Chloe

Chapter 16 - Was this Love?

I am addicted but there was no rehab for me. Each time I tried to gain perspective, tried to stop using, the need to take one more hit was overwhelming. But drugs weren’t my addiction, no! It was his kisses that leave me trembling for more. I sit here on my bed like a junky shaking from the high. I can still feel the heat from his lips. His body pressed against mine, hear my moans as his hands roamed my body. No, there was no rehab for me, as I never want this feeling to stop. – Chloe’s diary

Chapter 16

Was this Love?

   As the days whirled by, she spent a lot of time with Edwin. He came at lunch every day and escorted her to the fire every night. Sometimes at night he would escort her to her room to give her a kiss away from the others. He was so careful with her most of the time but when they started kissing things would get out of control quickly. It didn’t help that there was a convenient bed that seemed to call her to drag him to. Chloe didn’t understand what she was feeling or wanting but she wanted it with an insanity that she felt wasn’t normal. 

 Thinking didn’t bother her anymore. She found herself daydreaming about conversations floating through the days with a smile on her face. It felt nice to feel alive again and not so much the loser. 

She still couldn’t comprehend why Edwin liked her but she finally was able to accept that he did. 

She also didn’t know when it happened or how but she woke up one morning and realized what she felt for Edwin was love. She probably had loved him from the beginning, but it took her time to identify the feeling. She had never allowed herself to even fantasize love. As far as she was concerned it didn’t exist or it didn’t exist for her, because she had deemed herself unlovable and unable to love. It took one person, well, truthfully two people in her life to make her realize that love was possible. 

One was Edwin of course, but the other was her love for her aunt who always gave her space but always reassured her she was around when needed. 

She stretched languidly in the bed as the sun peeked through her closed curtains notifying her it was another beautiful day at the beach. Her spirits were high because she knew Edwin would be by later and they would either go horseback riding or for a walk. Like her, he enjoyed being active and wasn’t eager to watch TV or leave the community. Most people their age would have been bored by now but they were content. 

She walked out into the living room knowing her aunt would already be gone. She gazed out the wall of glass windows to the beautiful view when she became surprised to find Edwin on the deck facing the ocean. He appeared deep in thought. She walked to the sliding glass door, which was already open, and quietly admired him. He was wearing a soft looking t-shirt that was the exact blue as his eyes with low hung loose shorts that accentuated his muscular athletic legs. God had put Edwin together exceptionally well. She sighed and thought what her heart screamed, I love you Edwin. 

It was when he whipped around that she realized she had said those words out loud. His eyes were intent on her, searching her face.

   “I didn’t mean to say that out loud.” Like the lame excuse would take it away. She felt vulnerable and worried how Edwin might react. After all, what girl tells a guy that she loves him first? It wasn’t normal and she felt utterly stupid.

   He walked up stopping right in front of her. He had so much emotion in his eyes but she couldn’t decipher what the emotion was. Fear? Horror? He reached down and kissed her passionately with so much feeling she thought she would drown. Then he backed up and turned to run down the deck stairs and out of sight.