Mending Wounds

Chapter Five

We all ended up on the couch last night, watching bench watching 'Sons of Anarchy'. We didn't speak at all about what happened earlier that day, not even mentioning Rowen's name once. We just pretended like none of that happened. When Cole and Alex got home, Alex went straight to her room and was followed by Jeremy, while Cole and Jessy sat out by the pool to talk and catch up. As for me, before starting the movie bench watching, I was with Derek planning our project idea for the contest.

"You know, I never found the appeal of riding a motorcycle and tattoos" Derek said, mouth full of popcorn "Nor why girls are so attracted to bad boys that can ruin their lives"

I threw a popcorn at the back of his head "Don't talk with your mouth full. Your mum taught you manners for a reason" I pointed out.

"He has a point" Jessy said "It like fire; you know that you will get a third degree burn but you still run toward it"

"Agree" Jeremy agreed.

"You guys would never understand why, it's not that simple" Alex said as she sat up at the edge of the bed "It's not like we have the purpose of hurting ourselves when we run toward the fire. It's just human nature. When you know something is forbidden and you can't have it, you desire it more.

"Yup. You guys do the same thing on daily bases. I mean come on, think about it really" she continued "For example, boobs, they are something that girls hide because it's a private part and you're not allowed to see it, that's the main reason guys are obsessed with. I mean if it was something normal for you to see everyone's boobs on daily bases, it wouldn't be that exciting to see them"

"So that's your defence?" Derek raised an eyebrow.

"What I think Alex meant is that it can't be helped, it's like something that you know is bad for you but at the same time it satisfies your feelings or whatever" I said "It's like smoking; you know that they are bad for your but you still do it because it gives you a sense of relive and calmness. Drinking too, you know you will have a hangover if you drink it, but you still do because it helps you to forget and make you feel better. So basically, it's not really about the person being a bad boy, it's about what the boy makes you feel"

"That's what I was trying to say" Alex says in excitement as he points a finger at me.

Jeremy looked at her confused "What? that wasn't even close to what you just said"

Alex opened her mouth to yell at Jeremy but was soon interrupted by Cole's chuckle.

"That's not it" Cole said with a smirk "See whenever a girl sees a bad boy or a broken boy, she is simply attracted to him because she wants to be the one to fix him. You girls try to glue to broken pieces together in hopes that you can make him a better man and be the one who changes them, but in truth there were no pieces for you to fix because nothing was broken. You just seek the satisfaction of being the one to controls and fixes everything"

We all fell in silence at his words. Everyone knowing that he was throwing shade at my past relationship with him, which was completely not true.

"Are we going to talk about how Alex just compared loving bad boys to boobies" Jessy said in an attempt to break the awkwardness.

Alex shook her head "No we are going to talk about how it's Cole turn to make more popcorn" she said as she held out the bowl to her brother "Chop Chop"

He rolled his eyes as he got up, then grabbed the bowl before disappearing into the kitchen.

I watched him as he walked into the kitchen, clinching my teeth in hopes that I do not cause a scene by letting my nerves get the best of me and letting out my anger in front of everyone. But against better judgement again, I got up and followed him into the kitchen despite Alex calling out for me.

When it walked into the kitchen, I made sure that I shut the glass door in case it turned into a yelling competition. He was leaning against the microwave, arms folded across his chest, clearly waiting for me to follow him.

"What's your goal here, Cole" I asked frustrated "Are you trying to make me hate you? Because if you are, I'm halfway there"

"Well good for you, I guess" he said looking the other way.

I held on the door-nob behind my back as an attempt to stop myself from launching across the room and slapping his stupid face "You know it wasn't like that" I defended myself "I wasn't dating you because you were damaged and I wanted to fix you. It was never like that. I never once tried to change you"

A smug grin appeared on his face "Oh, really? Because I recall so many times that you asked me not to be who I am by asking me to change the way I act and talk around certain people" he pointed out "You tried to fix me when I wasn't even broken. You wanted me to change for you, Sophia"

