Last Chance

Chapter 5:

“What happened to Jamie?” Joel asked quietly a few hours later.

“He’s in the guest room, he wanted some alone time,” I reply.

“We have to talk to him, about ground rules, and keeping up with schooling. He should have been in school today,” Joel exclaimed.

“I missed a few classes my senior thanks to you,” I joke.

“I’m saying he shouldn’t make it a habit,” Joel replies.

“He seems like a good kid I don’t think he will,” I continue.

“He is a good kid, he doesn’t deserve this,” Joel says dismayed.

“Try not to worry about it too much. He’s with us now, he’s not on the streets or living in that house having to deal with the homophobia. Worrying about it won’t help your condition,” I try to ease him.

“He’s our family, and since we’ve been through similar things I worry,” he answers honestly.

“I know, but he’s safe. That’s what matters,” I reply, resting my head on his shoulder.

He kissed the top of my head.

“Thanks,” he murmurs into my hair.

I was grateful to have him home.

“I’m tired, I’m going to take a nap,” he continues quietly.

“Do you need help getting upstairs?” I asked looking up.

“I thought maybe you could join me. You look tired still,” he continues.

“I have to at least fix one of those computers Wyatt dropped off today to keep up with the orders. I’ll be up in a few hours, okay?” I reply sadly.

“Okay,” he replies with a sad smile. I help him stand up and make sure he makes it to the stairs so he has a banister to support himself with before going back to the garage hall to retrieve one of the computers that need repairing.

I carried it to the couch and sat down with it. The password was taped on a neon sticky note to the computer. I power up the computer and type the password in and start to assess the problem. The computer has some major viruses and the hard drive has been damaged, and the neon sticky also says data needs to be recovered if possible.

That just made this twice as hard and it would be a longer process to fix it then, too. I rubbed my eyes and thought about doing it later and joining Joel upstairs. This wouldn’t have been so annoying if Joel wasn’t sick and dying. I just wanted to spend time with him but I needed the money to keep up with mortgage payments since Joel’s disability only covered so much of the expenses.

I went through the process of removing the viruses and attempting to repair the hard drive and recovering the documents and other lost data. It took me almost four hours and I was exhausted by the end of it. I ate a late lunch and then went upstairs to see what Jamie was doing.

I knocked on the guest bedroom door.

“Jamie?” I called.

No one answered.

“I’m coming in,” I warned.

I cracked open the door. The window was unlocked and the room was empty, I assume he left through the window. Where did he go? Did he go to school? He left some of his clothes here on the dresser so he was coming back obviously. I didn’t know whether to tell Joel and worry him if I knew he was coming back. I figured Jamie was responsible and if he left it was for a reasonable reason. I exited the room and closed the door behind me before going into the master bedroom.

Joel is curled in the bed. He lifts his head when I shut the door.

“Sorry,” I whisper.

“It’s fine, you didn’t wake me,” he replies.

I sit down on the bed beside him. I grip his hand lightly. Knowing I won’t be able to do it this time next year. I had one more birthday with him and one more Christmas. It was just too soon and too much even after the two-year warning. I loved Joel, I’d loved him for eleven years and I’d love him long after he was gone. He was my first love. I don’t know if I’d ever love someone that much again even if he wanted me to.

“You okay?” he asks.

He’s caught me thinking about it. It used to be easier to stay part of the conversation when he was at the hospital and I only saw him for four or five hours every day but here with him always around I can’t hide how hard it’ll be for me without him.

“I’m just glad you’re home,” I reply.

It’s a double-edged sword, him being home. I have more time with him now but he’s not getting any better now.

He smiled at me sadly, like he knows. He gets up on his hands and knees and crawls closer. I lay down and he lays on top of me. His head on my chest. I wish I could heal him. I wouldn’t trade my life for his because I know he can’t live without me as much as I can’t live without him. Giving up my life would just make him lonely and lovesick for someone he couldn’t have. It would be how I felt when he was gone. It wouldn’t be any better than him being sick. If he could be healed and we could continue with life, together, I’d do it. But I think most people would.

He lifted his head and pressed a kiss to my mouth. I held his chin gently making sure not to hurt him.

“I’m not a china doll, Luka,” he whispers.

He looked like one, pale and fragile. I thought I was lucky that Joel knew who he was and what he wanted all those years ago but maybe he knew because he knew unconsciously that he was going to die young and he wanted some happiness before it was his time. So, he took his chance with me.

He continued to kiss me. I was pressed into the mattress, him over me until we heard the sound of a window opening and closing. Jamie was back, I knew he would be.

“Did Jamie leave?” he asked.

“I guess so,” I reply looking towards our bedroom door.

He must have been asleep when Jamie left or he would have heard him shut the window.

“We have to remember to get him a key so he doesn’t have to climb through windows,” Joel murmurs.

I laugh and smile before he climbs off the bed and I follow him. Joel goes to the guest bedroom and opens the door without warning, he was probably getting a kick out of this considering my dad had done the same thing years ago.

Jamie is plugging in his phone. Did he forget it and go back to his house? He looks up and Joel and me unfazed by our prescience.

“Where’d you go?” Joel asks like, a fly on the wall waiting to hear gossip.

