and she was scared that if she gave it to me of all people, that I would shatter it. I doubted this. I knew how much I felt for Elle and I knew my feelings for her would only grow stronger the longer I was with her. The third and final reason, was that she was the jealous type, and she already knew I spent a lot of my time with my female friends. I understood what she told me, and I saw why it would be unfair of me to just expect her to be with me even with those factors present, so I decided to change myself to try and prove to her that I was ready to be with her. I stopped talking to my female friends, both in person, and on all my social media platforms. I would only use my phone for about an hour or two a day, so I wouldn't even have the time to text any other girl. On her issue of commitment, I made gestures to show her I was ready to commit to her. I continued with this chase for about four weeks. In this time, I had blocked her, unblocked her, cried and crashed out several times because of her. It was like I would lose hope and then, all of a sudden, I wanted to continue chasing her. The experience was terrible, but I hoped that the results would be good. I ended up being gravely mistaken though, as one night, she texted me, accusing me of lying about how I felt towards her. My first reaction was to laugh, because I couldn't believe that after everything I had done and all the gestures I had made just to have her, she would even think I was lying. It didn't make sense to me. She continued, angrily, saying how all my feelings were all fake, because of the fact that, at the end, I had given up on her after she refused to see everything I was doing, and I decided to move on with someone else, who was coincidentally her friend. I was so confused and scared at the same time. I remember how she would tell me that we should both bury our feelings and move on with our lives because a relationship between both of us would never work, so why was she so angry that I actually gave up chasing her and started talking to someone else when she had also started talking to someone else too? I wanted to ask her, but I knew that would piss her off even more. I spent the next three hours trying to convince her that I never lied to her and everything I told her about my feelings was true and genuine, but she wasn't ready to listen to me. She had concluded in her mind that I had lied to her and broken her trust. She brought up the fact that she had never let any boy in before, and I was the first she actually let in, and although she didn't let me in completely, I had hurt her. I felt terrible as she told me this, and although I knew I never lied to her, she felt I did, and I needed her to know I didn't. I continued trying to explain everything, but she wasn't ready to listen. Eventually, I gave up trying to explain to her and I told her goodbye and although it hurt, I felt that maybe she just needed time to think everything through. Weeks passed, and I moved on with my life, and she moved on with hers. I had started talking to someone new, Calista. I didn't think much of the whole talking stage thing at first because I wasn't sure whether I would end up dating her, so I just decided to be in the moment with her and not think anything about what the future would hold for me and her. At this point, Brielle and I had started school, and Calista was in a different school. I still felt bad about what happened with Brielle and so whenever she wanted to talk, I would meet her to talk. This was all up until we were accused of something we hadn't done, and she blamed it all on me and told me what it was my fault and told me never to speak to her again. At this point, I became cold to her. I never bothered to try and talk to her, and although we were basically in the same friend group, I would leave any of my friends I was with when she came around. I hated being around her, I hated her. I hated every single thing about her existence and I wished the worst for her. Not because of the fallout we had, but because she made it seem like everything that had happened between us was my fault. As expected, everyone tried to get me to talk to her, but I wouldn't listen. I hated her.