Chloe

Chapter 2 - California

I hurt. Most people would have begged for death, I begged for salvation. - Chloe’s Diary

Chapter Two

California

The sting of the back of his hand connecting with her cheek still burned hours later. She was shivering in the corner of the room watching her mother wearily.

“Why do you have to be so stupid?” slurred her intoxicated mother. She pointed an unsteady finger at Chloe. “You ruined our lives, ya’ know? If I hadn’t gotten knocked up with you, life would’ve been cake.”

Chloe didn’t say anything. She refused to speak to these monsters. Whenever she had opened her mouth her father slapped it shut anyway. Now he just slaps her for his amusement.

“If it wasn’t for those tidy little social security checks the government sends us, your ass would have been gone long ago. We never wanted you, we still don’t.” Her mother took a swig of the beer in her hand weaving slightly. It was as if all the insults made her thirsty.

Her mother could have been beautiful at one time, but cigarettes and life had taken all her beauty away leaving a wrinkled craven capsule.

“You’re wasting your breath, darling,” Her father leaned against the opposite wall. His blue eyes were dulled from drink. His tattooed arms exposed under the dirty t-shirt. He disgusted her but it was the stale smoke that seemed to follow him around like a cloud that revolted her.

“She’s dumber than that retard across the hall. It’s obvious that all that pot we smoked back in high school made our daughter stupid.” 

He took two steps closer leaning over until his face was mere inches from hers. She cradled her legs to her chest.

“Why are you so dumb? Dumb-dumb?” He taunted. She tried to breath through her mouth, but his unclean body assaulted her nose so she put her head down to her knees to repress the urge to gag. The movement must have offended him because he raised his hand unsteadily, only giving her just enough time to tense and prepare for another blow. His hand swiped down slamming into the side of her skull. The force jolted her head into the wall. He laughed. She hated laughter. 

Her fists clinched. She wanted to retaliate. She wanted to beat him, but she didn’t know how, and she was afraid. She was always afraid. She stayed against the wall, the cold air from outside seeping into her bones until she shivered uncontrollably. She refused to move or to say anything. If she didn’t engage, they’d get bored. Her father was on the other side of the room fondling her mother. The shivers wracked her body but she didn’t move. She closed her eyes and willed herself to disappear. Please, she begged, please make me disappear.

  The icy floor burned through her clothes penetrating her skin, but the stomach pain reverberating through her allowed her to ignore it. She had spent the night on the floor of the abandoned apartment clutching her stomach. The plane tickets had been for the next day and it was barely warmer in the apartment than it was outside. The bastards had turned off the gas heat along with the electricity before they left.  

   It was useless to stay and before dawn she made her way outside, down the street, and to the train station. She used what little money she had to take the S-Bahn, Germany’s version of a subway, to the Airport. The warm terminal was littered with homeless people that she now had a new respect for.

Taking the escalator to the main level of the airport, she walked listlessly through the gaping terminal corridors taking her time to locate her gate. Fatigue had set in and…

Her stomach hurt. 

She knew she couldn’t roll in a ball, or scream, or anything that she wanted to do for fear they might not let her on the plane, so she endured. She shook with the will to stop the ache. It got worse. A thin veil of sweat covered her forehead as she noticed people watching her suspiciously, pulling their children closer to their bodies. They probably thought she was high on drugs or something.

Finally, she located the correct gate, thankful there were plenty of seats, and sat. She drew her legs up against her chest and wrapped her arms around them, trying hard not to rock but sometimes the pain in her stomach would stab her so violently, it was the only thing she could do to stop the scream building in her throat. She put her head down compressing her eye sockets into her knees trying to relieve some of the pressure.

  Her thoughts came fast even though she tried not to think. The truth was she didn’t know if she had an aunt. No one ever mentioned one. She didn’t know if there was anyone waiting for her in California. 

Since her parents had unloaded her since she was an infant, they probably thought she was old enough to be on her own. The only comfort was she would finally get back to the stateside, not exactly Texas, but California was one step closer.

