Don't Let Go

Memories

-TIME SKIP_ CAFETERIA

I sat to my usual place in the cafeteria while waiting for my friends. They have to practice their performances for the upcoming school event. But they promised to join me during lunch. 

Then all of a sudden, BTS appeared in the doorway… I glanced at them, trying to look for Taehyung. Then I saw him, he seemed different. His eyes are not smiling like the way they used to. He stared at me coldly, then looked away upon hearing his name being called… by Jennie. Black Pink entered the cafeteria as well. I saw Jennie hugged Taehyung and kissed him in the cheek. Taehyung put his arms around Jennie and kissed her forehead. So… that’s what happened the past week?! Me worrying about him for nothing. I can say that he’s totally fine. Being together with one of the most popular girl in school.. who wouldn’t be fine with that?!  Jisoo saw me staring at them. When our eyes met, she signalled me to wait for her. But… can I stay? I tried to finish my food but I can’t swallow them any more. Plus I can feel my tears would fall anytime soon. I was hurt. I feel betrayed but I can’t do anything. He is my boyfriend but I think he’ll never be mine especially now that he is with Jennie. It's just me thinking that we feel the same way. I stood up then walked away. 

-Taehyung’s POV

Im not ready to do this. I think I will never be ready. I know Im going to see her soon. She’ll be there. I heard Jisoo say that she will meet Yuri there. I can’t do this. Not to her. She’ll get hurt. I don’t want to see her hurting. I don’t want to hurt her. But what can I do?

I saw her, on her usual place, eating her lunch. Please don’t turn around. Please don’t look at me. She turned around, our gaze met. We stayed staring at each other for a couple of seconds. I need to look away… I have to look away. Someone called my name, it was Jennie. She suddenly hugged and kissed me on the cheek. I did not have the time to avoid her. I forgot, Jennie is my girlfriend now. Yuri continued to eat her lunch but minutes later, she stood up then hurried outside the cafeteria.  Walking away from everything… walking away from me… walking away from my life.

Yuri’s POV(Bedroom)

What happened to you Taehyung? What happened to us? I thought we will go through things together. Why did you leave me? What did I do wrong? These questions keep on popping on my mind as stream of tears fall down my face. I really cant believe that we’re over. He left me without any reason. I want to talk to him…but I think there’s no point in doing so. He’s already with Jennie. And He’s happy with her. I can’t be that selfish, right? Maybe he realized that with her, everything will be fine. Everything is in place. There will be no conflict with his members, their group will be more popular. He’ll not be bashed because Jennie is also popular. They are on the same world. Unlike when he’s with me. I can see that he’s hurting, fighting with his hyungs because of me. It hurts me too, but I have to endure it because Taehyung needs me. I have to be strong for him. But he gave up…he gave up on me…he gave up on us… And Jennie, how can I compete with Jennie? She’s everything that is NOT me. I know that It's not healthy to pity myself specially during this time, but I can’t help it.  I can never be Jennie. I can never be enough for him. Maybe It's time to just move on and let go…

Jimin: Taehyung, let’s eat. The food is getting cold.

Jungkook: Yah! I will eat your portion if you don’t  want it.

Namjoon: Saw Jimin and Jungkook standing in front of Taehyung’s room. What are you doing there? Is Tae not going to eat?

Jungkook: Well, he’s not responding to us. Its been like, 10 minutes.

Yoongi: Let him be. He’ll eat once he’s hungry. Come on. Let’s just eat.

-Taehyung’s POV

I think someone is trying to call me behind my bedroom door. But Im not planning to get out of my bed. If I can do this forever, I would love it. I’ll bury my self in bed until it doesn’t hurt anymore. Until there’s no pain left.

Seeing her like that.. seeing tears fall down her face… it just breaks me. I should be the one wiping her tears, not the cause of them. I promised her several times that I would not make her cry. Promised her that I would always make her smile. That I would never hurt her… Im sorry, Yuri… I really am.. but right now, I can’t do anything. I can’t be with you. I wish I could see you right now.

I’ll wipe those tears away.. I’ll hold your hands as long as I can and never let go of them. I’ll kiss your lips like there’s no tomorrow. I’ll hug you real tight and let Medusa turn us to stones so that we can hug each other forever. Whatever it takes, just to be with you. 

Tears begin to show as I’m remembering the memories I’ve had with Yuri. Although it’s just short, every moment is precious. I like hearing her laugh. From her chuckles to the very loud ones. Cause I know Im doing a right job, making her happy. I wished I recorded it and made it as my ringtone so that I can still hear them. I’m not sure when will I hear them again, or if ever I will hear them again…

It's good I have taken many photos of her smiling. But I think they’ll never be enough to take out this guilt that I’m feeling for making her cry.

I wished I had videoed the time when we’re just lying under the night sky. I was amazed by her knowledge about constellations and all…she was talking about stars and how they shine brightly without knowing that she’s the only star that I need in my life. She’s the only star that can brighten up my whole universe.

I remembered that time in Chemistry when our Professor paired her with Jackson. He accidentally hugged Yuri  while trying to protect her from the exploding beakers. I was so mad at that time that I felt exploding together with the beakers and shoot all the shattered glass at him.

But most of all, I remembered all those times that I’ve held her in my arms. When I can smell her fragrant hair. When I can rest my chin on her shoulders after a tiring day of rehearsals. When she hugged me back, I felt like I can do another 10 rounds of our dance routine. When I kiss her soft lips, and felt that they’re kissing me back…I felt I’m the luckiest man cause not everyone can do that  to the love of their lives. 

Im very sorry, Yuri. I hope you know that Im also hurting right now. I promised to take care of you and never make you cry, but still Im the one causing you so much pain. I hope you’ll forgive me someday and understand my situation. I hope you’ll understand why did I gave you up…why I gave us up. 

I miss you Yuri. I miss everything about you. I miss you everyday. I miss you every minute. I miss you every second. I miss you, It's driving me insane.

I love you Yuri. I love you very much that it hurts. I hurts to just love you from afar. It hurts to just love you silently. To not show everyone how much I love you . You deserve so much better. You deserve someone better. I hope you will find someone who can choose you over anything else. Who will prioritize your happiness more than his own. Who will take care of you and love you no matter what situation he’s in. It kills me just thinking that you’ll be with someone else. But right now, I know that I can’t be the one for you…