My Battle

**** Amy POV How can you miss someone and you are not talking to the person, How can you miss someone and abandon that same person For the past nine years You haven't called to check up on me mom I was called an orphan wherever I went to I miss you stroking my hair I miss you being by my side and calling me your beautiful amy, I miss you mom but I don't think that I can keep waiting for you because the pain from waiting hurts U can't bear the pain from waiting because it f*****g hurts The pain from liking a person also hurts so much that you feel like crying sometimes. It mostly feels like the worst pain in the world. Unbearably breaking you till you don't remember what is left of you All you can f*****g feel is the unbearable pain which is too hard to handle. And then you begin to wander why being abandoned feels like shit Is it because you loved the person or it's bcs you feel like s**t. And you just can't accept the fact that you were abandoned Even though from the scratch you knew that this would happen because you have never felt important in your life and when you felt you could be happy you were badly scarred. It's like an iron rod that keeps hitting you relentlessly without the slightest pity or remorse bcs it f*****g like hell hurts. It hurts so much and u have no one to tell. Why did you abandon me mom That's the only thing I can think of. Happiness is not real for someone like me. It's fake and it f*****g hurts to believe that you were loved and that you can be happy because it would never happen and you would just be disappointed from hoping I have decided not to hope because I would be burnt in the end I accept life the way that it has accepted me Saying that I miss and love you mom won't change anything,because you have decided on what you would do You have made your decision So have I I would try to forget that I ever knew you mom and as you have abandoned me I would abandon you also. I screamed hating the fact that I was ever created to begin with.