I shook my head "Oh I'm sorry, was me asking you to not curse and say something nasty every two seconds in front of strangers that I was meeting for the first time something so difficult for you to do. Or was me asking you to not molest me and drink at a party where we both were underage, and my family friends were around was too much?" I said as I took a step forward with each word until I was face to face with him "You need to f*****g stop trying to blame me for the end of what we had because you made god damn sure that our relationship ended when you got on that plane and left me"

"Because you were the one that didn't need or want me around anymore" he said "Please tell me how the f**k would you have been able to come around my house every other weekend while I was there, reminding you of what you have abandoned"

"I said stop" I said, voice increasing as my anger did too "I did not abandon you. You were so f*****g insecure that you weren't the one for me to the point you let that get in the way of our relationship. How the f**k was I supposed to be with you when you didn't even know if you wanted to be with me, when you were drinking your insecure little ass and making me take care of that s**t when you god damn know I didn't like it when you drank and did all of that none sense. I've only asked you to stay sober and not say inappropriate things for one f*****g day, that's all I f*****g asked for and you couldn't even do that, Cole"

He attempted to open his mouth again, but I placed my hand on his mouth to stop him.

I shook my head "Not another word. Stop trying to hurt me and make me hate you, because I'm trying so hard not to" I told him "I'm trying so hard to find that boy I loved once in you, and remind myself why we used to be really close friends. All you are trying to do is ruin everything, while I'm trying all my best to not lose you again"

"Just... please, please don't make this more complicated and painful than it already is, Cole" I pleaded "I'm so tired of all the yelling and fighting"

I felt his shoulder drop, sigh leave his mouth, and eyes softening meaning he gave in. I studied his face quietly, then slowly dropped my hands from his mouth.

"Just let me try to be your friends again" I told him "I don't want things to become like this and more awkward than they have to be"

He dropped his head down so his forehead was against mine as he let out a heavy breath. His reply was a simple small nod to let me know that he will try.

Within seconds it felt like everything around us change. The second that the skin of Cole's palms touched my cheek, I was gone. He knew it too.

"I thought about you, Alex" he said, voice barely over a whisper "I thought about you every minute of every day I was there without you. I just wish we both weren't that stubborn and that one of us broke and called. Maybe then we would've a better chance at mending what we had or had a better friendship by now"

I leaned into his hand as he moved his thump, stroking my cheeks in circular motion and causing my stomach to flutter. He dropped one of his hands to my waist and drew me closer to him, then started to nudge my nose with him.

"I missed you, Soph" he whispered "I've missed you so god damn much it physically hurt me. And I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for what I've done and what I've said because I didn't mean anything that came out of my mouth in that moment of anger and jealousy"

I felt my heart beat out of my chest as I watched him, as I watched as he slowly leaned closer to me before I started to freak out.

“I need to go” I said as I back away then rushed out of the kitchen, Cole’s voice calling out my name.

“Hey, where are you going?” Alex called from the living room.

I stopped at the bottom of the stairs then poked my head in the living-room with the fakest smile I could put on “I can to go finish off my assignment. You can carry the rest of movie night on without me” I said.

My heart dropped into my stomach when Cole came out of the kitchen with an unpleased expression and missing a popcorn bowl.

“Sophia” he said, almost sounding like a warning.

“Goodnight” I said before I rushed up the stairs to Derek’s room.

I could hear Alex from downstairs telling Cole to leave me alone, as well as Cole typical reply of ‘Mind your f*****g business’ line that he uses most of the time with Alex which was followed by his heavy footsteps on the stairs.

I wasn’t as quick as I hoped I was. Before I was able to get into the room, the sound of Cole’s warning stopped me dead in my trunks.

“Don’t you f*****g dare, Sophia” he warned “Don’t you f*****g dare hide from me. Stop being a cowered and get this over with”

I turned to him “Get what over with, Cole? This HAS been over a long time ago, there’s nothing to talked”

He pushed his door open “Get in the room, Sophia” He ordered “I have let you time after time let whatever anger and pain you had and hurt my feelings in the process with your accusing me of things and twisting the truth, and I’ve f*****g listened to you say it. Now, now it’s your turn to shut the hell up and let me talk, let me let out all that I have on my chest to you just like I let you do to me. It’s not fair”

“Hurting your feelings? Letting out my pain and anger on you?” I said offended “Cole, you’re the one that’s been out to get my feelings hurt even since you came back home yesterday with your insults and Childish tangram. I have never once twisted the truth. If I recall, you were the one doing that five minute ago in front of everyone as you tried to pain me into the bad guy of the story”

“Just get in the room and let’s talk about this” he said “There’s no need for everyone to hear this. The last thing I need is us having an audience”

“Don’t you get, asshole?” I said frustrated “I don’t want to f*****g talk”

“What are you scared of?” he asked even more frustrated “I just want to talk to you”

“Nothing. I just don’t f*****g want to talk to you” I told him.