Another stab of pain had her nearly falling from the chair. A tear rolled down her cheek. She wiped it against her jeans.

   She was trying so hard to deal with the pain that when the flight attendant called all passengers to board the plane it jolted her. The sweat that had saturated her clothes left her cold and shivering.  She hoped people would dismiss it as preflight jitters and not some contagious disease. She straightened and tried her best to look at least coherent when she presented her ticket to the attendant and walked down the skywalk. With her head down, avoiding all eye contact, she slid into her seat and promptly fell asleep.

Whisperings, they were everywhere. She hated whispers. People always whispered around her.  She moved closer to the closed door in the small bedroom. The cold, bare wooden floor stung the bottom of her feet as she silently padded across the room. She needed to be careful not disturb the three other children sleeping in the double bed. She pressed her ear to the compressed hollow door.

“I can’t afford another mouth to feed. I get assistance for the children but this girl is getting me nothing.” She recognized the masculine voice of Jed, her friend, Marie’s, father.

“Chloe helps around the house and takes care of the kids. Isn’t that enough?” Marie’s mother whispered quietly.

“The right thing to do is call the state. She’s not our responsibility, besides we can’t afford her.”

“Posh. You’re just afraid of the insane grandmother of hers.”

“Call the state tomorrow. End of discussion.”

Chloe heard their footsteps walking closer. She ran to the make-shift bed on the floor and climbed under the covers. This had been her third home in three months. School was starting soon, and if Marie’s family couldn’t keep her, she didn’t know where to go. 

It was morning.  Marie’s mother, Ester, sat her down on the warn-out secondhand sofa. Her dark brown eyes gazed at Chloe with sympathy and pain.

“They’ll find you a foster home to stay in. I am sure they’ll be able to get you a bed and not so many children. It will be fine.”

Chloe remained quiet. It was shocking, in a way, that she didn’t feel anything. It was as if all her emotion was gone. Dead. That was it exactly. It was as if she was dead.

The Texas sun beat down relentlessly by the time the Children’s Protective Service worker walked into the small 700 sq feet house. Before dusk she left the little town she had grown-up in never to return. They drove her to an office an hour away. When she walked into their building, she felt suffocated. The office was crammed with desks, papers, and people. 

Everything blurred around her. They didn’t look at her with sympathy or pity. They looked at her as another one. Another number. 

They tried to talk to her but she had nothing to say. They wanted so many answers. Answers she didn’t know. It was dark, late, and the workers looked tired. They put her into another car to go to another building.

They arrived at a facility. It looked institutional. The long corridors of hallways haunted her. Each door she passed housed teenagers, all sizes, shapes, colors with the same empty expressionless eyes reflecting hers. She kept walking down the halls. All of sudden she was alone. She heard their whispers. She could feel their sneers but she couldn’t see them. Soon everything began to blur, the iridescent lights beat upon her reflecting off the whiteness of the hallway, blinding her. When was this walk going to end? She was tired, so tired. She heard more whispers. She wanted to scream, to scratch her ears. No more whispers. NO MORE!

“Ma’am.”

Chloe eyes sprung open.

“I am sorry ma’am but I didn’t want you to miss your supper.” She turned her head to the well-dressed flight attendant with overdone make-up. 

Chloe nodded. The lady put the tray in front of her. Even as her stomach hurt, she needed to eat. She didn’t know when the next opportunity to do so would come again.

   After two flight changes in Atlanta and Chicago, time became incomprehensible. When the plane finally landed in Los Angeles, she remained in her seat not wanting to get off.  Facing the future had become a problem since her grandfather died and all the events that had led up to Germany. Routine became a form of survival and change became her enemy. This was more unwelcomed change.

She had to force her stiff muscles to move and as usual she was the last to leave. When she finally cleared the skywalk she numbly followed the signs to baggage claim. Her stomach churned but it was her sore throat from suppressed tears that became dominate.