Jamie doesn’t look up from his phone. I wouldn’t blame him. Once Joel left completely, he never went back. He didn’t like that I continue to attempt to repair their relationship. I decide to leave, thinking maybe Jamie would be more willing to tell him if I’m not around. He came here, and he obviously trusts Joel to some degree.

I went downstairs and started to make supper for them. Joel came down about fifteen minutes later.

“He went to see his boyfriend,” Joel explains.

“You can’t blame him for wanting to do that. He probably hardly ever gets to spend time with him outside of school since his parents aren’t his biggest fans,” I reply. “It’s not like he brought him here uninvited.”

“You mean like you did?” he jokes.

I smile at him.

“Do you feel up for supper?” I ask.

Joel wavers and his eyes roll back for a second before he falls suddenly. I catch him before he can hit anything luckily.

“You okay?” I ask.

“Yeah,” he replies a little scared.

I help him to the kitchen table and sit him down. I crouch down and study his eyes. They’re steady and he seems fine now.

I kiss his forehead and sigh.

“I’d like some tea,” Joel says quietly both trying to distract me and knowing I won’t want him to get up.

“Okay,” I murmur against his hair. I stand up and go over to the cupboard to get a coffee cup for him.

“What kind?” I ask trying to act normal even though I know I don’t have to with Joel.

“Green tea, sweeten it with honey,” he replies quietly.

He’s been away from home for so long and I haven’t made tea for him in such a long time that I forgot he took his tea with honey. I pause at that thought but quickly recover and go over to the kettle and turn it on so the water will heat up. I start looking through the cupboard for the honey, I know it’s somewhere, I used it the other day on my toast. I found it in the spice and cooking cupboard, I have no idea why I put it there. I place it next to the cup and wait for the kettle to click off.

“Hey, Luka. I was hoping we could go on one last trip before…before I die,” he starts. “Maybe this summer so Jamie won’t miss any school. He’s a good kid but I don’t know if I trust him enough to leave him here by himself.”

I go back over to him. I wish we could spend this last trip alone but I agreed with him.

“Where do you want to go?” I asked.

We’d taken a couple of trips over the years, one before college, where we’d gone to Mexico. One after college where we’d gone to Paris.

“Japan,” Joel answers.

“Okay, I’ll put in my request for time off now so they know,” I reply.

The kettle clicks and I go back to it. I pour the boiling water over the tea bag, add honey to it and stir it. I bring the tea over to Joel and set it on the table to cool.

“Thanks,” he replies.

I smile and sit down beside him.

“I wish I could do more,” I say.

“You do so much as it is,” he replies.

I smile sadly.

“We need to get married at some point so my parents don’t attempt to claim any of my stuff after I die. I need to write you into my will, too,” he continues. “When I die, I want you to plan my funeral, I don’t want you to be shut out from my funeral or being able to go to my grave like Tom Bridegroom’s fiancé,” he continues.

We were lucky, we had time. Tom’s death was unexpected and tragic. It was even worse when they didn’t allow his fiancé to come to the funeral. Shane, Tom’s fiancé had no chance, and they even blamed him for Tom’s death, even though he wasn’t there when the accident happened.

“Aren’t we supposed to be the better people?” I ask quietly.

“I didn’t say you couldn’t invite them, I just want you to be able to mourn in peace and be able to visit me without ridicule,” he replies. “I can’t say I’d do the same if your parents were like mine and you were dying but it’s your choice, I’m the one dying.”

I understood it, but being able to visit his grave wouldn’t make it much easier to grieve for him. He’d still be dead.

“You can kick them out if they aren’t pleasant anyway,” he continues.

A knock came interrupting our conversation. I got up to answer the door. I looked through the peephole and saw Sean and my mother. They were probably here to see how Joel was doing at home.

I opened the door and let them in.

“Hey, Luka,” my mother says kissing me on the cheek.

“Hey,” I replied. “Joel’s in the kitchen.”

Sean goes over into the kitchen well I close the front door.

“How is he doing?” my mother asks.

“We had a scare about half an hour ago. A dizzy spell. I caught him, other than that he’s been okay,” I reply honestly.

“That’s good, have they suggested anything you can try still? Any other doctors?” she continues.

“We’ve done lots, at this point, I think he’s just tired and as much as I don’t want him to go, I don’t want him to be in pain forever,” I whisper.

“I know, honey. But losing him will be hard, too,” she continues.

“I know,” I reply. “Let’s go join them.”

She nods and follows me into the kitchen where Sean has taken my seat at the table and is talking to Joel. They’re talking about Tennis. Sean still plays in college. Joel stopped playing when he got sick. Joel and he used to play on teams at the local club in the city.

“Luka, can we go to the school tomorrow?” Joel asks.

“Sure,” I say sitting down in another chair.

He smiles. Jamie doesn’t emerge from his room during their visit. They leave saying they and my father are going out for dinner. They say all six of us, (including Sean’s girlfriend) can go out all together some other time. They leave and as soon as their car pulls out and drives off Jamie comes down.

“Nice to see you,” I comment.

Joel is still in the kitchen drinking his tea.

“What happens to me after Joel dies?” he asks suddenly.

“You’re welcome to stay here if you want. You’ll need to pay rent though, once you turn eighteen,” I answer.

He nods.

“Thank you,” he replies politely.

“Will you be joining us for dinner?” I ask.

“Sure,” he replies.

We both join Joel in the kitchen, I serve food to them before making my own and sitting down to eat.