Midnight Shadows

"Truth be told, I'm getting tired of Talia," I tell my best friend, Elowen, over the phone. "And to be honest, it isn't like she's necessarily done anything wrong, it's just that I'm tired of the relationship. She's really clingy, and I love that, but she keeps comparing me to her ex and it's really annoying. It's like she's using my actions to fill up some sort of pit that was never filled up when she was with him." I continue telling her, with disgust beginning to creep on my face. "Look, Tarian, you can't just throw her away like that. You know what happened between both of you just a few days ago. If you decide to leave her, it would be like you only used her for her body and, although we both know that's not what happened, you're going to have to convince a lot of people that you didn't just use her for a body, and knowing you, after the first two or three people, you wouldn't even want to explain yourself to anyone else," she tells me and as much as I would hate to admit it, I know that everything Elowen had just told me was completely true. I can be a very irritable person and if multiple people kept coming at me, expecting an explanation, I'd probably get pissed after the first few people and ignore everyone else, letting them believe whatever it is they choose to believe. I actually wanted to end things with her, not only because of the thing with her ex, but because the relationship was beginning to toll on my mental health. From what I believe, every relationship is meant to help grow both partners, but in this one, it was like she was taking from me and using it to grow. She made me feel drained every day I spoke to her. At the beginning, it was okay, because I was in a stable place, but as time went on, her actions started to weigh me down. I understand her constant need for reassurance and attention, but picking fights with me out of nowhere was one thing I hated a lot. One moment, we could be having a normal conversation about how we wanted things to go in the relationship, and the next, she's screaming at me because of the fact I've been with girls before her, and it wasn't just the hypocrisy for me, it was also the fact that she knew my past was my past and how much I hated talking about my past. Most times she did this, I wouldn't say anything because I was sure she wouldn't even listen to anything I said. This always resulted in her ignoring me for whole days, only texting me at night, and well, I knew I couldn't take much more of this. The next day, I decided to speak to the girl Talia always referred to as her best friend, Brielle. I told Brielle everything. I told her how she would constantly compare me to her ex, and how she was picking unnecessary fights, and how she was causing the relationship to toll on my mental health, and how I wanted to break up and, of course, Brielle assured me that she didn't intend to do this. She told me all about how Talia was a 'player' before I came into the picture. She told me how Talia would constantly flirt with a bunch of different boys for fun and how she never actually had anything serious with any of them, which meant that my situation with her was very different, seeing as she took me, in fact, very seriously. Brielle also told me how Talia called her every night, telling her how much she loved me and how she loved being with me, telling her in detail about things I had said or done that day that made her extremely happy. The first few days Brielle did this, I felt that I could actually work things out with Talia, but it was as if the more I tried to make it work, the more she'd impact on my mental health. This, in turn, resulted in me taking several social breaks. I would randomly go off all my socials and not talk to anyone for days, excluding five of my closest friends. After what felt like the millionth social break, a lot of people were starting to see how the relationship was affecting me and started encouraging me to break up with Talia. This, of course, was much easier said than done. Talia would never give me an opportunity to. If I ever tried to mention anything about us breaking up, she'd get so sad and teary, and that made it so hard for me to end things with her. I didn't want to make anyone cry and would have preferred it if she ended things with me, but I knew the chances of her deciding to end things with me were next to zero. Just to avoid the whole situation, I stayed with her, but I decided to let her go, so I didn't let myself feel anything emotional towards her anymore. Her words or actions no longer affected me, and so when she picked fights, it didn't really bother me. When she refused to text after the fights, I was happy, and I wouldn't text her until she'd text me, apologizing for what she did. I'd always give her the same response, "it's fine." I knew I was leading her on, but in my head, doing that was a lot better than having to deal with everything that was to come if I decided to break up with her. I comforted myself by allowing myself to believe that when I was ready to deal with the drama that came with breaking up, I would finally be able to break up with her. I continued to behave this way towards her, until one day she had enough, and well, I thought she was finally about to break up with me, which made me feel relieved, more than anything, but instead, she had finally noticed the way I was acting and wanted to talk it out. I told her why I was doing it, not forgetting to mention how the relationship with her was draining me. After hearing what I had to say, she apologized and promised to do better, but somehow, talking about it with her made me feel everything all over again, so I told her the truth and broke up with her. I didn't give her a chance to speak as I left. The relief I felt after breaking up with her was something I couldn't even begin to explain. I didn't know what I was going to do now that I wasn't with anyone, but I knew for sure that the next girl I would be with would have to prove to me that she's worth everything I'm able to put into a relationship.