When The Time Is Right ✔

Chapter 18

Have you ever had that feeling when you’re almost done with your project but then something clicks and poof! You’re back to square one. That’s me now.

Just when I have finally made up my mind, here comes Louis, blurring all the straight lines in my head again. Just when I have finally given myself a chance with Zian again, here comes Louis getting in the way again.

Is this becoming a cycle?

Louis doesn’t want me. Then I have Zian. Then Louis suddenly comes to me, wanting me again.

I felt Louis hand run to the back of my neck, pulling my face closer to him, deepening the kiss. I flickered when I saw his eyes closed. I wanted to breakaway but my mind is not functioning well. I wanted to push him away but my energy is drained by his kiss.

Is this another of Louis’ wonders? He makes me weak. He drains all my energy. It’s like he has casted a spell on me and I have no way out. I have to respond.

I didn’t even know why shut my eyes and responded to him. This is one of the wonders he has on me. I become submissive.

His other hand moved to my waist and pulled my body closer to him. How could he do this? How does he have such impact on me? Why is it that even though he’s the reason for my pain, I feel like he is also the treatment for that pain? He’s the poison and the antidote at the same time.

It’s crazy. I know it sounds very impossible. But that’s how I feel it is.

Louis broke off from the kiss and leaned his forehead on mine. We are both out of breath but he’s holding onto me, really tight.

“Five years.” He breathed. “I f*****g waited for five years to kiss you.” He caressed my cheeks. “I almost died waiting. And right now, I feel alive again.” He planted another kiss on my lips then shut his eyes tightly. “f**k this! I want to kiss you all day, Hana.” He muttered and exhaled deeply.

I felt my heart beating fast. Not Zian-kind-of fast. But Louis-kind-of fast. I have two rhythms of my tachycardia. The Zian type which makes me feel like my heart is leaping out of my chest. And the Louis type which makes my heart stop for a moment then beats really, really, really fast then stops again.

“Please, let’s stop hurting each other. Please, let’s be happy together.” He pleaded. “I’ve let you go in the past and I’m not letting it happen again.”

I looked at him and sighed. “You can’t. You are tied. You have Nicole.” I told him shaking my head at him, trying to get out from his grip.

But he held me tight. “I’m going to break up with her.” He told me. This time, he’s not asking me. He’s not getting my permission. He’s informing me that he would.

I narrowed my eyes at him. “You can’t.” I shook my head. “You can’t break up with her because of me.” I told him.

He looked into my eyes. “Do we have to do this again?” He asked me. “Do we have to go through this conscience and guilt trip again because someone doesn’t deserve to hurt?” He exasperated. “We’ve gone through this thing five years ago and look at where it got us now. We are still hurting, Hana. The people we tried to protect already moved on. We are the only ones left.”

He held my cheeks and made me look at him. “Do you want to make the same mistake again?” he asked me. “Because I don’t.” He breathed. “This time, I’m going to fight for you. This time, I’m going to fight for us. Even if you’ve already given up.”

Upon hearing his words, my tears fell down again. Why do I feel like he’s right? Why do I feel like he has the point? Why do I feel like I’m almost convinced of getting back with him?

“You said destiny forbids our forever.” He told me. “But would destiny bring you back if we’re really not for each other?” He asked me.

I shut my eyes. “This is not right.” I spoke. “Every time this happens, it doesn’t come with the right timing. Right love at the wrong time.”

He froze and looked at me.

“We can’t be together,” I told him. “I understand what you mean but we just can’t.”

He looked at me in disbelief and messed his hair in frustration. “Damn it, Hana! When will you even listen to me? You defied me 5 years ago and you’re doing it again! I don’t know what to do with you!” He yelled at me.

I looked down and stepped away from him.

“Can’t you stop being selfless and think about yourself first for the first time?” He asked me. “Do you even want to be happy?” He exclaimed.

I took a deep breath then shut my eyes. I’m getting tired of this. I need to breakaway. I need a break from this Louis Pascual Drama.

He stared at me. “I have decided.” He began. “I’m really going to break up with her.”

“Louis-“

“This is not because of you, Hana! This is because of me.” He cut me. “I wanted to do something right for myself for once in five years. I want to stand with what I believe in. I want to prove to myself that I could do something for you too.”

I noticed tears in his eyes. Suddenly, I felt an urge to wipe those tears away.

“I didn’t break up with Michelle before because that’s what you told me. You don’t want her to get hurt.” He continued. “But then, when we try to look at it, she would be hurt with lies more than hearing the truth. She felt betrayed because we lied to her.”

He chuckled weakly. “But today, I’m manning up.” He spoke. “I’m going to fight for something I want.” Then he dashed out of the door.

I was trembling really hard and fell onto the floor when I heard the door shut, tears falling down my cheeks, down to the floor.

Why do I always cry when it comes to Louis?

Why does it always happen like this?

I’m strong. I know. I even convinced myself to stop everything I have for him. But the hell to everything when he’s in front of me.

It’s like I’ve built a huge wall for him but he dug in underground to come at me. The wall was useless.

Or maybe because it has a weak foundation?