   Once she arrived at the baggage claim area, she located her flight number on the digital board and leaned against the nearest pole. She closed her eyes and thought of her horse in Texas. The images had always helped her through very stressful periods of her life, just as her horse had helped her live with her mentally ill grandmother. 

She imagined the power of the horse underneath her, his muscles bunching then releasing as they galloped together. The wind rushing past her as he took her across fields of green and out of this life, she could almost smell the freshly plowed fields…

   A loud buzzer went off. She jumped as the metal machinery groaned prepared to dump baggage off.  A piece of luggage circled around continuously, unwanted. A piece of baggage, unwanted…unwanted. The litany repeated in her head until a tentative tap on her shoulder jerked her from her self-pitying thoughts. She turned to find a petite blonde with a pixie-like haircut in an expensive red suit looking curiously at her. 

“Are you Chloe?” she asked.

Chloe blinked at least three times trying to comprehend that someone knew her name. She answered hoarsely, “Yes.” 

“I’m your Aunt, Claire Wilson,” she stated in a business-like manner.

  Chloe felt intense relief unlike any other time in her life.

They stood silently watching each other. Her aunt obviously wanted Chloe to say something, but she had nothing to say. Instead she looked off toward the circling bags and was immediately grateful when she spotted hers. It would give her time to adjust that she really had an aunt. A reality that seemed too good to be true.

 Once she had both embarrassingly falling apart bags in her hands, her aunt ordered, “Follow me,” then she gestured toward the automatic glass sliding doors. “I have parked in the short-term parking garage.”

Chloe had no choice but to follow her as her aunt walked ahead out the doors. After what felt like a hike through twenty football fields, they arrived at her aunt’s vehicle.

The car reminded Chloe of her aunt, petite, red, and it was flashy. It looked expensive too. Chloe put her bags in the tiny compact trunk and slid into the cream leather seats. It was so soft.

   “I was so worried I wouldn’t be able to recognize you!” her aunt stated enthusiastically. “I was able to dig up an old picture from your high school in Texas. I have friends there, you know?” Her aunt looked at her expectantly and then smiled sweetly when Chloe didn’t say anything. “That’s how I learned about you. A friend told me about what happened to your grandmother and grandfather and how CPS took you away. It has taken me nearly a year to find you! Who knew my sister would end up overseas? So like her.” She paused then continued on unperturbed and oblivious that Chloe hadn’t supplied any contribution into the conversation, “It was perfect timing too. When I got in contact with your moth…,” her aunt awkwardly stopped then amended, “…my sister, she said that they had a new lead on a job and asked if I could take care of you.” 

Her aunt’s amendment led her to believe she might have a better grasp on Chloe’s situation than what her aunt was letting on.

   “Anywho,” her bubbly aunt continued, “I am so glad to have you here. I live by myself and it gets rather lonely. Maybe I realize that I’m getting older and have no family.” Then she gestured at her and said, “Besides you and of course my sister, that is.” 

   There was another awkward silence but it seemed her aunt had class and finesse, which wouldn’t allow for awkwardness.

   “I hear you’re used to taking care of yourself, which is perfect because my job has me out at all hours.” 

Chloe wanted to ask what she did for a living but she swallowed the question. Her father taught her that asking personal questions led to a slap across the face.  

Luckily her aunt answered the unspoken question anyway, “I’m a child talent scout and travel quite a bit.” Her aunt spared her a quick glance, “I hope you don’t mind.” 

Chloe couldn’t understand why she would mind. She’d spent the last year completely alone. 

Her aunt watched her expectantly and she knew it was appropriate to answer something here, but she didn’t know what to say so she nodded once. It seemed to appease her aunt and prompted her to continue on a monolog about mundane things and nervous chatter. Claire would occasionally point out landmarks and points of interest as they drove out of the city. 

Chloe admired her aunt’s impressive conversational skills, especially since Chloe didn’t say a single word. More remarkable was that Chloe began to feel at ease with her aunt, which was rare. As soon as that thought entered her head, Chloe swallowed the feeling down. She knew better than to like or trust anyone.