He shook his head “No, you’re scared that if we have this talk it will end the way you know it end” He said taking a step closer “You’re scared that this conversation will ended with you coming back to me”

I shook my head as I took a step back.

“Yes, you are. You know damn sure that that’s the way it should be because you can’t deny that your place is with me no matter how much you don’t want it to be. You can’t run away from this forever, Sophia” He said.

“No, that would never happen. Nothing on this earth can make me go back to you, Cole” I told him “I would never let you hurt me again. We’re not good for each other; all we do is constantly fight and argue because you’re too insecure that I will end up with someone else”

“Was I wrong to think that?” he snapped “I was right to be insecure because you ended up dating someone else”

“Because you ruined everything, Cole” I yelled “You pushed me away, and you left me. What the hell was I supposed to do. Don’t f*****g blame for moving on because I wasn’t the only one who did. I know that you had your flings and hook-ups when you were away, I know you had multiple one-nightstands with different women. If you didn’t know, that’s considered as moving on as well?”

“Because I was trying to f*****g forget you?” he said “What the f**k was I supposed to do? Cry because we ended things, or moan in pain for the rest of my life? You didn’t want me anymore; I couldn’t do anything about it”

“You’ve could’ve stayed” I cried “You could’ve fought for me, but you didn’t. You just packed your bags and left”

“That’s enough, both of you” Alex said as her and Jeremy stepped between us “Just let her be, she been through enough”

“This has nothing to do with you, Alex” he spat “Stop f*****g interfering with everything”

“C’mon, just walk away” Jeremy whispered as he ushered me into Alex’s room “This isn’t going to end well”

“Soph” he called, Nickname causing my heart to sting. For a second, it sounded like he was pleading “I just want to talk to you. I know I say all these things that accidently hurt you and I don’t mean it, you know goddamn well that I still l…”

“Don’t you f*****g dare say it” I snapped, crying, losing every last piece of patience and calmness I had “You don’t f*****g deserve to say that to me anymore. You can’t use that against me to make me talk to you. You want to talk? We’ll talk, but I will not get into that room with you”

“Sophia” Jeremey said “Don’t”

I pushed past Jeremy and Alex so that I was face to face with him “Yes, I am scared of getting in that room with you, Cole. I’m scared because I have worked so hard and so much on getting over you when you ruined everything by leaving and your actions. I am scared I’m scared that you will break everything I’ve built ever since you left me with these small broken pieces that still wouldn’t mend no matter how many ways I use to re-attach them.

“I’m scared because I don’t know how to f*****g love anyone anymore. I don’t know how to love the guys that I’ve been with for the last three months, and I definitely am scared of trusting him because I’m scared that he would hurt me and leave me like you did. Cole, I can’t even trust anyone anymore because of you, not Alex, not Jeremy, not Derek, not my boyfriend or friend, not even my f*****g family. I can’t open up to people because I’m scared that I might get hurt” I cried “The worst part of it is that I had to go through all of that alone. I was scared, and alone and couldn’t even open up about the pain I was going through with my own f*****g best friend because I was scared to let anyone close. I’m still scared, and I have never ever told this to anyone because I locked myself in my room pretending that I had assignments and sick because I was scared of letting anyone see me for the weak person I am because I was on my knees every night praying for you to come back to me”

“Sophy” I heard Alex say in pity.

“Don’t. I don’t think I can do this right now; I am drained mentally, physically, and emotionally. I just need space” I shook my head, then turned to her “I’m just going to go pack my bags and leave. Please don’t try to stop me, and please don’t call me. Just leave me alone, all of you”