   The drive felt like forever but at this point Chloe was so exhausted she had no comprehension if it was long or not. The stress, the flight, and her lack of peaceful sleep were affecting her ability to focus on anything. Therefore, when they took an exit and began to slow down to drive through a lovely gated community in what looked like a beach resort area, Chloe nearly cried out joyfully. 

Sitting up straighter her foggy mind focused in on lovely cottages that were painted in bright colors. Beyond them was a massive ocean. 

This couldn’t be where she would be staying, was it? Surely she wouldn’t be as fortunate to land in a place this opulent, would she? Looking for answers Chloe turned a questioning glance at her aunt who was busy navigating through the small neighborhood.

  Without the first word, her aunt swung her car into a very lovely soft yellow cottage. It was situated on top of tall piers with a long set of stairs that led to the main entrance. Chloe stared not at the house, but what was behind the house. It was the Pacific Ocean.

   “We’re home,” chirped her aunt as she turned off the car. 

   “This…”Chloe swallowed working past her dry throat, “…this is home?” 

   “Oh yes, most people own these cottages as vacation homes but I love it so much I stay here year round.” Then she added, “Sometimes the weather gets a little hairy but nothing too scary.” As if the prove her aunts statement, a wave crashed in the distance but instead of fear, she found it peaceful.

   “Wow,” was the only thing her blank mind could conjure up at the moment. Her aunt beamed at her, clearly pleased. 

  Chloe followed her up the numerous wooden stairs and through the front door into an entryway. It opened into a great room with a solid wall of windows and glass doors that overlooked the massive ocean. Chloe stood barely inside the door dumbstruck as her aunt moved off to explain something about the house. She wasn’t listening. She was stuck, rooted to the floor, unable to move. 

   After a few moments of gaping, Chloe barely registered when her aunt grabbed her elbow. “I know you must be tired, so let me show you your room,” her aunt chatted cheerfully as she led her into a hallway, “We will have time for a grand tour tomorrow.”

Her aunt released her when she walked through the first opening on the right. “This is your room,” she announced. 

The first thing Chloe noticed was a double bed with a multitude of soft pillows. On its own volition, her hand reached out to touch the soft duvet encased comforter, while she suppressed a moan and fought the urge to sink into the softness that beckoned her. Willfully forcing her focus away from the temptation she lifted her head to take in another wall of glass that displayed the massive ocean as if it was a life-sized painting. 

Her aunt thrust opened the glass doors that led out to a deck releasing a gust of fresh salty air. The instant the sea breeze caressed Chloe’s face, she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. Heaven, she must have died and gone to heaven. Slowly reopening her eyes she noticed her aunt walk to another door inside the room and disappear. Carefully leaning forward to see where her aunt went she was pleasantly surprised to find she had her own bathroom. Claire popped out of the door smiling. Chloe snapped her jaw shut.

Not sure where her aunt was going next, Chloe stood very still as she watched her walk to another door. “You’ll like this,” she said as she opened a double door with a practiced flourish. Chloe took a step closer to peer into the gaping entryway. This door led into an empty walk-in closet, which reminded her of her bedroom in Germany. 

Once again she was left dazed. This was her room? This was where she was going to live? Chloe swallowed down another reaction to her stomach. This was too good, too easy, too…something. She needed to get a grip. She must be dreaming.

Her mind continued to turn, what was the catch? Was she to be her personal slave? Did she have to pay rent? The thoughts came rumbling in like a storm and her stomach hurt. She swallowed down the pain, or tried too. Her aunt stood close, watching her, “Why don’t you take a shower and a nap. We can talk later.”

Immediately relieved, Chloe nodded once unable to speak for fear she would throw-up or crumble to the floor. Then her aunt would send her away like everyone else did.

  After her aunt departed the room, Chloe forced herself to take a quick shower. She threw on an old t-shirt a neighbor had given her in Germany complete with holes but at least it was clean. She climbed into the softest sheets she had ever felt in her entire life and slept. She slept without dreams, without thought. It was the best night of her life.